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You guys didn't get the ending? She got into an argument with her dad cause she's a vegan and he's a meat guy. So she goes out and "hunts" her own food and obviously the dad is a little upset, you know, little girl running off with a gun and firing around. But it turns out she was just shooting fruits and stuff AKA "hunting" her food. It's kinda like a pun. And of course they make up in the end.
It was cute I guess. Clever take on the theme. Short and sweet.
That said I don't think it's anywhere near enough to be remembered among the batch of scripts, but what can I say? Nice take on the theme and good job.
Same writer as the last one I read, judging by the identical layout and style.
Again, another joke that was written in a short space of time. There's not really very much to say to stuff like this. It's a skit, but not a good one, so it just makes a bit of a mockery of the theme under the guise of 'having some fun'.
It's a very good concept. Could be more clearer, I think, but I understood it (on the second read).
I think you could show him tell her "you're not a daughter of mine if you can't shoot your own food." Why to hear her telling him what he has told her... Let him say it and let us hear him say it...
I think it could be really beautiful with a small rewrite. I think your story would work so much better if you got rid of all "you said" "I said" and made it more clearer. But it IS a good story, I really liked it.
I understood the story here no problem, but I could also see the twist coming right from the beginning. Not a lot here to comment on really, a fair effort.
This wasn't too bad. Pretty much hits the challenge but I think it needed a bit more of a story. Maybe if you showed the argument that led her to go out and 'hunt' her food?
While I thought this was a good script, a rewrite would do wonders to improve it. I thought that Jed was a little too understand to what his daughter was doing. A 'meat and potatoes' guy like him would probably slap her for wasting ammo and scaring the animals (and himself). I also think that Millie's too old for her actions; I can imagine a ten year doing what she was doing, but not a fifteen year old.
Kudos on a creative approach to the assignment but the story was a one trick pony. For a drama boost, showing the argument between Milly and Jed or the ridicule she felt, rather than telling us in dialogue would have helped this one a lot.
I don't think this script had much of a debate about diet choices -- and the idea that one needs to shoot food is kind of silly, farm animals would be just as likely killed with axes and knives.
A short and nice script. Maybe a bit too short to have the impact you wanted to achieve.
I can see the ending when Jed said, "This ain't hunting, Milly." So you might want to hide the hints even more.
Not much of a story, more like a scene or a particular incident. And there's no argument between veggie/carnivore philosophies. The father is too nice here. If he tries harder to convert Millie, that might be more interesting and add conflict.
I enjoyed it, but not sure if it's gonna be remembered.
FEATURE:
Memwipe - Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
Yeah, short and sweet. I still think you could've build up some more tension about what she was shooting (maybe trying to make us think it could be people).
"I'm just a meat and potatoes guy.". I think we get it from the visuals, it would get sweeter if you didn't say this and let the audience wonder about it.
Not much here, really. Dogglebe made a good point, a re-write woud do wonders, but what would be even better is to expand this. You have four, well three pages minus the title. You could have added four or five pages and made something out of this.
Guess what I'm saying is... you chose quantity over quality... if you know what I mean.
Poor Milly. It looks like she needs to take Midol from now on.l
And before the feminists take issue with that, my grandma started shooting up the farm after an argument with grandpa back in the fifties. Grandma admitted that it was during her time of the month.
Anonymous, you made my day with this one. Thanks for bringing back a wild memory of my grandma.
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OWC - Farm Girl
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