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Wow, we're beginning to toe the line of soft core porn...
The story had a solid set-up and showing one of the regular customers worked very well to establish the unique little store. The plot was very complete and it flowed with a good pacing, so not much else to say but OMG!!!! at the end.
Found that very amusing, well set-up, and quite the just desserts.
This was a good read. Very original. Starts out very light-hearted and goes dark in the snap of the fingers. All I'll say about the ending is... wow! I'd hate to spoil it for other potential readers. Good job, anonymous.
I'm pretty sure I know the author of this one although it's something of a departure from their usual stuff. I really enjoyed it. A slow build-up and a great punchline. The opening had me thinking Ophelia was the heroine of this piece but it soon became clear that our lesbian friends were the true stars. I won't spoil the ending for anyone, but wow! I can't believe I didn't see it coming.
Oh my goodness...I think that punishment was worse than any bullet to the head! Beautifully written, kinda erotic how you had the women checking out all the "special selection" of items.
There's really not much to criticize here. Short, sweet, and probably one of the more effective endings that I've read on this site altogether. Seriously, that's the best way to end something!
I thought I knew who wrote this, but then going to the end I think my mind is changed...I'm kinda 50/50 on the writer. But wow, a job well done!
Personally, I would've like Gold-Tooth and Ophelia to be less separate vignettes...perhaps if Ophelia passed Gold-Tooth in the street before going in and he leered at her, something very simple like that, just so we have the idea of Gold-Tooth and it doesn't seem like two...I don't know, stories, almost
I gotta admit i liked this one, whoever it is has certainly, gotten the feel of the genre. The characters seem to have something more to offer, and are'nt one dimensional.
mmmm i wonder who????? 9/10 i rate it! would love to read more.and possibly learn more from this person, am i kissin ass, I think i ammmmm!
When I first read a post about this bordering on soft core porn, I thought; that’s atrocious! This needs to be taken down immediately! I’d better check it out and see just how bad it is so I can warn the others.
I know who wrote this - Caligula!
Just kidding. This was all in good fun, I think. The scenes with Ophelia were really good. Even conceivably realistic. People are never quite as repressed as they appear historically.
Toward the end I was wondering, is this a female revenge yarn or some male sex fantasy? - haha
As I said, though, it was all in good fun. And it was fun.
I had decided not to read any more scripts today, because I have a lot of work in my desk, but then I read the word "lesbian" and... bah... nevermind.
This was great, specially the ending; didn´t see that coming. A very fast and enjoyable read.
The only detail I could pick you on is when you include actions in parenthicals (i.e. when the cowboy checks Geri on p.6). IMO, that should be written as an action line. Other than that, format is perfect.
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