I agree with Cornetto on this.  Whether or not it's the Jill splat ending or just the Jill and gabe make eye contact ending, I think it would really imporve teh overall feeling we're left with.

The splat ending is over the top funny, and the contact ending is ambiguous, and very open ended.  Each works in their own way.  But each defiinitely works.

So, Jill, who has never appeared anywhere in the reality based part of this script, suddenly appears out of nowhere, only to get hit by a bus?

If I saw that, I'd start wondering if the whole script was a dream.

I also think a Jill ending of some kind would work. But that's been said many times, just thought I should say my opinion.

Quoted from Shelton Franklin could scream for help, sure, but that's one of those things where if you do it, you've got nothing.  Your story is over.  I think there are a lot of instances where someone could say that.  Bond villians for instance.

I totally agree with you.  Adjusting reality is fine if it makes the story better.  Only certain stories need to adhere to complete realism, and I'm not sure this one is one of them.  I consider Bond films to be totally unrealistic, though.  It's one thing for everything in a story to be possible, but likelihood needs to be considered as well.

I guess I'm confused why you're willing to tweak the reality of certain situations, but are putting your foot down at the ending.  If you simply don't think it's funny, then I would understand.

I agree with mcornetto about that ending being good for the script (I'd stop short of perfect, though), and that it's unlikelihood is balanced by the unlikelihood of earlier events in the script.  In fact, I'm starting to realize that if I wait long enough, mcornetto will state my opinion for me.  

Also, as someone from the Midwest, I feel the need to state that Pittsburgh is NOT in the Midwest.  

How is Pittsburgh not in the midwest?  What do you consider to be the midwest?

I grew up in the midwest, and Pittsburgh was 1 state away.

Ok. I could see how the splat could make someone think it's a dream.  How about this?  

They are all in the coffee shop at the end.  Across the street Jill watches Gabe through the window.  She takes a deep breath and begins crossing the street.  In the middle of the street she stops.  She's having an attack of cold feet.  One more glance in the window at Gabe and she shakes her head.  She turns around takes a few steps and a truck speeds by. After the truck goes by, Jill is gone.

Quoted from escapist I totally agree with you.  Adjusting reality is fine if it makes the story better.  Only certain stories need to adhere to complete realism, and I'm not sure this one is one of them.  I consider Bond films to be totally unrealistic, though.  It's one thing for everything in a story to be possible, but likelihood needs to be considered as well.

I didn't adhere to realism when I wrote it.  I just think it turned out that way.  There are things that are definitely not, as you said before, hyper-realistic, but I'm not dealing with a talking lion or anything here either.

Quoted from escapist I guess I'm confused why you're willing to tweak the reality of certain situations, but are putting your foot down at the ending.  If you simply don't think it's funny, then I would understand.

It just doesn't make sense to me.  She never appears in the reality part of the script, and then would, even though she's really not anywhere near Gabe.  To me, that's not tweaking just the ending, it's adding in more stuff somewhere else to make it more feasible as to why she would even be there.

Quoted from escapist Also, as someone from the Midwest, I feel the need to state that Pittsburgh is NOT in the Midwest.

I agree.  I live in Chicago.

Quoted from Dreamscale How is Pittsburgh not in the midwest?  What do you consider to be the midwest? I grew up in the midwest, and Pittsburgh was 1 state away.

Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin, Iowa, Ohio, Minnesota.  In my opinion

Quoted from mcornetto Ok. I could see how the splat could make someone think it's a dream.  How about this?   They are all in the coffee shop at the end.  Across the street Jill watches Gabe through the window.  She takes a deep breath and begins crossing the street.  In the middle of the street she stops.  She's having an attack of cold feet.  One more glance in the window at Gabe and she shakes her head.  She turns around takes a few steps and a truck speeds by. After the truck goes by, Jill is gone.

I'm double posting, but you've convinced me.  I'll make that change.

Quoted from Dreamscale How is Pittsburgh not in the midwest?  What do you consider to be the midwest? I grew up in the midwest, and Pittsburgh was 1 state away.

Pennsylvania is practically northeast.


Phil

I grew up in Ohio. I consider PA to be the midwest as well.  From Cleveland, PA is less than 2 hours away.  I'm surprised you guys don't agree.  Pittsburgh is steel town, how much more midwest can you get? C'mon now!

Quoted from mcornetto They are all in the coffee shop at the end.  Across the street Jill watches Gabe through the window.  She takes a deep breath and begins crossing the street.  In the middle of the street she stops.  She's having an attack of cold feet.  One more glance in the window at Gabe and she shakes her head.  She turns around takes a few steps and a truck speeds by. After the truck goes by, Jill is gone.

Okay, for me this goes to the work of dragging Jill into the scene, but doesn't have the joke to justify it.

How about this?

Gabe's new novel sits on display in a bookstore.  A hand reaches out and picks it up, turns it over to read the back.  It's Jill.  She smiles.

Optionally adding:

Jill exits the store, having purchased the book.  She flips through the first few pages, sees her name.  She steps into the crosswalk without looking.  A car honks and swerves, barely missing her.  She jumps back onto the curb, flustered.

The Midwest technically consists of: Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota, and Wisconsin.  Personally, I don't really think of Ohio and Michigan as being part of the Midwest.  I think of them as being primarily industrial rather than agricultural.

Anything west of New Jersey and east of California is the midwest.

And your idea for an ending isn't bad either.  

Quoted from Dreamscale Pittsburgh is steel town, how much more midwest can you get? C'mon now!

Corn fields, soy beans, hogs, cattle, being closer to the Mississippi than you are to the Atlantic?  

This is what I love about Script Club.  Some random dialogue exchange (not saying that Pittsburgh is in the Midwest) has generated close to a dozen comments.

Rock on.

Let's make it a Baker's Dozen comments then.  Officially, PA is not in the Midwest. I stand corrected.  There are 12 states that make up the Midwest, Ohio, being the furthest east.

But growing up in Ohio, we often travelled to PA, and it is very much the Midwest to us...or me..but then, again, what does that mean?  Nothing.

You guys are correct.  Sorry.