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Click Click (currently 6683 views) |
michel |
Posted: March 14th, 2007, 7:42am |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Great story Alffy, just like I love them. Formatting is perfect. I would have ended on Andy starting to run and Colin's horrified face... But I still like it. Try to keep an eye on my upcoming short "Wild Life" about lion too. Keep on this way Anthony Michel |
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Reply: 15 - 57 |
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alffy |
Posted: March 14th, 2007, 12:17pm |
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Old Timer
LocationThe bleak North East, England Posts2187 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
Hey Michel,
Thanks for the read.
I'll keep an eye out for your short and give it a read and review. |
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Reply: 16 - 57 |
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Zack |
Posted: May 27th, 2007, 11:07am |
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January Project Group
LocationErlanger, KY Posts4487 Posts Per Day 0.69 |
I liked this too alffy! It's simple and straight forward, but it's supposed to be. I will say that I saw the punchline coming, but that doesn't mean that I enjoyed it any less. Good job, keep it up!
8 out of 10
Zack |
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Reply: 17 - 57 |
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spencerforhire |
Posted: May 27th, 2007, 11:41am |
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New Write NOW! Perfect LATER!
LocationSnohomish, WA Posts206 Posts Per Day 0.03 |
Hi Alffy.
In my opinion your script was good. The descriptions did seem long to me. I say that only because, it is usually the directors job to dress the characters. And I understand you wanted us to know who they were. I would say try to do that through dialogue. Dialogue reveals everything.
In the beginning you set up the lions and did not capitalize lion. I think you should clue us in to needing a lion or two for the script. Also, found a few typos near the end. Those were not too distracting for me.
Overall. Good job!
Spencer |
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Reply: 18 - 57 |
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alffy |
Posted: May 27th, 2007, 11:45am |
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Old Timer
LocationThe bleak North East, England Posts2187 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
Zack and spencer,
Thanks for reading over this. The LION must have slipped through my proof but thanks for pointing it out Spencer. I've been told before that I sometimes over write my descriptions, I guess I just carried away.
Zack, 8 out of 10 hey thats not bad thanks. |
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Reply: 19 - 57 |
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Zack |
Posted: May 27th, 2007, 11:48am |
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January Project Group
LocationErlanger, KY Posts4487 Posts Per Day 0.69 |
8 out of 10 is actually very good in my review system! I like your shorts, I think I'll read some more... |
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Reply: 20 - 57 |
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alffy |
Posted: May 27th, 2007, 11:54am |
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Old Timer
LocationThe bleak North East, England Posts2187 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
Cheers Zack I'll look over some of yours, any preference? |
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Reply: 21 - 57 |
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Zack |
Posted: May 27th, 2007, 12:02pm |
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January Project Group
LocationErlanger, KY Posts4487 Posts Per Day 0.69 |
You can take a look at some of the ones in my signiture if you want. The Plan is probrably my best. |
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Reply: 22 - 57 |
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alffy |
Posted: May 27th, 2007, 12:10pm |
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Old Timer
LocationThe bleak North East, England Posts2187 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
Pretty sure i've read and reviewed The Plan already so i'll give Dirty Business a read. |
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Reply: 23 - 57 |
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tomson |
Posted: May 28th, 2007, 11:22am |
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Guest User
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Hey Alffy, I don't think I've read anything of yours before. I had a few minutes between all the cooking here so I thought I'd give this a look. I noticed from the other comments that this was a joke in script format so I won't bother with the story. Not much to it, but as a joke it works. I for one had never heard this one either. Your writing itself was fine, so good job on that. Don't know what else to say about it. I'll try to read something else of yours. Hopefully something you came up with yourself. |
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Reply: 24 - 57 |
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alffy |
Posted: May 28th, 2007, 11:56am |
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Old Timer
LocationThe bleak North East, England Posts2187 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
Cheers Pia,
erm 'The Big Stiff' is my most recent script but i'll leave up to you which one you fancy. |
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Reply: 25 - 57 |
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yorkshireladdy |
Posted: June 3rd, 2007, 3:15am |
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New
Posts12 Posts Per Day 0.00 |
HAha-- that was a good one, alffy. (British humor I actually get). Nice description and formatting, as ppl have alredy mentioned I think. I've never heard this one before either. I think having some boring title to mislead ppl. somewhat would have worked better maybe. Other than that, nice work! |
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Reply: 26 - 57 |
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alffy |
Posted: June 3rd, 2007, 8:21am |
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Old Timer
LocationThe bleak North East, England Posts2187 Posts Per Day 0.34 |
Hey thanks for the read glad you liked it. I struggled with a title and agree its not the best but hey, never mind. |
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Reply: 27 - 57 |
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mcornetto |
Posted: September 21st, 2007, 9:30pm |
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Guest User
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Ah. I found something of yours that I haven't read and it even gave me a chuckle. Nice retelling of an old, but obviously not tired, joke. Well done. |
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Reply: 28 - 57 |
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tonkatough |
Posted: September 21st, 2007, 10:09pm |
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Been Around
LocationAustralia Posts581 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
Ha ha! Great punch line. From half way reading page one I knew the two Photographers where going to get attacked. But then you threw in unexpected detail involving the bloke put on running shoes.
That's the best kind of humor where you lead the viewer in one direction than throw in a suprise.
Very well written. good stuff |
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Reply: 29 - 57 |
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