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Maybe a scream followed by him saying, "Oh my God, yes!" Or is that way too much?
I laughed my ass off when I read this..
The potential for a full-length feature for your script is enormous here, Bert..
I presonally think you should weave this little bugger into Starbuck Star, would be really cool..
Sometimes the risky is where the bold writer ventures and can produce outstanding results..
I know it's not probably acceptable but I can't get this little story out of my head now.. Jees.. I like it too much me thinks.. I really do think you have something very special here and you should open it out and explore some more with it..
Would that be the Seven Year Itch...aka the one where Marilyn's dress ends up round her ears? And the raunchiness on this thread is clearly not my fault. And as for Andrew, I told him that scene was too much, and then he went and lied to me telling me he cut it down...dork.
And for the record, I was kidding. I'm a big fan of the implied ending...
I think you do your best writing when you let loose a little bit.
You've got all the technical stuff down, now you just need to work on being a little more free in your story telling. Don't restrict yourself and by that I do not at all refer to this sex banter here, but in your general story telling.
Just let it all flow and if it's too much, you can always go back and rewrite. My favorite writings so far is Better Days and All-mart. The Farm to me, felt like you really held back.
I missed the deadline for the Western challenge back in January by a few hours. Right now I'm tweaking my own script for that challenge so that I can post it soon. This lead me to reread some of the other entries and since we have a lot of new members, is it OK if I bump up this thread? (if not, just delete this post) I really, really laughed at this, not only was the script great, but some of the comments were hilarious as well.
If you are new here and like to read a well written, western short, give this one a try. I would even go as far as calling this an SS classic.
And don't try to tell me that lesbian western's been done to death!
Thanks to your bump, Pia, I finally have experienced Paramour's for myself. How I let this pass by me, I have no clue.
Once again, bert shows his "short" skills. I really can't name a short of his that is even remotely below average. They all have a good premise to them and usually have a great twist at the end.
This one really got me though. I really was expecting something to happen with Ophelia and Paramour. I glanced at a few of these reviews and saw "softcore" and "great end" so I was expecting to read about an orgy of women, but sadly that was not the case. The ending was a classic bert ending and ends in that clever abrupt fashion it always does.
Well, at last, after having heard of it, I read Paramour's. I liked it and found it very subtil. On the other hand, I was a bit disappointed at the end. Of course, the guy deserves what he's got, but my mind went further before I reached the end. Maybe that's my French side, but I imagined Geri and Jessie would cut his-- masculine attribute and turn it into one of their selling items behind the black silk curtain.
Finally, maybe I'm too weird or just too much imagination
I read this the first week I became a member of SS and I thought I had said something about it but I've just went through this thread and I hadn't. Hmm, well, I thought it was brilliant anyways. The formatting and dialogue is fantastic. I thought the idea was great as well as the one Michel posted not so long ago, but, I do like your ending better Bert. It suits it just that bit more I think.
Well, it's been a while since anyone said anything about Paramour's and I know everything I've said has probably already been said but I'm sure you don't mind getting another compliment on your script. Once I start reading full-length scripts here again (haven't had much time) I will definitely want to check out your others Bert. Nicely done.