Picked this one from the bunch on the logline since I'm currently working on something similar'ish. Not a comedy though.

I'm amazed you wrote this one in what, 72hrs or something? I loved it! Very current and hilarious too!

Some of your paragraphs were funny too which is perfect for comedy where you want to keep the reader in a comedic mood even when nothing in particular at the moment is funny. Like this for example. "In real life sewers are three inches wide. In Movies they are underground cities. This is a Movie."

Great job writer, whoever you are.

PS: Having read through the other comments here, I'm amazed how some people missed so many of the details in this script that makes it funny and current. Everything from demographics groups to consent forms and everything in between. I think this was excellent!

I think this was an interesting story with a good set up and then just went careening downhill with the absurdist allegations and all the cops getting accused of rape. I think this really could have been so much more.

Also, was a whistle really utilized here?  Ah fuck it, five points for you on criteria. And if I had stopped reading about page three, I’d give you much higher points across the board. Oh, well, it’s still better than what I wrote so congrats.

Really funny stuff here. Gave me a good laugh. Poor SJWs would probably be offended by this.

Writing was really good, I didn't get hung up on anything. Dialog was funny and flowed naturally.

The end was great, though I think you should cut the final line of dialog. Just leave us with the image of the bulging panties.

Great work here.

If the Love Shack is an unsanctioned enterprise, why are Cops there to arrest people? Arrests require reports be written, which would require the Cops to acknowledge their own illegal participation. Of course, you couldn’t have the absurd ending without the Cops, so maybe they make a surprise appearance--a raid. On another point, how much “good behavior” is Valerie expecting down in a sewer? She’s described as attractive, so that must mean the pickings are mighty slim on the other side of the wall, so what exactly are all the women doing to satisfy their needs? That aside, I liked the story and the extremes to which “acceptable” courting behavior have been taken.

good sarcasm on what's going on today in the world.
Yes, exactly.
It's just the right amount over the top.
Doesn't read like a story but as a sketch it works for me.

As a card carrying SJW this didn't work for this snowflake - sorry.

Well written though.

Quoted from AnthonyCawood As a card carrying SJW this didn't work for this snowflake - sorry. Well written though.

What in the world is SJW?

Damn, I'm either getting really old or the world is getting really fucked up.

Wait...I think it's both!!

Jeff, really?

You have Google right?

SJW - Social Justice Warrior

Oh and a Sikh is someone of that religion, an Indian religion with 25m adherents around the world... male Sikhs often wear turbans.

Quoted from Dreamscale What in the world is SJW? Damn, I'm either getting really old or the world is getting really fucked up. Wait...I think it's both!!

I think the world has always been fucked up, you just don't realize that until you get old.

Quoted from AnthonyCawood Jeff, really? You have Google right? SJW - Social Justice Warrior Oh and a Sikh is someone of that religion, an Indian religion with 25m adherents around the world... male Sikhs often wear turbans.

I actually did, but it didn't make any sense to me what I read.  Still unsure what it means or is.

Also, no clue what a "snowflake" is supposed to mean.  I'm sorry...just don't know.

Quoted from Zack I think the world has always been fucked up, you just don't realize that until you get old.

Thanks, Zack.  I feel even worse now.  

Quoted from Dreamscale Thanks, Zack.  I feel even worse now.

You're welcome, Bro!  

Quoted from Zack You're welcome, Bro!

Zack, you're a young, strapping lad     Do you know what these things mean?

I wonder if Pia does?  Or Bert?  Or Stump?  Or my 94 year old Dad?  Or stevie's about to be 80 yaar old Dad?  Or my dog, Jake?

Hi Writer,

I think this is one of the most imaginative and funny takes on the criteria.

It's a difficult issue to tackle, but you did a good job. I think one can agree or not with the social commentary, but still find the script funny and entertaining.

The writing was good and you managed to build a complete world in a very short amount of space, so kudos for that.

I don't have much more left to say. It's a solid entry and I enjoyed it, except for the last twist, I think that was pushing things too far.

Well done,
David

Cool title and I love the logline here.

Wish you would've kept the title Love Shack BTW.

I was all in when I read that the wall separates the guys from the gals... but this gets way too weird for me to say I enjoyed reading. Because it was well written, I did finish. Sort of saw the end coming.

Nice writing on display. Not my favorite story however.

Good job writer.