lol that was cool in a totally disturbed way.

Great short, that did a little tip of the hat to Psycho I think.

Was it gross?  Sure.
Disturbing? Indeed.
Fun to read? Yuppers!

Nice job mystery guest!  

First of all, great effort for something you only had a week to put together.

I thought it was a well paced story, with no unnecessary scenes and the formatting was spot on. I noticed only one typo on the last page, where it said nursed instead of nurse.

Very creepy relationship Jeremy had with his mum there.

SPOILER

I thought the ending was terrific. Although as soon as I read that the mum was attached to a respirator, I knew what that would mean and Jeremy's final act didn't surprise me at all, but it was the most plausible thing he could have done.

Good one.  

What a mind-fuck. That basically sums up what I thought of this one. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I’m not even sure.

Some positive aspects: The twisted story definitely sets it apart from anything else I’ve seen on this site.

Some negative aspects: You didn’t really develop the characters. They're crazy and...

Interesting piece.

-Zavier

Very nice piece here! For the front page it belongs to the same writer the other Spoiled.

Inspite the exageration of the milk sppinting like a jet it will be a strong cadidadte to be picked up by a serious young moviemaker soon. Quiet low budget with just three locations and four charaters! Good luck with it, dude!

Sick? Why? This experience happens a lot around there, dear palls! The final scene seemed like Michael Angels' Pietá.

Really sick subject is all I can say

Hmm, "sick" horror isn't always my thing but I enjoyed this.  Thanks for have an actual story with characters and motivations...it's very much appreciated.  The only thing that I will say is that I've noticed VO's popping up in a few of these shorts and I've gotta say this...VO's aren't scary.  They really aren't.  Especially with someone very, well, weird, like your characters, I don't like to hear what they're thinking.  I find it scary because you can't read them and if they're crazy enough to do blah blah blah, then god knows what they're going to do next.

I dont know why so many people detest this script. Sure its horrific but wasn't the exorcist? And thats one of the greatest horrors of all time. This, in my perspective, is a horror, its not a cliche zombie or a motiveless slasher story but some thing that can actually scare.

So yet again i tip my cap a little lower, just past my brow.

This script is unique. Yes it is about incest and Jeremy's mother being a paedophile but i believe that the author of this script may have done their research on what Freudian psychology is about - what Chism and Martin already built upon - which was basically stating when children are at a young age, instead of other means, they have a sexual attraction to a member of the opposite sex.

Issue aside because it is quite controversial and "sick" , but in my opinion was a good script that kept me compelled all the way through. Were virtually no mistakes throughout, only a couple of typos here and there.

Quoted from Nixon You didn’t really develop the characters. They're crazy and...

Sorry Zavier but i will have to disagree. I feel there is character development for the mother most of all - although i feel she changed too suddenly - and a little for Jeremy.

What i found sick was the fact that this character developed to be sick like his mother which was very disturbing indeed. The intestines bit was really grotesque and i was like wtf but this showed just how sick Jeremy had become.

Overal is the scariest script i have read in this contest, and to the writer, well done.

This was interesting to say the least.  I actually really enjoyed it.

While the story is "sick" in some ways, I think it was easy for me to come to grips with because it reinforces everything society believes about incest.  The characters, Jeremey especially, are both truly f***** up as a result of their incestuous relationship (as anyone would be).  Obviously the story reflects the horrific nature of incest.  If Jeremy and his mother were to live happily ever after, I probably would not have been able to handle this story.  

One comment from a newbie who doesn't know a whole lot yet:

I found the characters more interesting and believable when they were younger (up until Jeremy was 16).  After that, I felt like some of their decisions and motivations, while making sense in the framework of the script, were rushed. (I don't know if that makes any sense at all).  

Overall, a great read.  Amazing you could pull that out in a week.  

Hey, someone has final draft, don't they?

As soon as I read the synopsis, I suspected. A highly disturbing tale, and you went all the way with it, so I applaud you for that. A little loose end that was left untied is how he got away with what happened to Robert. Something that brutal would not exactly be flagged as a suicide, you know. That little ending could be easily tied up with a final bit of description: as he's commenting on how it's just them, a couple of cops watch him from outside the room.

It moved quick, and while mom and freak are developed decently, Robert is left in the dust. I would have liked to see a little more of the relationship between him and Jeremy, just to fill him out a little bit. Establish that he's a great guy and perfect for mother. That would make his death a little more wrenching.

But other than that, very well done.

Wow, what a disturbing story.  
Nicely written and pretty tight.
There is enough milk in this tale to share with all the other scripts that barely mentioned milk.
And you've done a great job of using milk as a central part of Jeremy'd messed-up world.

Pia raises a good point, however. Mom and son have lived this freakish existense for nearly two decades and then she allows an outsider in... hmm.  Not sure if this would work.  Mom's mental state would be as warped as her son's, I think.  Sans his murderous bent.

But, hey, I cannot bust you for much. Despite all the sickness and disgust, I feel like  I've read a story -- and in 10 pages no less.  Somebody on these boards put some thought into this beast.

I think My Favorite thus far, but I've got about 25 stories to go. LOL.

Yup, I am the sick disgusting freak of a human being that wrote this.  Thanks for the read, I'm glad most of you got creeped out for this.

Quoted from bert Is this message from Don or the author?  In either case, it certainly isn't necessary -- I've seen plenty worse around these boards. .

It wasn't me.  I was kinda thrown back when I saw that warning, I never seen one on these boards before, so I don't know weather to feel honored or shame, maybe a bit of both.

I only had 2 hrs to write this.  I took some notes, but when it came to writing I was on a tight schedule, I know that's a big no no, submitting something without really going over it, but I really wanted to participate(I'm guessing there are one or two pwople here that wish I didn't)

Thanks again for all the reads, I sure got a lot of em

Quoted from The boy who could fly Thanks again for all the reads, I sure got a lot of em

Your welcome.

You are right though, you did get quite a lot, along with old man crim and pepi. Yours and berts (crim) seemed to have shared a commone "Ew" effect, maybe that generates more reads...

In any case, nicely done.  But ew.

Quoted from The boy who could fly It wasn't me.  I was kinda thrown back when I saw that warning, I never seen one on these boards before, so I don't know weather to feel honored or shame, maybe a bit of both.

Wow, I'd feel honored Jordan. Horror should be dangerous. And evensubject matter aside, I think this was one of the best. So, be proud of it, and not ashamed of it.

Hey sorry I'm a little late on reading it, but I must say that this is my favorite of the one's I read (which unfortunately isn't many cause I've had a deadly week at school).  Anyway this truly was disturbing from start to finish.

I almost gagged at the intestines part.  It made me think of the book "Haunted" by Chuck Palahniuk.

Anyway that was a great way to combine the two topics for the contest.  I thought that it would be impossible to do that (as it can be seen in the lack of real horror in mine), but you pulled it off greatly.

The only downfall I'd say is the end did feel rushed, but if you only had 2hrs I guess that's understandable.