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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Western Scripts  ›  Paramour's Moderators: bert
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dogglebe
Posted: January 26th, 2006, 5:48pm Report to Moderator
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I wasn't that fond of this story.  It didn't hava real western flavor to it.  There were a couple of points that led me to believe that it was Dr. M. as he mentioned he was new to the genre.  Anyway, this story could've taken place in any small town today.  It was a nice dramatic piece, but it came up short in the western department.


Phil
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bert
Posted: January 30th, 2006, 8:20am Report to Moderator
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Finally getting a chance to make some self-indulgent comments on this one.  Frankly, I was a little nervous about putting this one out there.  Glad nobody had a problem with it.

*  The whole lesbian angle was my wife's idea, actually.  I pitched her the assignment and "lesbians" is the first thing she said.  (Yeah...I am not sure what to make of that either).  So I typed it up and showed it to her, and she was like, "Um...that's not really what I had in mind."
*  I cheated a tiny bit.  "Gold-Tooth" is a character who shows up in the next episode of Starbuck Starr.  His name is really Coyote.  This part of his backstory (get it...backstory?) is completely new, however.
*  Hey, Brea -- I told you before I thought our styles were a little similar.  I was pretty amused, and had a hard time holding back last week.  I hope you were more pleased than chagrined at all the speculation...
*  About the title -- plenty of people probably know that "paramour" is an actual word, but if you don't, you should check your dictionary.

Anyways, glad that most of you liked it.  I had more fun with this assignment than I thought I would at first.

The first draft actually took the end a little bit further, but that was edited out pretty darn quick, and I suspect that I don't need to justify to anyone why that was trimmed....



Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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dogglebe
Posted: January 30th, 2006, 8:41am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from bert

*  The whole lesbian angle was my wife's idea, actually.  I pitched her the assignment and "lesbians" is the first thing she said.  (Yeah...I am not sure what to make of that either).  


Giggidy giggidy!


Phil

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Breanne Mattson
Posted: January 30th, 2006, 3:32pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from bert
Hey, Brea -- I told you before I thought our styles were a little similar.  I was pretty amused, and had a hard time holding back last week.  I hope you were more pleased than chagrined at all the speculation...


How could I be chagrined to be compared to such a quality writer? Though, I have to say I could maybe see people thinking I wrote the first part but the last part? Whoa, Nellie!


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Higgonaitor
Posted: January 30th, 2006, 5:03pm Report to Moderator
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Phil, that is just about the creepiest avatar I have ever seen, ever (and that includes the Tanuki).  You might scare me into reading pugumentary.


NEW!Everquenching Lemonade:Thirsty for a comedy short?
And the Rest!

Watch Squirt! (My web-series!)
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Helio
Posted: February 1st, 2006, 12:52pm Report to Moderator
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Bert, man, it was a primourously short script I've ever read in this Westerns! Congratulations! Well written and descriptive piece! How about something like Jessie&Geri feature movie, huh?
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bert
Posted: February 1st, 2006, 4:17pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Helio
...a primourously short script...


Thank you, Helio, for offering up your own unique brand of approval.  I am glad you enjoyed it.

But a Geri & Jessie feature?  Probably not.

However, now that I have them, I actually like them quite a bit -- and I am wondering if there isn't a place for them somewhere in Starbuck Starr.


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Helio
Posted: February 2nd, 2006, 9:05am Report to Moderator
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Yeah, I read Starbuck Starr and I've think about that you would insert Geri and Jessie inside a spaceship travelling throughout the universe looking for trouble...The time of these type of couple has come - Brokeback Mountain don't let to lie!

By the way, Starbuck Starr is another good work written by you!
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Helio
Posted: February 2nd, 2006, 4:19pm Report to Moderator
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Bert, I was thinking about your two heroines what makes us to realize that Geri and Jessie are lesbians...Just because the collection of carved phalluses? My dear grandmother has many of them and she is strait woman!
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James McClung
Posted: February 2nd, 2006, 4:27pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Helio
Bert, I was thinking about your two heroines what makes us to realize that Geri and Jessie are lesbians...Just because the collection of carved phalluses? My dear grandmother has many of them and she is strait woman!


That's an excellent question, Helio. I would've never thought of them as lesbians if it weren't written in the logline. What's the deal, Bert?


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Helio
Posted: February 2nd, 2006, 4:50pm Report to Moderator
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That's right, James. We do catch him, don't we? What's the deal, Bert? You tricked us?

Wooooaaaadoooo! Bert/Treb/Bert/Treb/Bert/Treb Wooooaaaadoooo!
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Breanne Mattson
Posted: February 2nd, 2006, 8:34pm Report to Moderator
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What do you guys want? An explicit lesbian lovemaking scene? -- haha

Seriously, though, it would have been an interesting experiment to see if people would have just assumed it without it in the logline.


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bert
Posted: February 2nd, 2006, 10:27pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from James McClung
I would've never thought of them as lesbians if it weren't written in the logline. What's the deal, Bert?


Are you sure about that?  The way they dress, the book titles, dabbing the perfume behind Ophelia's ear...and there's other subtle things.

I had Brea's point in mind, too.  I think something too explicit would have resulted in some attacks on this piece -- and that certainly wasn't what I was going for.

I tried for the middle ground here -- and only had a week -- and even without the logline, I think the reader would still be, like, "hmm...do you think...?"


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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sfpunk
Posted: February 2nd, 2006, 10:50pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Helio
My dear grandmother has many of them and she is strait woman!


why do you know this? haha


My Scripts
'Trail Of Ashes' - (Drama/Horror)

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James McClung
Posted: February 2nd, 2006, 11:07pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from bert


Are you sure about that?  The way they dress, the book titles, dabbing the perfume behind Ophelia's ear...and there's other subtle things.

I had Brea's point in mind, too.  I think something too explicit would have resulted in some attacks on this piece -- and that certainly wasn't what I was going for.

I tried for the middle ground here -- and only had a week -- and even without the logline, I think the reader would still be, like, "hmm...do you think...?"


I don't know. It's hard to say whether or not I would've picked up on any of those subtleties since I knew they were lesbians from the getgo. I agree a graphic lesbian sex scene would've been distasteful and probably would've been too over-the-top coupled with the ending... err... conclusion (there we go). But still, I think a little flirting or something of that nature might have conveyed the lesbian bit without spelling it out completely.

Anyway, it's a great script as is. I have few quibbles with it. I just thought Helio brought up an interesting point.


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