The Basement by Andrew Roby - Thriller - On her way to her mothers funeral, Belle Rogers stops at a Hotel until the rain settles down. But the Hotel is full... except for the Basement. And in the Basement only your sickest most horrific fantasies can come true. 64 pages - html, format

Basement, The (revised) by Andrew Roby - Thriller, Horror - On her way to her mothers funeral, Belle Rogers stops at a Hotel until the rain settles down. But the Hotel is full... except for the Basement. And in the Basement only your sickest most horrific fantasies can come true. 72 pages - html, format

This better be good. As of now, I'm expecting nothing short of the greatest script ever written. If I'm disappointed, I'll give bad reviews to anything else you write from now on (even if I actually like it)...



I'm kidding, of course. I'm interested to see how this turns out. It's pretty short so I'll probably have a review up pretty soon.

Okay finished.

SPOILERS, OF COURSE...

This was a pretty good read. Definitely one of the more grisly scripts I've read as of late. The hotel was a pretty effective setting as well. Unfortunately, I don't think it was as shocking as you hoped it would be though. Belle having sex with a ghost was pretty messed up but that didn't really seem to be the hook. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it and I don't think the hype harmed it nearly as much as it could have.

A few things...

- Why is Belle staying at the hotel for a week if it's established at the beginning that the funeral is the next day. I think someone mentioned this on the WIP thread but it's still here and needs to be fixed.

- This first dream seems kind of pointless. It doesn't seem to be contributing anything to the story. I realize Kim and the Colonel pop up later in the story but this dream doesn't seem to enhance their introductions. I realize this is a short script so rather than omitting it, I'd suggest expand upon it so it has more importance in the story.

- Belle talks to herself a tad too much early on in the story. Try to cut back on this.

- Belle receives a text message from someone called B. At first, I thought this was Daniel and thought it odd he would refer to himself as B instead of D. Having finished this, however, I assume the message is from Brian. Establish his character earlier on so people don't get confused between him and Daniel. It happens a few more times later on.

- I'm going to take a while guess and say George started writing at the start of the tour. I suppose I haven't read enough from either of you to tell instantly who's who but there seems to be a distinct change in dialogue here and a few scenes following. Anyway, just a guess.

- I don't know about this sex scene. It takes up a lot of space and seems a tad gratuitous. Are all of these details really neccesary? I'd say cut it back some.

- After the first torture scene, the story obviously shifts considerably in tone and becomes a lot nastier. However there're a few lines I think are unintentionally comical, which is a big problem in stories like this. I'm talking about lines like "nerve endings suck," "one of us," and Belle mimicing Daniel's answering machine. I'd suggest you get rid of these lines or change them so they're less comical.

- Carl doesn't need to reveal that they're all dead. It's quite obvious at this point that they are.

Other than all that, this is a good script. You have a very creepy, nasty, and original story here, Andrew. While I think it's far from "the most shocking tale of the century," it's not bad and has managed to survive the hype you've surrounded it with. Good job.

Thank you for the review. I PMed you with a follow up and explanation for some of things you said. Could you please place SPOLIERS before your review though. And if someone post a review without spoilers write SPOILER FREE above it.

I hope you all enjoy the script.

MINOR SPOILERS in response to James' comments.

The B instead of D thing in the text message is my fault. In an earlier draft Daniel's and Brian's roles were switched, so I wrote the scenes with Daniel as Brian. When I realized he switched them, I changed the names, but missed the text message.

The week thing was in the first draft and I actually added in the beginning to setup getting to the hotel and intended to clean up the lack of continuity there to make her stay more impromptu since it was supposed to be for the funeral.

The first dream actually had the intention of setting up Kim's character and the existence of this red dress as opposed to the Colonel, who was more of a gratuitious afterthought. It was less plot driven and more character, which I know can be a bit of a sin.

Yes, I initially started writing at the beginning of the tour. Good catch, although I also wrote the beginning up to when Belle arrives at the hotel. And the nerve endings line is intentionally comical and is also my fault. Sometimes, I can't help myself...

Glad you enjoyed it.

Quoted from Antemasque Could you please place SPOLIERS before your review though.

Done. Sorry about that. I used to put spoiler warnings in all my reviews but stopped after I figured all reviews have spoilers in them. Guess I should start puting them back in.

Thank you. I just don't want someone coming along your review and having some things spoiled cause if they know what will happen the story changes big time. ya know?

The opening of the film seems very sudden to me. We never know Gertie at all and we are only given one scene with Belle and Daniel before they seperate and she heads off on her trip. The accident happens very early on and it seems as though you were deliberately trying to rush through these early scenes, which is a big mistake in my book. Also, are there any intentional homages to Psycho, because the rain, the car, the hotel, it all seems very Hitchcockian and I was wondering if you were respecting Psycho or ripping it off. Also, I was born in January, 1989 so I very much like that little reference, even though I am 100% sure you didn't put it in there for my sake or because of me.

Before I continue, I am just curious to know who participated in what parts of the script. Which scenes were written by Andrew and which by George? I'd also like to take this opportunity to praise your formatting, it is a very well set-out script. The dialogue boxes and paragraphs are pretty much perfect, excellent job with it. So many people ignore or underestimate the importance of formatting these days and it's just such a shame that they do because there's nothing more annoying than a poorly typed script. Now, back to the story.

Concerning the dream sequence, I love them and this one is no exception. They are great tools to advance the plot without resorting to ordinary or boring dialogue scenes. But I don't think it was necessary to put that it was a dream in the script (INT. HOTEL - BALLROOM - DREAM). It's kind of a spoiler, because I love figuring out when things are dreams and when they're not.

With the character of THE MAN, I think what you've done with him is great, especially how he casually avoids telling Belle his name near the beginnnig and how he avoids telling her what happened to Agnes's husband Earl in the elevator. I would just add a little bit more hesitation on Belle's behalf when he appears at her door with flowers and a bottle of wine. It would add another layer of creepiness to know that our main character is trepedacious about him.

That first scene with Agnes is really very nice. I think you've captured her insanity very well here, especially with her insistance that the police be called and her line "I think I'm getting tired of this room." It's funny and sad at the same time, which is a perfect little mood.

The sex scene that followed the dancing I thought was very suddenly and perhaps unnecessary, both in its existence and its writing. The way the sex is described, with thrusting and going down disturbed the gentleness of the dancing and it may come off as gratuitous. Perhaps they could have just kissed and then we dissolve to the bed post-lovemaking. Also, the romance I think should have been advanced a little further to make the sex more plausible, I mean she has only been there a day and she already has a boyfriend. Carl's tutonic charms aside, I don't think Belle is the kind of person that would just sleep with someone whom we're supposed to fear. I lost a lot of respect for her in this sequence. But I did like that she regretted it afterwards, so maybe it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be.

And here comes the torture scene. Since we do not know Kim at all, except from the dream, this sequence lacks the impact that it should have, but it is still pretty grisly. The hammering of her teeth is quite gruesome, but I suppose that it the whole point and I do love all that kind of stuff. The only thing I didn't like was that Belle just stood there and didn't try to interfere and didn't even run until he had killed her. Perhaps not interfering was the smartest thing to do, but I would have had her try to leave at the very least near the beginning of the scene. But there is a very scary moment where he just looks at her and smiles, kind of like he noticed her for the first time. It's a great scene, very bloody, but great.

Well I really have nothing else to say about the build-up portion of the script so let's get right to the ending. I absolutely love montages, I think they're one of the most effective filmmaking tools in the industry, from the Christening/Slaughtering in The Godfather to Montage from Team America. The killings here are effectively creepy because by this point in the script you have established this eerie mood where nothing is as it seems. It's a very effective sequence, and here everything comes together very nicely. "Never endings suck", nice job.

All in all, this script was very wel done. It was disgustingly gruesome and slightly depressing in it's own way. The ending is very effective and while I can offer you no help it getting it produced, I sincerely suggest you try because this is the kind of film I wanna see, even though I am not pretending to understand it fully. But, then again, maybe I'm just dense.

Cheers, Chism.

Thank you very much for your review Chrism. Originally the opening was just her getting out of her car and entering the Hote. But George has added that little thing in the beginning before all that. Just to introduce Belles bf and Metile so when they pop up later in the script the reader is not totally blind on who they are.

And i was not even thinking psycho when i wrote this script. Thank you for the compliment on the format.

The sex scene is suppose to show the kind of power that Carl really has. The things he can do to Belle. She has not noticed that but that is what it means.

From Kim to the ending. Did you like it? Was there anything wrong with it? Since you said you had nothing else to say i would just like to know if you liked or disliked it.

Thank you again for reading and i'm glad you enjoyed it.

I read this last night but I think I remember it pretty well to give a review. Here are just a few things that popped out at me:


SPOILER
SPOILER
SPOILER!


in the WIP thread, you made the "Basement" sound like a portal to another dimension -- or something that is just too far from belief. I wasn't surprised at all to find a torture chamber. I mean, to me, Carl was way beyond creepy and I found bringing a bottle of wine to a complete stranger's hotel room very creepy and not realistic. You didn't even describe him as overly handsome or suave. He's a hotel manager! -- he wouldn't tell her his name! I would definitely NOT invite him into my room. Especially if that room is in the basement with steep stairs for an exit.

And, you didn't describe this hotel to be the most romantic and huge -- I mean, you didn't even describe it to have a bunch of cars in the parking lot. And there are Shakespeare plays happening here? I knew something wasn't right. Like Chism, I saw definite similiarities with Psycho. In fact, when there's pelting rain and the main character had to drive off the road to a hotel, I was imagining a rundown place. Maybe you were trying to build up the feeling of "what's happening here" but I wasn't drawn in at all.

Definitely need to drop the sex scene down a few notches. I think it had a level of gratuity to it and it seemed out of place. I agree with Chism again... there was a gentle dance scene-- like you wrote, a little "awkward." But then there's dirty, not-necessarily-passionate love scene but she scatches his back till it bleeds and they "go down" on each other? I don't think you described it like you wanted it to come out. "The sex scene is supposed to show the kind of power that Carl really has. The things he can do to Belle." But it didn't come out like that. I thought she was a nice, wholesome girl trying against all odds to get to her mother's funeral. I thought he was a creep. It didn't fit that they would have sex.. especially after only knowing each other a day.

The gore! It sure exploded blood and guts in the second half, didn't it? Kim sitting on the nails, the hammer ... ICK! I think about it know and I want to go watch a funny cartoon. I can't imagine watching that on screen and not wanting to walk out for a popcorn-run. Then it didn't slow down until the end. I'm sure most would find that exciting, but I was just skimming through it -- not interested at all. I don't think this was written for a gal like me.

Oh, and how come Belle can hit Carl upstairs and he says "Nerve endings suck," but at the end, she hits him again repeatedly and all he does is laugh? That stuck out to me.

But when it came to the gore, ignoring the ick-factor, I thought it was described well. I thought it had a nicely formed revenge plot and it all fit together in the end. And I liked how she died at the end -- that doesn't happen a lot in films.

Anyway, it was pretty short and it could use some work but all in all, I just think it wasn't for me. I'm not a gratuitous sex and violence fan. So maybe you should just ignore the rest of my review.

Haha. Well some scripts/movie are not for everyone. Even though it wasnt the type of script for you, i'm glad that you actually gave me your ideas. This was suppose to be in your face and i aint leaving till the end kinda script. Thank you very much for your opinions and all. And actually i'm glad you didn't like it. If it was shown in the movies and the girls (no offense at all) squimmed in their seats then mission accomplished. It's not a fairy tale. ya know? Thank you again for reading it and taking the time to write a review for it.

Andrew

No problem. There's a short I submitted and you can return the favor when Don updates

Quoted Text If it was shown in the movies and the girls (no offense at all) squimmed in their seats then mission accomplished.

Well when you put it that way, then you succeeded.

No problem. What's the title of it so i can look out for it?

Hey Andrew -- I read this last night and mulled over it a bit, then read the other reviews prior to composing these comments.  You continue to improve, both in formatting and in your general techniques of telling a story.  George's segments fit into the whole picture pretty seamlessly, which is another indication of how well you are progressing.

Having said that, I still wouldn't toss this script into the middle of a discussion concerning Chinatown and Citizen Kane and other films of that ilk.  Hype is one thing, but that is taking it a bit too far -- even as a joke (and it obviously rubs some people the wrong way).

(SPOILERS FOLLOW)

I'm with Impulse as far as the WIP thread.  I found it to be a bit misleading, and I too envisioned alternate dimensions or something along those lines.  The "hole" in question is certainly man-made, so I'm not sure what to make of the synopsis you provided.  You obviously don't need practice at generating interest in your stories (haha), but you should work on writing a proper synopsis.

*  The opening scene was great.  I really liked it.  Who's idea was "...like a shark fin..." moving across the ceiling.  Very nice imagery there.
*  I don't understand why this basement room is so nice.  If it hasn't been used in 20 years, wouldn't Belle be curious about the fresh flowers and such?  I think the mood could be improved if you made this room darker, damper, and not so appealing.
*  What was the point of Carl coming into Belle's room after the dream?  That conversation seemed pretty inconsequential.
*  Ah, the sex scene.  A couple of problems here.  First, it turns Belle into a big slut, which is not an attractive aspect for her character.  We should like Belle -- she's our main girl -- but this scene makes us like her less.  I read later that you were trying to establish that Carl had some kind of "power" over her.  That's cool, but it's not clear at all as you have it written now.  Perhaps you should construct this scene so she is not so "willing" a participant.  Like she has been hypnotized or something.  This makes it creeper, and increases our sympathy for Belle as opposed to diminishing it.
*  Sex scene comments, part II:  Lots of people are busting you on the graphic nature of your descriptions here.  Don't just blow these comments off, Andrew.  Try to be objective, and realize that these people actually do have a point.  I suspect you are thinking, "What a bunch of prudes, they just can't handle it."  That's not it at all, and I agree with what people have been telling you.  I know you are trying to be "edgy" and "raw", but you take it too far with "going down" and all of that.  What it really does is take the reader out of the story, and it seems out of place with the mood you are trying to create.  You might not believe me, but I am telling you true -- if you come back and read this scene in about 10 years or so you will absolutely cringe and say, "What the hell was I thinking?"
*  Hey, this Cam Rogers guy must be a complete and total bad-ass!!!
*  I had to figure out who Brian was, and was confused at first.  Set him up earlier as a character that we will remember later on.
*  Don't use "plant cutters".  They are called "garden shears".
*  I had the same problem with Belle's father that I did with Brian.  Did we actually see him earlier at some point?  I can't recall, but it seems like he just "pops up" outta nowhere.  When these characters show up near the end -- at a pivotal point in this story -- we should recognize them immediately and know exactly who they are.

So, you can be proud of this one, Andrew.  It's a tight story that moves fast and carries some heavy shocks along the way.  I didn't really comment on the gore because I didn't have much to criticize -- those scenes are pretty good as they are.

You are getting some good comments here, and I would encourage you to take them on board and strengthen this up with a new draft.  I've read most of your stuff, I think, and this is amongst the best of your works, if not the best to date.  And I suspect your best work is still ahead of you.  Good job.

Thanks a lot for your review Bert. It will greatly help me in my next rewrite. What i'm going to do is put all the comments on a notepad and combine the similar ones and what not and read over them. The ones that i think are neccesary i will do for the later draft and the ones i don't i will not do. Obviously the sex is going to be cut down but this version is just how i wrote it. I didn't cut anything, i just took out the scenes that did not make senses. The next draft i'll call the Directors Cut and ill take all the comments and use them on my rewrite. And i'm still working on making this full length (at least 75/80 pages) and i'm going to do more with the characters that we know not much of. (Like Brian) So it would be stronger when you read the outcome of each character.

Again, thank you for the review and comments Bert. They will greatly help when i work on my rewrite.

A few comments based on what I've read concerning the parts that I did.

The opening scene has no intro because the first scene of any film must reflect the genre of the film. I gave the hcaracter a name because characters should have names. I preferred calling her Gertie to "a woman." Helps to make her a little more real. "Like a shark fin" was my idea.

I did write the pages leading up to where Belle parks outside the hotel. I made it short on purpose because I didn't tell Andrew I wrote anything there, and I didn't want to overstep my boundaries. Psycho never came to mind when I did the beginning since those were actually some of the last scenes written in the entire script and all I was doing was leading into the original first scene.

Originally, Kim's character had no setup leading into her death. The first dream attempted to fill that gap. Maybe it needs to be longer...

Like that imagery on Cam, do you Bert?

Belle's father was mentioned in passing before the final scene where he appears. It is never said how he died, so I just pictured a car accident. Both he and Brian have some subtle setups early on, but nothing concrete. It was a matter of plugging stuff in where I could into the existing fabric of the script.

Andrew did do a good job on this one, definitely. He had a decent premise to begin with and the only scenes I did were the ones that had backstory: the initial tour after breakfast to the attic dance, and then exiting the torture room to when she enters room 431. But the concept and most of the script were his so the kudos clearly go to him, since he was the mastermind here.

That was...different. Nevertheless, in a good way.

SPOILERS

Took me a little while to figure out that Gertie (interesting name) was Belle's mother.

The format was basically perfect, so I'll skip it.

Belle was offered to stay in the basement, yet no one else ahd been staying in there for the last twenty years. She wasn't suspicious at all. I sure would be.

I began to suspect soemthing about Carl, but the revalation was written in a way that it was still surprising.

All of her family ahd "disapppeared" on that hihgway, never to be found again? The police found nothing?

This script would be  better off as a horror. I think of thrillers as something like "Red Eye" or "Panic Room".

This woulkd be a pretty creepy movie if it were filmed. And it would be atleast  seventy minutes, depsite being only sixty pages.

Pverall, a very creepy script, Andrew. Your writing seemed  very adult and mature now.

Since I wasn't subject to too much of the hype, I wasn't dissapointed.

Notes/Review

No pages here so I'll try to make these notes as detailed as possible...

*The man says the room hasn't been used since 1989?  I hope this comes into play later, because that's a line used in horror films that are long forgotten.
*The text message.  Who's B? Is that supposed to be D?
*That sex scene looks like it was added just for the sake of having a sex scene.  Belle winds up at this place, she wakes up, she chats with this guy and old lady for 20 minutes then they make passionate love.  And I just remembered she's already with Daniel.  What the hell?
*Second script in 2 days with a torture chamber haha.  Oh man I love it.
*"Bells walks down the AISLE."  Isle is an island
*Okay, now that Earl has revealed that Carl doesn't exist, my previous comments are likely to be withdrawn.
*By any chance were you inspired by McClung's "House of God." In his story, a guy steps on a discarded jaw, and just now Belle steps on a discarded tooth, both which took place in a torture chamber.  Just comparing here.  Gruesome minds think alike.
*Carl and Belle fighting---eyes don't bleed, they don't have any blood in them, but there is plenty of blood in the surrounding skin to make a mess.  Also, his face is "literally turned inside out."  I think for the sake of the reader, you should describe this a little more.  Maybe say that his eye is hanging out of his socket, or his nose is dangling from his face or something.
*"That name ring any bells, Belle?" Ha!
*Yeah...get rid of Starbuck Starr.  Nobody outside this site knows who the hell he is. Sorry Bert
*Belle hiding in the closet--She left a "someone is trying to kill me message" with Brian just a little while earlier. I just realized something.  Why would she calls her home number when Daniel is at work and likely has his cell phone?  Cause it says "she dials in another number" and then Daniel picks up and is oblivious that she left a message on the other line.
*Graveyard--wet and damp are very similar things. I'd stick with one
*"They go away when Belle looks around." Disappear is a better word here. Or vanish.

So, one of the most hyped scripts on SS mostly for its excessive gore and violence.  I gotta say, it probably is the most gorey script I've read on here, but shockingly wise it didn't really live up to the hype.  

Storywise I think it's pretty interesting and with these, paranormal fellows I guess you can call them, trying to exterminate Belle's family.  It had some pretty nice imagery as well with modern, Civil War-ish and also the dark, medieval torture/construction kind of thing.  

Some of the characters I had problems with.  First, what I liked about Belle was that she fought and at times kicked ass, so she wasn't the ordinary ditz whose afraid to break a nail.  The thing that degraded her character was sleeping with Carl.  We don't have much of a backstory on her, but from what you gave us she has a nice relationship with Daniel.  She just jumps into the sack with this Carl guy.  Makes her look as easy as 1,2,3.  Some people are commenting on the detail of the scene, but for me it's mostly just the positioning of it and the relevance that it has to the story.

Carl...I don't know.  At first I thought he'd be this prim butler guy, then he turns into this smooth talking good guy, then he turns into this psychotic dude.  I think I would have liked more of a macho or badass personality throughout.  For the most part the dialogue was pretty good.  Had some funny quirks here and there.  Nothing much to complain about on that end.

And then the gore.  You had some very nice gore in here.  Lots and lots of blood.  As I said, probably the most goriest script I've read on here, but the shock value wasn't what I expected.  I think to get that shock you would have wanted some more explicit detail.  Rather than saying somebody is getting butchered, describe what's going on.  Are they getting their ears cut off, is someone shoving a knife up their ass, etc.

So overall, it wasn't the most shocking thing I've read, but it was very enjoyable and speedy nevertheless.  A nice gorefest for all.  Don't take any of my comments the wrong way, they're meant to be insightful and helpful since I did enjoy the piece very much.  Well done!

Thank you BigWoop and Greg. Your comments are very helpful. And i would never take comments the wrong way. If you read it and thought something was wrong and i didnt that is your opinion. What's the internet for anyway? So people can bitch about movies. (or scripts) Of course there will be controversy. But no ones comments on here have made me mad or anything. All of them are very helpful and i will look back to every one of them and see if i could improve it for the later draft. And also on my next draft the sex scene will make much more chance and it will be trimmed down a bit.

Again, thank you all and i am glad you enjoyed it.

Oh, it's called 'At a Funeral?' Thanks for the read! Oh, and I didn't tell you that I thought the names were original. Gertie, Belle, Carl .. all names you don't hear all that often.

In response to your question, Andrew, yes I did like the ending very much. Perhaps if the script were a bit longer you could have set things up a little bit better, made some things a little clearer, but I'm really not complaining. It's a great little script, gruesome yes, but still great. The Exorcist was gruesome, and look how good that was, or Reservoir Dogs. Gruesome films can be great.

And what I said above, don't make the script any longer than it is. Perhaps a couple of additions might go down well, but honestly the length is fine overall. Your script may have a couple of minor problems, but the pacing is something I can't criticise.


Cheers, Chism.


P.S. Please, I'm begging you, for the sake of the script's quality, do not write a sequel. I really did like this script, but I think the appearence of The Basement Part II might take things a little too far.

Oh for god sakes i would never tink about writing The Basement Two. That would be hell. And if i were to make it longer it would only be by 10 pages prolly so it wouldn't be by much.

For the next draft i've already extended the beginning a little. And changed some dialouge. But i still have a lot of work to do on it.

Andrew

Andrew, you rated this as:

Rated R for some scenes of Graphic Violence and Torture, Disturbing/Frightening Images, a scene of Strong Sexuality and some language.

I'd actually rate it:

Rated R for Sequences of torture, graphic violence including gore throughout, sexuality, and brief strong language.

Yeah, I used to rate my short films, so these things are actually pretty fun  

On another note, I think to get the full shock value from the gore is to rewrite some of the torture sequences using more explicit detail.  Cutt off limbs that barely get touched like noses, ears, eyeballs, etc.  You got the ankles sliced off which was a nice touch.  For even more shock value, you could have Carl shagging Kim after she's tortured to death.  You could actually cut the sex scene with him and Belle and copy it to Kim, so that way we don't dislike Belle for any reason and we're like "holy crap! He's shagging a dead chick!"

Just food for thought.  I'm not violently ill in any way for those of you who are possibly wondering.

Haha. Thank you for the rating update. Maybe i could make him have sex with Kim and it could all be in the same dream as Belle. That way she won't look like a  s-l-u-t. haha. I'm actually doing a lot of rewriting on this and it's turning out a little longer and better. (obviously)

anyone else plan on reading this here piece?

Be patient, grasshopper.

ill get to it, i promised george id read his new script he put up and im swamped with work at school but i will get to it eventually, if you are planning on doing the re-write right away go for it but if you want to let it sit a while i may be able to bring out some additional comments for you to think about
seems like everyone enjoyed it for the most part so far which has intrigued me
lastly though... if it really is a good story that someone said theyd enjoy on screen why not stretch it out? 70-80 pages isn't really a full length... i dont know about anyone else but a movie under 90 minutes tends to annoy me even if its a full story... so if you are serious about maybe trying to get something out of this later on think of what you can extend

ill have a review up within the next couple of weeks, if thats too long and will no longer be helpful then sorry, but i will still read it and comment anyway

I've downloaded it and will print it out so I can read it over the weekend.
Looking forward to this, Andrew and Geroge, and I will hopefully have a review up shortly.

Andrew and George ,
I am reading your script. I am not even 1/3 of the way through but I will finish it tomorrow.

P.S. Andrew, nice to meet you!  

Shelby

Andrew,

I read the script this morning. The first half reminded me of Dark Light and the second Half reminded me of The Shining. Both good films.

POSITIVES:

1. Your film managed to capture the same atmosphere as Dark Light and The Shining with out ripping them off.

2. You had some intresting twists. I liked them and the only part I saw coming was the twist that Carl killed the old woman's husband. It was still a good twist though,

3. Perfect formatting. You did nicely on that.

4. I think you did really well on the torture scene. Others didnt think you did but when Kim got pressed aginst the spikes that really made me feel creeped out *Sharp things do that to me.*

5. Naming all the charcters. Books tell you not to but it makes them seem more real if you pin a name on them.

6. I liked your everyone dies at the end ending. I really liked that you were honest about it and not "Oh well she's the main character so she cant die". That pisses me off.

7. You handled the sex scene well. I was glad to read you didnt catch "Cabin Fever".

Constructive Critism:

1. While on the sex scene, it was out of place. When they were dancing in the attic the kiss would be soon but acceptable. Sex, how about no. Have Carl and the old woman have sex *kidding*

2. You revealed the twist too soon. There was so much more to play with on Carl and Belle's 'relationship'. Also there was more to play with when the guy tell Belle Carl was dead. You could go many more places with that. *I.E. have her go look at the picture that was empty to find Carl, etc.*

3. Maybe instead of rain it could be a blizzard. It's easier to believe she would risk missing her mothers funeral because of ice rather than water.

4. The death scenes need a little bit more gore.

Over all it was a good script. Good twists *** out of ****

Thank you very much Shelby. And nice to meet you too. I'm glad you enjoyed it and i will make sure to take your comments of critisim, along with everyone elses, and use them as guidelines while i do my rewrite. And i am working on bits and pieces of it now. Again, thank you very much for taking your time and reading this here script.

Andrew

Andrew,

Make sure you let all of us know when this new rewrite is coming in. I'm really looking forward to reading it. I guess I've already covered how much I liked this one. I tend to repeat myself a little.


Cheers, Chism.

I'll get the rewrite up in May. Thanks to everyone who read this and commented on it. Your comments really help and i thank you for them.

Andrew

Andrew, this is definately your best work to date. It's a balance of atmosphere and to me at least it has a surrealistic quality to it.
The last feature-length script I read from you was "Contagium" and this is a vast improvement. With "Contagium" you had the surrealism down but it didn't balance with the realism. It was trippy horror and at times was too trippy to be scary. It was deluted. "The Basement" you find that balance that works.

*spoilers*

My only qualm is the ending. The "one of use" ending seems a tad cheesy.

***1/2 out of *****

Thanks for checking it out.

I just finished fixing the errors and now i will extend the death scenes and gore and what not. After that i'll add more scenes which will help with the story. Oh, and i changed the whole sex scene around. More shocking and better how it is now.

I'll admit to also being curious as to how this rewrite will turn out. I'll have to see what he does since I'm out of the loop this time. That's not a complaint, BTW, just a comment.

Meant to say, I have been reading this and have now written about it and my review will be up in the next hour or so.

Hey Andrew and George, here is my review of "The Basement".

Excellent start, however why Gertie is not screaming in pain as her arms are stabbed I do not know. She asks "Whats going on?" as if normally awoken.

The dialouge is slick and quick to the point at the start which is good, a little more development at this early stage might make it even better.

Great descriptions along the road, simple and effective with a great format that is pleasing to my eyes!

The picture you draw that this hotel is magnificent is a great one. The "Man" seems interesting and Belle is now allowed a room to stay in a room. OK. Lets see what happens.

Not sure about the dream. It seems like a good idea but drags a little in the way it seemed predictable.

The MAN at the door is the same MAN that welcomed Belle into the hotel right? Why is all nice now and was not so pleasant before? He seems to have undergone a serious change in personality. Plus, he is the hotel butler. It's a bit out of place any Butler/Servant doing that in any hotel. Unless this guy is a psycho or I have read this completly wrong but lets see how this moves.

Kim matching Belles eyes, like the dream was , is good. Nice scene here, the whole mood was well done.

I know the Carl-Belle thing might need to move ahead but this moving too fast for him to say something like that considering he's the Hotel staff. Surely?? People get sued for less. Maybe if they both had a chance to talk properly the previos evening it might make more sense, but at the moment Carl is coming across as a complete sex hound and Belle looks like a whore.

Another thing i dont get: Carl has only been working here a year yet knows the complete history of the place. How come he knows all this but has no idea why the room Belle hired has not been used in so long?
I hope and expect this to be explained.

Apart from the small, very small problems, it is so far good and enjoyable. It moves a great speed, is interesting and can imagine this being quite spooky if well directed. At the moment though, it is nothing I have not seen before. But let's see how this goes.

The Agnes woman is a character that seems interesting. But not much more then that at this moment. The fact her husband was murdered obviously plays a part, so the first quiestion I would ask is how and why but Belle asks neither to Carl when they leave the room. Why?

There is a nice shock from the bird but I dont really see the need for Carl and Belle to get it on so quick. Hey, this is a horror film so why not. Belle seems to have forgotten all about her boyfriend.

I have no idea why the sex scene is here. To either make Belle look like she has sex with men she knows less then a day; or to make Carl look like a complete pimp.  Either way, I dont know where this is going to lead us apart from not liking neither character.

Apart from that, the scene was really well written in regards to some sex scenes I have read before.

As I see it now: Belle is on her way to a funeral, gets stuck in rain and goes to a hotel. She ends up doing the dirty with the bellhop the next day and seems more interested in this hotel then getting to her initial destination. The sudden realisation of what she has done does not make up for it either.

The torture scene was very good, although I am confused what is going on , this was the best scene yet. Not becasue of the gore level, but the descriptions were excellent and you did a really good job of making sure there was no escape for the reader, nothing else was there but the brutallitly of the kill, it was completly focused on that. So that is a great scene.

Well that was great - you had me fooled I thought that was actually happening! So kudos to you for pulling that off. This is getting interesting....

The phone converation is great! Heh Heh, what a barsteward Carl is turning out to be!!

Well things are definitly getting interesting now! Carl is actually dead it seems according to Earl. Nice twist Andy, You have written this really well.

Things are picking up, becoming exciting. This is now turning out to be a well written script and all is coming to place nicely.

The scene is great where Belle bashes Carl over the head but I would change the phrase "turns his face inside out". I mean, does it literally turn his face inside out? If not, just state what it does: Leave a mark, slash him, bruise, leave a nasty mark:

The face reconstruction kind of answers my above question but I would then like more description of how and what part of his face is turned inside out. If all, you need to say so. I have no idea how much of his face is torn off. And what are we seeing underneath?

Apart from that, this is really kicking into gear. You have this completyl moved from a slow moving piece to something that is now full of urgency; a need to get away and escape which is described excellently. And may I add, a need to continue reading. Yuo have me hooked!

Laughed out loud at the Starbuck Starr line.  George? lol.

Not sure what to make of the story behind the story. I was expecting something a little more. What you have delivers perfectly and is great, but I am left somewhat dissapointed that it comes down to an old ghost story again. Not to say this is not good, by all means, this is great and a fantastic finish. But I was built up and expecting a completly different finish to one that has been told over and over again, but in different ways. I think you did it well, and with a great touch but you also dont give too much away in what it was all about. The civil war? Ok, I only know that from what you are now telling me. Photos are great, sure, but you never described any civil war activity whatsoever. It kind of makes the whole story become numb, and nonsence becasue it seems there was no point in anything you have shown us to get to this point.
If this is the main thing, the main part and the cause of this evil curse, then it needs to be made more clear earlier on.

We also get a lot of flashbacks. I know you like these Andrew and Im not going to say dont do it, but they do become a bit tiresome in the latter parts when the action should really be taking place. I found it very distracting and although crucial to the plot, it made me lose interest.  Maybe these shots can be placed earlier in one go, when maybe not so clear but when you read it later , you will think back and think "Oh shiiz".

The following scenes are great; the tunnel the coffin, the descriptions are excellent.

Inside the room, again description are brilliant. Personally, I love that. The more Im told about the place, the better. You have it spot on here, I can see it visually and can therefore enjoy the whole thing a lot more. Myslef, I drag on with describing something, and I dont think I will change that, but you have it where it is not too much and not too little so well done on that part.

You really did a great job with the wall not being a wall. That is a fantastic bit of writing.

Daniel is strapped to a table, there is a psycho with a saw in hand and he is still debating with Belle about their relationship. Not sure about some of this dialouge.

However, the murder that follows is excellent. Class. Brilliant!!!! Top notch. I would take back my last comment but I cant as it is how I felt as I read it. Now, forget it! This scene makes up for it. Very good, very gruesome and very, very nasty.

As they say, gore does not make a story and it certainly does not. This, however, has a story and is now delivering some gore along the way. That has to be one of the most sadistic murders I have read on this site. Great stuff.

Van Strotten's sadistic ways should have been told in flashbacks perhaps. He seems interesting and something should be done to capitilize on this.
As he is, he's just a ghost that appears and does nothing more then shock Belle. He is a nasty peice of work and you should maybe make him out to be more then he is at the moment.

Wow. Belle's feet scene is....great and distrurbing. Excellent!

The ending is superb. Well done and not having one of those "happy" endings that are deemed so nessecary all the time.

Looking at "The Basement" as a whole, I think you have done a brilliant job Andrew and this has to be you're best work I have read. Perhaps I was over critical, but I hope it helps. I have tried to be as critical as possible so it can help you as I know that , whilst great for the ego, positive remarks dont tend to help that well in rewrites.

Of course, George needs a big slap on the back aswell!  I think you both worked really well on this and the end product was one that you can both be very happy about.

"THE BASEMENT" is a very good read, and you should be very proud of writing it.

Thanks, Scoob. I did a little here and there, and yeah, I'm responsible for the Starbuck Starr reference. Bert just came up with a cool name.

Alright I didn't read over other reviews so I apologize if I sound redudant.
Andrew,
You've got yourself one good script. The dialogue is definately what shines. Whitty when it needs to be, smart, and scary. You tie things up pretty well at the end. It had sort of twilight zone feel with an old hotel.
Few comments/complaints:
I know you set your torture seens around them, but since many of these characters are from the civil war era I can't see them using chainsaws. Maybe some authentic tools for that time. Who knows they could prove to be more menacing.
I'm not one for the whole gruesome torture way. Sure I liked it in Old Boy and Audition. But for some reason I don't see any porpuse for it in your script. It didn't bother me at all. But I felt like you were just doing it to make me cringe. I don't know I guess I just get annoyed when the horror genre shows things for the sole reason of scaring us. I might add it was well written torture.
when Belle tells Carl he should leave the room when she was tired, it felt like she was attacking him. It would be such a burn I would be suprised if the girl who told me that then asked for my name. Her telling him that she's tired would followed him not catching on and then followed by her suggesting he'd leave would justify her request as well as add some humor. Just a thought.

One last thing is you didn't describe your characters at all. Just there age and for a few what they were wearing. That I feel is key. WHen carl is introduced as man I had no idea of his age or appearance. I still don't know if he's a greasey little man or a handsome squared jaw jock. Since many of your characters play signifigant roles in one way or another, describing them is a must.

In the end I found this very short but a very good script. For a feature I feel it builds too quickly and ends too suddenly. It's too long to be  a short. Your floating in that middle area. No problem with that thoough
Again great job Andrew and George.

Thanks a lot Tony. I'm going to submit the rewrite later today. Here is what is added:

- More graphic torture scenes
- Changed the sex scene around
- some more dialouge and action here and there
- An all new ending.
- Obviously the errors that have been pointed out and i have found are fixed.
- More explanation on Earl (and i'm suprised no one noticed a little thing about him. Here's a hint. When Belle meets Agnes... well just re-read that scene)
- extended scene when Carl enters Belle's room in the middle of the night
- they are now called garden shears. happy bert? haha.
- Belle's father has a brief part in the beginning
- More explantion on what the actually room that Belle was staying in was used for. (ps-more gore)
- more things before 'the twist' (since someone stated it was too soon i made it about 5 pages longer then it was before. that way there would be an extra 5mins before the twist is revealed. a little better?)

I might of forgot some stuff but you get the picture.

I'm almost done. I took everyone's comments towards the script and tried to make it better so those comments do not apply anymore. That way this could be all good comments. Haha. After re-reading the ending i decided to stick with the old one. BUT i will post the one i wrote after the Rewrite is up. That way you can all see what i had in my mind. And maybe decide which one i should use in my final product. After i'm doing with everything ima try and get this mother sold and have it produced. Now who would pay to see this in the movies?

Andrew

I'll have the next draft this weekend. Eli still hasn't contacted me back. So at this moment i know as much as you. If he doesn't in a few weeks i will try to contact some more people to get this up and running.

Haha. The revised version is up.... my final draft said it was longer then this.

It's about 74 pages or so. You have it set to 10 font size.

Though so.

It's really like 75 pages people. I hope you all enjoy it, if you read it that is.

How long was it in Final Draft? 10-point is smaller than Final Draft spits it out.

Final Draft has it on 72 pages.

Anyone going to check out my revised version? I still want my full review topher haha.

I actually did skim over the revised draft. I didn't read the whole thing over again, just glanced at the few areas I suggested you improve.

SPOILERS...

The Kim dream is much better this time. You cater to the audience's confusion with Kim telling Belle she hasn't know her all her life and with Kim telling her to go away, the scene has much more of a point. The blood coming out her face was a nice touch as well.

Holy shit! The sex scene has changed completely! It's nothing at all like it was the first time around and I think works much better. It's disturbing how the scene evolves from romantic dancing to a rape scene. Well done. I also like how decided not to show the entire rape and cut to Belle finding blood on the sheets and examining herself in the bathroom. The effect is much more eerie.

I also see you've added a scene after the credits roll. It's a little unneccesary but it's after the credits so I guess it's not that big a deal. I think it adds sort of a nice effect as well.

All in all, this seems to be very much improved. Good job.

Thanks for checking it out again James. I'm glad you thought it was better and all. I thought the 'scene' would work much better this way and i also had to change some of the dialouge after it so everything would fit. I also thought it would be cool to add the scene after the credits. But i am telling you THERE WILL NOT be a sequal. This is a one time script. So i hope everyone else feels the same way if they check it out.

Thanks a lot for reading it man. I'm glad you enjoyed it.  

Anyone else plan on checking out the new version?

Andrew

I am.

i'll post my review in a couple days.

I think it's been a couple days.

Just finished Andrew. Like everyone else probably said, it's pretty gruesome. I'll just start off with a couple of minor things.

I'll say SPOILERS!!! now, just in case.

At Brian’s house you’ve first mentioned he has black hair then straight after in the next sentence you’ve said he has brown hair.

On the same scene further down you’ve said “He fakes a smile to her. She shakes her hand.” It should be “He shakes her hand” I think.

The first time Earl appears Belle says “I’m just looking for my frien... this man that works her.” That should be “...this man that works here” It’s just minor, I know.

When Belle turns and runs into Carl in the torture room she says “Do you rape girls and kill them? Is that you’re fucking game?” It should be “Is that your fucking game?”

The Format: Obviously good. Nothing wrong with it at all. You certainly know how to write a script.

The Story: The story was good. I kind of guessed Carl was dead when you said that the other guests paid no attention to him. I liked the whole background and story of the families. It was pretty gory but it fitted very well. And the kind of twist ending where she's trying to get away from Carl and she notices the entire hotel is rundown... that, for me, was a mouth and eyes wide open, gasp moment  . That was very cool.

The Characters: Belle I kind of had a problem with. Though on most occasions she was fine, sometimes her emotions or actions just didn't feel real for me. She basically saw her entire family get wiped out in totally gruesome acts and her emotions were usually just minor. I know she was in some situation in the hotel, which made me understand she couldn't really focus on the deaths much but I think she could've helped or tried to help prevent the likes of Dan's death.

The other characters were good. I really liked the sinister Carl. He was pretty disturbing in some points of the script and the detail in his actions left no room for imagination.  

The Verdict: Other than a few points, the story was great and pretty original. I didn't think it would end the way it did so it really surprised me. It's a short script but it's sweet. It was a pleasant read indeed.

GBM Score: 7/10

The Basement is a very well told story with really graphic descriptions of blood and gore. However your script is just short enough not to be a feature length and just long enough to not be considered as a short. I’d say the story was fairly original,---


SPOILERS-------------------


but I’m pretty sure I’ve heard of like a blood line sort of being cursed, because of something a great great grandfather did.

The Protagonist-Belle
Belle is sort of a strange character. When she was bashing in Carl’s face with a hammer and knocking his brains all around the room it didn’t seem like she was fazed she just got up and ran away. It takes guts to slam someone’s head in with a hammer. Belle did a lot of questionable things in my opinion here’s a short list of them.
-Why wouldn’t Belle ask why the room hadn’t been occupied in almost twenty years before she paid for it?
-Why is Belle so willing to follow Carl into the dark place? Didn’t he rape her? I guess it’s okay since it was a dream, but it just felt odd.
-When Belle sees Carl beating Kim why doesn’t she run? She just stands there and saying things like “What are you doing?”
-Why doesn’t Belle call the police immediately after she’s raped?
-Belle doesn’t seem too surprised when she finds out Carl is dead. When Earl tells her she has one little outburst, and then she accepts it.

Character/Descriptions
I felt that the characters were all pretty bland besides Belle. Since the script was kind of short you didn’t get a chance to show what a lot of the others were like. To me Brian and Daniel are pretty close to being the same person. The only thing that makes them different is the fact that ones the boyfriend and the others the brother.

I would have really liked to have known Gertie a little more. The opener is great, and it might not be necessary, but it might be a good idea to tell a little more of Gertie’s story before she’s killed just to up the page count a tad bit.

The descriptions of the violence were excellent. When Kim had her teeth hammered out I was just imagining how horrible it would look on screen. Good job on writing something so vividly disgusting.

Questions/Comments
-I’m trying to figure out what purpose the first dream had. It didn’t push the story along at all. You should really re-consider taking that out.
-I’m pretty sure phone conversations are O.S. for off screen
-The scene with Agnes was good.
-I don’t think it was ever explained why the Colonel was losing the hotel?
-When Belle falls out of the hotel window things got less frantic, and it seemed that she wasn’t in much of a hurry to leave. She was stopping at every grave she saw and it didn’t seem like she was in much of a hurry.
-When Daniel grabs a knife from the table, where did the knife come from?
-Why does Carl unchain Belle, and let her punch him in the face?
-In the end Earl says something “Like I would have walked you out if I could.” Why couldn’t he tell her the truth I don’t think it was ever said.
-I like the idea of a new scene coming up after the credits, but can you explain to me what it meant, I was a bit confused about it.

Final Thoughts
Once again you have a great story, but I’m not sure how you would try to sell it, because to me it didn’t feel like a feature length or a short. The only problems I saw were Daniel and Brian being identical characters and Belle making some questionable decisions. The graphic stuff was well-written and the dialogue was very actable, and what an ending! The bad guys win oh well. Great Job.

Good Luck.

Thanks for checking it out.
I'm actually thinking on adding a lot more to it. Like and very much extended ending (SPOILER) before belle dies. at least 15 more pages of suspense until the conclusion. Is this a good idea? Or is it perfect how it is now?

I loved how short it was to be honest Andrew. Like I said above on my review, short and sweet. I think it wouldn't hurt it by adding a few more pages of suspense, actually it would probably strengthen it. 15 pages, for me, is a little too much. 5 pages maybe 8 tops. You shouldn't try to over do it.

Did Eli Roth pick this up? What did he say?


PS I'm not be narky, I am curious.

Quoted from -Ben- Did Eli Roth pick this up? What did he say?

He ended up being a hollywood dickhead. After talking to him for a few days he just stopeed talking. I don't know if something came up or if he is avoiding me. Who knows. I'm still waiting for a reply which i will probably never get.


[ADD] George is helping me rewrite it since he cowrote it.

Haha. Hostel wasn't that bad! It was a good popcorn flick. But it's the type of movie you can only watch one time. I give him credit on doing it. At least it strays away from the other shit horror movies that are being released. It's also good to watch with a girl. I'd hold onto it for that reason. lol.

Well keep shopping it around. It's a solid script. I'm sure you'll be able to sell it.

i got stuck watching she's the man also. most horrible movie ever. haha.

Read this about 6/10s through and you lost me in a big way. This made absolutely no sense. I tried to keep reading to the end, but I just had to stop. I was getting annoyed.


I did make notes on what I did read:

near the beginning when she goes to see Brian, you put: I'm "doing" to see "brain".

Brian says "Don't act like you worry" I think care would be better in place of worry. Care just sounds like it's more of a personal thing and more emotional.

Another big thing I didn't like is there were a lot of similarities to both Psycho and The Shiing. Rainy hotel's already been done, and doesn't make much sense to be stranded. It's only RAIN a snow storm would have made more sense, but I suppose you didn't want it to seem completely like the Shining.

Dialogue seemed robotic at one spot near the beginning. It may be more of a personal suggestion, but incorporate more abbreviations to sound more natural. You put:
BELLE
Sir... I have no where else to go. Please. I need somewhere to stay. I will pay you whatever you need. 'I will sleep in the lobby. I do not care.'  
- I'd change it to "I'LL sleep in the lobby I DON'T care."

And there were a few other spelling mistakes, just couldn't reference them because no page numbers.

To me, since Belle paid up through Friday, sounding like it's several days, I think it would make more sense if she paid as little as she must. The weather report could be false and if it let up that night, she could leave the next morning, so why pay so much?

Why are there candles and lamps and flowers for smelling in a room unused for 20 years?

The scene where Carl wakes up Belle I think should be lost. It's too much like psycho, goes nowhere, and I think Belle should be more angry that he woke her up to see how she was doing in the middle of the night.

I got lost in places in time. Maybe you could put pm or am by the times or signify if it's day or night.

Why does she follow Carl into the basement after he just raped her?

Why did Belle start dancing and kissing Carl so easily. This made me dislike Belle and not care for her much at all after this. She just met Carl the night before, and they didn't even talk very much, and he woke her up in the middle of the night, and she's all over him??? huh??? And after telling Dan that she loves him all the time. This seems both out of character and bad for our (at least MY) caring about this character.

Why does she just watch the torture of the girl in the red dress???

Why doesn't she leave the hotel???

Why doesn't she call the police instead of just sitting on her bed, still aving casual conversations with the guy that just raped her??? Wow, I never knew rain could be such a deterrent that it keeps you from getting help after being raped. She never even runs and tells anyone else in the hotel.

The only thing that kept me reading was when she just seemed to cut from the torture scene and back into bed, and apparently it was a dream, so I forgave all that, but little did I know that here were more questions that lied ahead of me.

The guy in the suit, outta the shining again.

I thought it was a dream, but it all really happened???? She told Earl he took advantage of her. So why did she go right from the torture sequence to being in bed?????

The old lady not really being alive, once again more shining.

then Earl starts to tell about Carl, and then it just cuts to Belle being in bed and Earl telling her to get some rest??? Was this a mistake? or are you gonna fill it in later??? If so, you shouldn't post a script you're not finished with.

Then I just stopped reading when she went  down into the torture room, which was locked??? And then you said it looked the same as her dream. Well, was it a dream or wasn't it??????

This just made no sense and was very unnatural. I just wanted Belle to die already and get it over with, and left me scratching my head the whole time. I'm not trying to be mean, it's just there's not much good to be said about this.

I don't want to sound like an asshole. But how can one person give me so many questions on whats going on and stop reading the script a little more then half way through. Sure, mistakes are in the script but most questions are answered. I was not thinking the Shining or Psycho so in my case this script has NOTHING to do with it. It was not inspiration or anything at all. If you read my work in progress board for this script. You will see me build the entire story and change it all. The script does make sense. Say you are watching the Sixth Sense. You have no idea what's happening and 6/10 way through you just leave the theatre. Of course it won't make senses because you do not know the ending.

Everyone that read it enjoyed in some senses. Because most answers NOT ALL but most were answered in the end. This is like the critic who was actually Kevin Smith who gave Clerks 2 bad reviews and got bitched at because he said he left half way through. None of this is disrespect to you at all i promise. I just wanted to explain myself and what not.

I read the rest, since I was bored, and it didn't get much better for me and my previous questions still stand, and I didn't get the scene after the credits. It just wasn't my cup of tea, to put it nicely. But don't take any of my comments personally Andrew. I really was not trying to attack you. If I came off as an @$$hole, I promise you that certainly was not my intention. I just call 'em as I see 'em, and this just didn't work for me. Just my opnion. No hard feelings I hope.

We'll just have to make sure these issues are corrected in the revision, that's all. I took no offense, personally.

No hard feelings at all. I take it all as help for the revised version me and George are working on. But i just don't like people saying those things without reading the entire script. No offense at all man.

I read this and I think its cool. Great climax and ending. There is not really much for me to suggest except correct the typos. Besides Eli Roth, is there any other directors you are going to show the script too?

Once the script is entirely done and all errors are fixed and all scenes make sense and characters are all better. you know all that jazz. after all that i will shop it around and talk to some people about it.

This is what you can expect in the new version of The Basement.

more violence (of course)
more character development
an all new subplot with an all new character
some scenes are extended
more dialouge (which includes extra lines and the dialouge will all be improved)

and i might add some more stuff. we'll see what George and I can whip up.

Quoted Text Basement, The (revised) by Andrew Roby - Thriller, Horror - On her way to her mothers funeral, Belle Rogers stops at a Hotel until the rain settles down. But the Hotel is full... except for the Basement. And in the Basement only your sickest most horrific fantasies can come true. 72 pages - html, format

Is this the latest version of this script? Or you're talking about a new draft submitted but not available yet?

I ask this because I might take a look at this one. Thanks.

I am currently revising the script. I've read the script and all the reviews. I'm not really messing with the gore but working on character development and trying to iron out a lot of the rough spots. I'm driving Andrew crazy because it's taking me awhile, but hopefully, it will be better, at least in the character department.

Mr. Z,

Just wait until the new version is up. You can read the Revised version that is up now if you want but the version that will be  up will be more improved, make more sense, better characters and what not.

Ok guys. I'll wait for the new version.