ARC by Not Telling - The night shift at Heathrow's animal centre get some new guests.  Short, Thriller

Some awkward phrasing, but otherwise the writing is solid. I thought the twist at the end was kinda funny. Other than that, I just don't feel like there's much meat on these bones.

Solid effort.

Yeah, heard it’s the little scorpions you have to look out for. Thankfully, in my neck of the woods they don’t exist, except for collectors of exotic pets etc. Anyway, scary thought/scenario going on here but… not feeling a twist in this, or shock value. If it was the TSA at Heathrow and they dug into someone’s pants like a pervert and got bit by one of these lil bastards, then maybe that would have a nice sour lemon twist in terms of a morality theme… don’t go digging in peoples pants.

Decent effort

Not too much of a twist as the scorpions escaped and ended on her hat !!!

It's hard with only 2 pages but this one really didn't work for me..

Good job on entering though

I liked this, though the description is a bit dense at parts and absent of proper commas. It could use some rewording. Nevertheless, I liked the twist, which sort of ends on a cliffhanger, though it's enough to suggest the danger that lies ahead. I would not label this as a thriller or horror, though.

Good work.

-- Michael

The writing is a bit inefficient in places - but I kind of dig the story other than I have no idea why you would use an airport for a setting in this tale.

A stinger ending?  

There's no tension in the writing, it comes off as lighthearted comedy, which is fine except for the genre requirements. This isn't much of a thriller, but fine, comedy thriller.

Not bad, just not much here.

Hi writer,

I liked the dry humour in this, intentional or not.

The writing isn’t bad but the story is pretty straight forward, could have used more of a sting in the tail

All the best.

Haha!

ABBI
Look, they're more scared of you.
CARL
Unlikely. And what do you mean they?

Funny droll humour.
Short, sweet, very enjoyable, and with a sting in the tail, potentially literally.

A very nice and different entry.

I liked the setup and the idea, dialogue felt natural.

The Ending didn't do it too much for me and labelling it horror is a stretch.

Good effort though

Bad title for a decent script that makes good use of its comic possibilities.

This is another one that feels as if cuts were made to squeeze the story into its pages.

Bonus points for the beastie actually existing.

A perfectly solid entry.

Great idea, written well. Definitely a sting in the tail type of twist, but...I felt the ending fell a bit flat. I do love the idea though. It would make a great short but maybe just something a bit more impactful at the end instead of them just resting on the brim of her hat.

Nice effort!!

Decent effort with a minimal twist. More comedy than horror.
Well done

This didn't do much for me. A guy breaks a scorpion cage and the scorpion might sting them. Not much of a setup or twist. An extra element, like there was something foul at play or something, would've helped a lot.

I live in scorpion country, so I get this:

ABBI
Look, they're more scared of you.
CARL
Unlikely.

I hate those little buggers.

Good story. Pretty sure they don't ship in glass containers but who cares. Needs a cleanup but it fits the parameters. Good work.