I don't think we're dead here already...are we?  I don't think we really have stuck on course at all, and maybe missed a bunch of things that Mike's script actually succeeded in.  And...alot of people that voted haven't said Jackshit yet.  Maybe, like GM, they haven't finished yet. Let's give it some more time?

Cool?

In reference to my previous post which is spawned a strange "relevancy" issue about character.  Characters are relevant when the camera sees them and you have to pay the actor to be there.  If you're not a good enough writer to physically place and name a handful of people all at the same time then why bother to write in a medium that lends itself to ensemble casts.  Afraid of confusing the reader?  If you're a good writer you won't.

I think Mike does a nice job with the single room setting and a pretty big cast.  You meet four people when Gabe walks in the door.  There is a nice moment where he walks in and the waitress waves her hand and then everything is in motion.  Everything means the next part of the story, Gabe and the new characters you see in the foreground and the background throughout a lot of scenes.  From their introductions the new characters are physically a part of the story. Mike's secure enough in his writing that he knows the reader is going to stay with him long enough to find out more about the new characters and how their stories parallel and tie in to Gabe's.

Hmmm...uhhh...I'm going to wait for someone else to comment here on this.

Sounds like the tone is changing here.

The Sc always brings up something that get people fired up...

Don't think the tone is changing Jeff... but I'm waiting to see where it's going. It does seem Lakewood knows something about the industry though...

I don't have a comment in regard to Lakewood, but I am thinking about commercial appeal. I just read the first page again, and as we all know, the first few pages are very important when a script being picked by a script reader.

The first 3 things I picked up from the first page is that a girl got killed by a bus, a guy is a writer, and the bus bit is a dream.

The bus: It's been overdone I think, in movies, in general. It's always at the end of those spoof movies like Scary Movie, Epic Movie, and whatever other shit ones there are out there. When I read that for the first time in the script, it brought down the value straight away.

The writer: Easy to write about, as the writer of the script is... well a writer. Sorta cheating in a way... that sounds harsh doesn't it? It's a bit too easy in my opinion. It's taking "write what you know about" to the next level.

The dream: Cliche. It's not nearly as bad as having a whole epic story, and then the end being "and then I woke up", but it's still a dream, therefore associated with that ("and then I woke up").

What I'm trying to say is that nothing stands out. It's all pretty ordinary. I wouldn't stop reading because I thought the first page was ordinary, but someone who reads scripts all day, everyday for a living, looking for that outstanding one, might not give this the chance it should get.

Gee I babble.... Thoughts?

Quoted from Lakewood In reference to my previous post which is spawned a strange "relevancy" issue about character.  Characters are relevant when the camera sees them and you have to pay the actor to be there.  If you're not a good enough writer to physically place and name a handful of people all at the same time then why bother to write in a medium that lends itself to ensemble casts.  Afraid of confusing the reader?  If you're a good writer you won't.

You’re right.

Quoted from Lakewood I think Mike does a nice job with the single room setting and a pretty big cast.  You meet four people when Gabe walks in the door.  There is a nice moment where he walks in and the waitress waves her hand and then everything is in motion.

I don’t think Mike did the best job he could have setting up the scene. He basically just gave a rundown of the characters and went on from there. Del is there but it’s several pages before he ever really relates to the story in any way.

I think Mike could have included him in small ways prior to where he currently first speaks. He could have interacted with Barb when we first see him. Del could have asked Barb what Gabe’s order was. When Barb told him Gabe just wanted coffee, Del could have reacted with disappointment over his lagging food sales. This would have set up their characters and prepared them for things to come.

I think the way Mike did it is okay - but just okay. It could have been better. It could have been more dynamic.


Breanne

Quoted from Breanne Mattson I don’t think Mike did the best job he could have setting up the scene. He basically just gave a rundown of the characters and went on from there. Del is there but it’s several pages before he ever really relates to the story in any way.

Exactly what I'm talking about.  Listing names isn't the same as actually introducing the character doing something.  If there's an open window to the kitchen, as Lakewood imagined, then show him through the window.  Showing Del crying like a baby, and then later show that he's crying because he's cutting up onions.

A character roll call doesn't do it.


Phil

...or have Del in a 12 minute scene cutting onions and getting that daily special of meatloaf ready. He could also skip and whistle while all this "action" is taking place.  At about teh 6 minute mark, intro Barb as she wacthes coffee brew.  The bubbling coffee would be quite fascinating.

As things do seem to be winding down, and people have talked about the beginning, I thought I'd ask what people thought of the final section and ending. As Mort said in Secret Window, "the only thing that matters is the ending." Was it satisfying enough? Were things left unresolved?

For me, I don't think having Gabe unconcious works. It diminshes his status as the protag even more.

I'm really sorry I haven't gotten into this review...new job and crazy evenings going on in my life...but I'll sure try to jump in soon and provide my feelings about the screenplay.  

I don't want to be swayed by the posts here, so most likely I will give a clean review from my own "pee brain" then I'll see where my thoughts fit in.

~m~

I thought the ending was the worst part. Very, very abrupt to say the least. Some people have touched on Jack stealing the movie from Gabe and how it didn't work for them and I'd have to agree.

The mafia bit was a nice touch, though, I will admit that. Everything did come together well but it still didn't work for me. The main reason being the whole movie is about Gabe trying to overcome writers block, he goes to a coffee shop and less than 12 hours later, he is cured because he met a few strangers.

And I think what may need to happen at the end is that Gabe needs to use his writing in a way that corrects the situation.  He should be directing Jack about what needs to be done based on a story he concocts to save the day.

I actually like that idea - Gabe uses his rejuvinated writing abilities to sort everything out. After all, although in the end he decides his Great American Novel has to be real, he's part of the detective/thriller story he's been trying to write since before the film began! So it might be nice if he puts that period of his struggle to rest by finishing the thriller story.

That would work much better having Gabe more involved in the ending. It was quite unrealistic when Yago showed up with the gun and Gabe just sat there with his pen and paper. I can't remember what he said to Jack but it didn't sound right anyway. If someone was standing outside a shop I was in with a gun, I'd be hiding behind something.

As I said earlier about the ending, Mike did a good job of wrapping everything up, but as others have said, the end came quite abrubptly.  I personally was not satisfied with the end, but it wasn't the weakest part for me.

When I finished reading, I thought to myself about what had just transpired, and I didn't have much to think about, as very little really happened.  I did find it a bit strange how Gabe and Cam walked out of the diner, leaving all his newest and bestest friends behind, and that was that.

What happened?  Well, we were told that Gabe had writer's block, and then we were told that he was cured after spending an entire day in a diner.  So what does that leave us with?  Exactly...nothing.