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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    My Work In Progress  ›  Looking for some pre-production notes on a short. Moderators: bert
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  Author    Looking for some pre-production notes on a short.  (currently 1955 views)
Grandma Bear
Posted: November 7th, 2022, 4:15pm Report to Moderator
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That was great! Gorgeously shot and your son is just too cute. I can see you being ready for a feature.  


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Matthew Taylor
Posted: November 7th, 2022, 5:40pm Report to Moderator
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Amazing short film! Well done.

Lighthouse was a really cool setting and I was moved by the story.

As the owner of a 3 and 6 year old, I can’t even get them to put clothes on in the morning, let alone deliver lines. So double well done


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
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LC
Posted: November 7th, 2022, 6:14pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Matthew Taylor
...  As the owner of a 3 and 6 year old, I can’t even get them to put clothes on in the morning, let alone deliver lines. So double well done



P.S. James, very good of you to give us all a thanks at the end. Not necessary as you did all the work, but nice.


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Warren
Posted: November 7th, 2022, 6:27pm Report to Moderator
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Awesome work, I really like the way it turned out.


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jwent6688
Posted: November 7th, 2022, 6:44pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for watching this and the kind words, Libby.


Quoted from LC

I have one quibble about her reaction when the child first makes his appearance (a bit downplayed imho),


I'll admit, I had trouble directing Nicole. She had lost a 1-year-old son a few years back and was one of the main reasons I picked her. She wanted to do this almost as therapy for herself. When I wanted more pain, more emotion, I was just at a loss of what to say to her.  "Imagine your son was gone?" So, I kind of just rolled with what she gave me.  


Quoted from LC
I hope you did the least amount of takes going up those stairs.  
This was a one nighter. I almost died that day.


Quoted from eldave1
Bravo!


Thanks, Dave. Your review of the original script really sent me back to the drawing board here.


Quoted from Grandma Bear
  I can see you being ready for a feature.  


I don't know. I still haven't written a feature I could shoot on my own, yet. I'm glad you liked this.


Quoted from Matthew Taylor
As the owner of a 3 and 6 year old, I can’t even get them to put clothes on in the morning, let alone deliver lines. So double well done


Cooper is almost 6. My other boy is 4. I know what you mean. For some reason, Cooper listens in front of the camera. Every other thing I ask him to do in life is a complete chore.


Quoted from LC
P.S. James, very good of you to give us all a thanks at the end. Not necessary as you did all the work, but nice.


I needed some honest eyes on this one. Not a family member or someone I hang out with who will never tell you their legitimate opinion. So, putting you guys in the credits was a no-brainer. Thanks again everyone!

James




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jwent6688
Posted: November 7th, 2022, 6:45pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Warren
Awesome work, I really like the way it turned out.


Thanks Warren, Good luck on your upcoming production!



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AlsoBen
Posted: November 10th, 2022, 5:33am Report to Moderator
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Congrats. I really liked the photography - there's an wide shot early on where she walks into the lighthouse for the first time and the framing and lighting is really effective! An especially sad short when you see the dedication at the end.


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jwent6688
Posted: November 11th, 2022, 7:43pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Ben. I'm glad you enjoyed it as well as that wide shot. I wanted to try and get the twist of the winding staircase and the chainblocks all in the same shot as she walked in.

James


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jwent6688
Posted: May 5th, 2023, 9:36am Report to Moderator
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I took this film down for a bit, but it's permanently public now if anyone else wants to see it. We entered 4 film festivals and only made it into one. Albeit the ones we didn't make were pretty prestigious. Atlanta, Cleveland International and Tribeca said we weren't good enough. So it didn't get the response I was hoping for, but we're all still super proud of it. Thanks again to everyone here who chipped in with their ideas. You all helped shape the story.

James



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