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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Sometimes Monday Never Comes (was How To Quit D..) Moderators: bert
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  Author    Sometimes Monday Never Comes (was How To Quit D..)  (currently 6481 views)
jwent6688
Posted: October 4th, 2011, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from wonkavite
*SPOILERS*

James, dude, you killed off a German Shepherd!  Never do that to me in a script!!  )))

Okay, Lady's demise aside (you brute) - enjoyed the script, though I do feel it could be sharpened/tweaked a bit.  

IMHO:

Add a bit more pathos to make us care about what happens to Chad

And I'd personally pare down the interview at the end, and intersperse it more thoroughly with discovery of Chad's body.   That keeps the interest and tension going best.

Oh - and did enjoy the "I'll stop smoking on Monday, too" line.  Nice misdirection...



Thanks for the read, Janet. This ones so old to me I forget about it often. Sorry about the dog, I wanted to show how Chad was a drunk, but still loved his pooch. Makes his demise a bit harder to swallow. It was a dark one written in a dark time.

The ending is a bit of a drag. I've re-written this once and don't plan on touching it again lest for some reason it gets interest. But, I would love a better delivery system then just a TV interview. I just couldn't think of one. Thanks again...

James


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