Hey, Jeff.  Always nice to find one that escaped pretty much unscathed.

Quoted from Dreamscale I've never read "old" Bert...you tend to over describe pretty much everything, in terms of details that nobody needs to know..I was a little surprised how passive this is in many parts.

I suspect we'll never see eye-to-eye on that first part -- but that second part is certainly something I am working to overcome, and many of my early works do suffer from it.

Quoted from JC Cleveland INT. A POLICEMAN AT HIS DESK.  HUH?

Are you kidding me?  I really wrote that?  Haha...man, it has been a few years since I looked this one over for sure if that is still in there.  I need to go see that for myself.

Quoted from JC Cleveland It's got a great Tales from the Crypt-like vibe and I can see it working well with a few other similar stories, linked together as an hour long anthology or the like.

Yep, that is exactly what it is supposed to be, so good to know you see it that way.  And you are right that some of the old stuff has been bobbing up lately, which is cool, and this one does it more than most of my others, I think.

Thanks for the time and thoughts, Jeff.  Glad to hear that it worked.

You're probably right, about our differing views on over describing, or just details that don't pertain to the story, in general.

Don't get me wrong, it's obviously a personal decision we all make, but in this script, I definitely noticed alot that didn't need to be there, and probably shouldn't be there, but hey, we're talking about 6 years ago or so, right?

One thing I didn't bring up, that I wanted to, has to do with a typo on Page 8, that really threw me off until I just reread it now and figured out that it was indeed a typo.  In the workshed, you used the word "truck" instead of "trunk" and I had no clue how or why the truck got into the shed.

Isn't it amazing how things slip by after so many reads and feedback?  Amazing.

Good story here!  I like it.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...  I love your writing style, Bert.  Always invokes a horrish charm that I've only came across in old Stephen King short stories.  (I like his new short stories, too, but they're different.  They just don't have that same charm to me for some reason.)

Anyhow, I came across the poster for 'Salvage' on the Post Your Movies Poster thread and don't remember reading it, so I gave it a look.

Out of 600-something comments I've posted here on SS, I mention in at least 300 of them of not being a fan of supernatural happenings in stories anymore.

That is, unless it's handled well.  And you've always handled it well in every story I've read of yours, and this one's no different.

This was a really great idea for a story, and, though gruesome (you know I'll never complain about that), it wasn't over the top or coming out of nowhere.

My favorite part of the whole story was the man in black describing the automobile as a meat grinder during the accident.  Not only was it a scary metaphor that put an explicit image in my head, it's also very true.  (That just might be my favorite metaphor ever.)

What the heck was with Kimber, though?  I don't think he was very necessary in the script.  Plus when the man in black ran him over, it took away some of the power and shock of the MIB going after Donnie.  If you lose Kimber altogether, it'll make for a perfect story I think, plus, it'll get rid of that creepy 'INT - POLICEMAN AT A DESK' slug.  I have no problem how people write their slugs, but I did laugh when I came across that one.

But another great story from one of my favorite writers.  I'd love to read some prose from you someday if you have any.  And, I think I said it before, I hope you get back to writing, and sooner rather than later.  But I understand how life is.  Sometimes there just isn't enough time.

See you around, Bert.

- Mark

Bert, you have a superb style of writing and a great sense of imagery for the settings, characters and such.  The Rolling Stones hat on the driver is a great example of that.  The simplicity of your dialogue is another key to why this story works so well.  Not wooden, not professorial.  Its goldilocks, just right.  

I thought the story itself was about a 7 out of 10, and I agree with DS that this was ideal for Tales from the Crypt.  Spooky, gory, with a nice touch of supernatural.  

Well done sir.  

I'm glad this one was salvaged from the 2005 bin and thrown back on top of the pile.  I liked the atmosphere you created with creepy Donny and his junk yard.  Very King-ish, as several people mentioned.  It evoked shades of Christine.  The tow truck and driver sort of reminded me of Spielberg's old "Duel."

I loved the gory descriptions:  "Wet shards of flesh dangle from the wound.  The pulpy meat inside his skull throbs and writhes."

Now that paints a picture, alright.

When the tow truck first appeared, I thought for sure it was going to be "Grim Reaper" wrecker services, but nice job making it about the actual occupants of the car.  The bastards just want a piece of Donny.  Honestly, I thought you were going to take this angle even further.  When you initially describe the junkyard, you mention how many of the wrecks have impacts on the windshields where heads struck them.  If you think about it, many of those cars were the places of death for many souls.  I suppose this is the idea I thought you were going to "flesh out."  All the ghosts of all those crashes somehow rise from their rusty graves.

As someone else mentioned, I'm not sure if Kimber is even necessary to the story.  He seems to be "cannon fodder", existing simply to be killed.

But good job on this one.  I can see it being filmed by a creative director.  

Bert,

Thank Mark for digging up your oldie here. He did the same with one of mine. I remember you mentioning this one once. Since its up, I gave it a read.

I love the set up of this. Mysterious guy dumps of a mangled car full of dead bodies. I gues I would've liked a bit more motivation for this family to come back. I wanted to hate Donnie so I could thoroughly enjoy his demise.

In your script he's just a foul mouthed guy who watches porn on his PC. Heh, that's me! I like me. I wished Donnie had knowingly sold them a bad part which lead to their crash.

Also, The father killing the innocent cop seemed a bit much. I want to cheer for them to get their revenge.

On the plus side, Great visuals as always. That scene with the mangled dog trying to chew its way through the upholstery could make people cringe in their seats.

One notable mistake.. I believe you describe the sound of the trucks engine running at idle and then you have him start it before he drives off.

Good dialogue throughout. Glad it popped up and I read it.

James

Oh, gosh.  An ancient one haha.  Thanks guys.

I am always amused by your comments, Mark, and appreciate the sentiments.  I have often thought about tackling a prose piece, but am not sure I possess the patience for it.

Quoted from Mark What the heck was with Kimber, though?  I don't think he was very necessary in the script.

What?  But, his role is crucial to the piece!  I mean, just look at what Ryan had to say...

Quoted from Ryan I'm not sure if Kimber is even necessary to the story.  He seems to be "cannon fodder", existing simply to be killed.

Hmm.  OK.  Bad example.  Never mind.  At the time it seemed to me that an upstanding guy like Donnie would call the cops -- but honestly, yeah, Kimber is really just there to get squished.

And to supply one of the stupidest sluglines I have ever written, of course.  I need to think about both of those.

Moving on, then.

Quoted from TheSecond The simplicity of your dialogue is another key plus to why this story works so well.  Not wooden, not professorial.  Its goldilocks, just right.

Thanks for that, for sure.  I really struggle with dialogue.  Some folks around here have a real gift for it, but I wrestle with it nearly every time. Nice that it worked for someone.

Quoted from Jwent ...just a foul mouthed guy who watches porn on his PC. Heh, that's me!

No response for that.  I just like it haha.  I will check out the error with the truck, James.  Sounds like a nice catch there.

Quoted from Ryan When you initially describe the junkyard...if you think about it, many of those cars were the places of death for many souls...I suppose this is the idea I thought you were going to "flesh out."  All the ghosts of all those crashes somehow rise from their rusty graves.

Your instincts are good, and this is exactly where I started.  The idea came to me in a junkyard.  I had found a photo album in the trunk of a car, unclaimed -- and from the looks of the car, pretty obvious the photos never would be claimed.  I was looking at an album of dead people.  While "Salvage" is the story that actually evolved, there could be numerous spins on the same general idea, for sure.

TheSecond up there kind of nailed the tone I was going for, with a Tales from the Crypt kind of thing, but I will always take the compliment when somebody mentions King in the same breath as my work.  I hardly think I'm worthy, but it certainly feels good -- and if I have a goal for someday, it would probably be to come within a mile of that guy.

Thanks again, you guys, for all the comments and thoughts to consider.  A nice surprise to find these, for sure.

If you would of inserted AC/DC's 'Back Seat Rhythm' somewhere in the script then I would of also tipped my hat to the Stephen Kingness of the script...    

Quoted from TheSecond If you would of inserted AC/DC's 'Back Seat Rhythm' somewhere in the script then I would of also tipped my hat to the Stephen Kingness of the script...

Hahaha....nice choice.

My personal soundtrack for this one, since we're talking music, actually draws on "No Quarter" from Led Zep.

It just seems like a really good song by which one might get chased through a junkyard by a demonic truck driver.

But everybody knows you don't dare mention songs in your spec....

Quoted from bert But everybody knows you don't dare mention songs in your spec....

Well...  

Both are great song choices, BTW!

NO Quarter!!  Perfect!  

That's a spooky ass song.

Lock the doors, kill the light, no one's coming...   home tonight!  

Perfect!  Let me know when Robert Plant gives you the green light on that.  

I loved this! Great job! The only part I had to reread was the part with the dog...just confused me a bit. Loved the setting...Loved the end...Loved the Karma!

Thank you, pale yellow (and what is the significance of that?), for taking the time to check this out and for sharing your thoughts.  Particularly as a new face on the boards, it is great to see you getting involved.

I will re-examine the section with the dog for clarity, as I am pretty sure I know exactly which segment you are referring to.

I would have responded sooner, but I had promised several reads on OWC entries, and figured if I did not allow myself to respond until my reading commitments were complete it would help to inspire me.

You have a OWC submission as well, do you not?  I will be sure to give it a look once the names are revealed -- or feel free to shoot me a PM sooner if you would like.  Thanks again.

Still one of my favorite shorts (leaving the SO's scripts aside, of course.)...  Well, this and Someplace Dark...