@BLB

I mean formal three act. Which means Act I is the setup and includes both the inciting incident and plot point #1.   Though thinking about it if you use formal it should be structured so Act I and Act III are both a quarter of the film.  I guess 30 pages is about a quarter of the film so that may be about right.  

I consider the first act ended when they find the ship.  I thought maybe it ended when they first mentioned the mission (which was the earlier page mention) but I changed my mind.

WOW.

What a coincidence. I was reading scripts by Michael Brandt & Derek Haas - The Courier and Wanted. I came to know about Michael Brandt directing duty, that is Countdown. I started searching for the script... but never thought i had it under my nose hehe.

Thanks for the script first, and let's run with the discussions.

Okay, finished…

Wow.

Damn you Pia, why did you choose this script? There are so few things to bitch about!

My main grip would be with the third act, but first things first, Michael already commented on the first act, so let’s go there.

Spoilers below.

You could say the first act ends at the end of page 32 after they notice whose ship they’re looking at. You could even say the act break is a little bit further…

The first act ends once the main conflict and the protagonist goal is introduced.

The conflict here is finding out the dead bodies of their future selves. The dramatic goal is to change their fate.

So I would say the act break happens after they know their terrible fate (i.e. after they find their own bodies). The second act kicks in once the protagonist is actively pursuing his goal.

A thirty something first act is a long first act; I agree with Michael here. But, IMHO, it’s not long enough to say there’s a structure problem.

Sci-fi and fantasy stories usually require longer first acts to establish the setting. Something you don’t need to do if your story takes place right here and now.

I personally think the first act was pretty tight and well written. Pages breezed by (at least for me). Did anyone feel like it dragged? Any boring scenes?

If I was the writer and you put a gun to my head and say “cut something”, I think I would cut the scene where they do physical training, since there’s no conflict there and doesn’t seem to help the story move forward. Loved the scene though (specially the cool training devices). It’s interesting how you can get away with a no conflict scene as long as you’ve got some interesting shit happening.

The only thing I would change about the first act would be the scene where the astronauts are introduced. I felt a little overwhelmed by having so many names and descriptions thrown at my face at once.

Won’t be much of a problem on screen since actor faces are easier to remember than names but… I think the script would read a bit better if the introductions were handed in quotas instead of all at once.

Read this last night.  I'm sure I'm going to be standing by myself here, but I thought this was pretty weak in all regards, including the actual writing.  I'll comment on the actual discussion in a bit but I do have some general comments I have to make.

First of all, I'm go to on record and say that this movie is going to be a commercial and critical flop, and if the budget is anywhere near where it most likely needs to be, it will lose a ton of money as well.

For me, this just didn't work at all.  The characters were cardboard cutouts of characters we've seen a thousand times before.  Very little characterization, and almost nothing that made anyone unique, or appealing.

The story, although unique in a few ways, didn't bring much to the table either.  I found it quite dull, even though there were so many attempts at high action and the like.  It just came off as too much being thrown together, in a sort of "Bang, Bang, Bang" way.  The creatures were downright ridiculous and very poorly described (I didn't realize they were using their tongues until near the end).  And when different colored creatures were brought in that did differnt things, it was like a video game from the early 90's...WEAK!

Finally, the writing itself...hmmm.  If I didn't know better, I'd say this came from an inexperienced, amateur screenwriter.  I found many mistakes, in terms of mis spellings, misuse of words, etc.  Also quite a few clunky sentences and the like.  The action scenes weren't done very visually at all, and I just found the writing overall to be subpar.

Sorry to get off track, but I just felt obliged to throw these comments out there.

Z and Dreamscale, glad to see you participating.
NIK, looking forward to read your thoughts.

My own thoughts on the "First Act"...

As mentioned earlier, if this script was written by a regular member here, there would certainly be complaints about the writing style. Wee see, we hear, the camera does this, underlined words and sentences, not to mention all the 'ing words. Having said this though, I can say that I'm totally into this script and because of that I find it to be a fast read. The story had me hooked. I hope that's something we can analyze here and maybe figure out why? Why does this story hold our attention? What is it in this script that keeps us interested. For those of us that the script does work and of course why it did not work for DS for example.

I agree with Z and Michael that the first act may be long, but like Z said, sci-fi's take a little longer to establish the world the story will take place in.

I agree that the excersise scene didn't provide much as far as the story goes, but to me at least, the visuals in a sci-fi like this is part of what makes the film fun to watch so it didn't bother me at all. What bothered me more was that this was supposed to take place about 500 years or so from now and we still have a woman getting pregnant by mistake???  Hello!!! We know how to prevent that from happening now. Mills is supposed to be sooo smart and all that and still this happens?  Sorry, but that one detailed really bugged me.

I also agree with Z that introducing the characters like they did here makes it hard to get a handle on all the characters, but as he mentioned, it would be easier to do on film.

I also found it a little bothersome that they were not strapped into some safe seats when entering the atmosphere. Even if takes place far into the future, physics is still physics. I know they encountered a shockwave, but it seems to me if you enter the atmosphere of a new planet, it might be a good idea to be strapped down to something solid.

Quoted from Grandma Bear The story had me hooked. I hope that's something we can analyze here and maybe figure out why? Why does this story hold our attention? What is it in this script that keeps us interested.

Two reasons: Mystery and conflict.

An amateur writer would have explained everything upfront: the need to find another habitable planet, the objective of these guys’ mission, etc. And this would have been done through a quite boring montage with a news reporter coldly spitting a ton of facts.

But here, you jump right into the middle of their mission, without a clue of who these guys are and what they’re looking for. Furthermore, the script opens with the most WTF moment possible, right when then characters are jumping in space and suffering unbearable pain.

From the first page, the first act raises questions. Why the pain? What’s their mission? That’s what kept me turning pages without even noticing that the first act was going on a bit long.

The sci-fi setting also helped; even watching a guy running a treadmill was interesting to watch here.

Amateur scripts usually spend the first fifteen or twenty pages showing how good the main character’s life is. Many writers think that screwing up the protagonist’s life on page 20 gives them carte-blanche to write 19 pages without conflict.

The writers here, bring conflict to the table right away: something’s wrong with Corvin, not everyone agrees with the captain’s decision, the captain’s relationship with his chick hangs by a thread, their ship almost crashes, the probe doesn’t work forcing them to explore an unknown and dangerous planet, etc.

Mystery and conflict is, IMHO, what keeps you turning pages till the act break. And this act break, what they find, is pretty cool; a clear and enticing premise. This is a text book example of High Concept.

Quoted from Grandma Bear What bothered me more was that this was supposed to take place about 500 years or so from now and we still have a woman getting pregnant by mistake???  Hello!!!

Later in the script, Mills has a conversation with Finn that kind of explains this... I think...

I don't know, Z.  Until the bodies started showing up, I didn't see too much mystery or conflict (yeah, sure I guess the whole shockwave thing would be considered comflict).  The conflict and "mystery"with Corvin was pretty obvious, IMO.  Seemed to be lifted straight off of "The Abyss" with Micheal Biehn's character.  I wasn't surprised in the least when he started acting odd.  As for their mission, again, been there, seen that a hundred times already.  Whether or not it was front loaded that this was the general idea doesn't matter.  I don't remember exactly when it was made clear that this was their mission, but it didn't come as a surprise to me at all, and was far from unique.  And the conflict between Riker and Finn was your standard fare good guy/not so good guy conflict.

I also agree with Pia in that it makes little sense that when entering the alien atmosphhere, no one seemed to be prepared for anything out of the ordinary, as in a rough ride, etc.  Also, I don't remember anything about what anyone was wearing when they were going through the worm hole (or whatever it was exactly), but it seemed to me that everyone was just dressed in normal clothes, other wise, I don't think describing Drake as muscular or thick as a tree trunk would make much sense.

I also don't think the shockwave thing was handled well or played out at all believable.  It wasn't at all visual for me.  Based on what was apparently going on, I think there would be quite a few major injuries, if not actual deaths, but that's just my opinion.

The best part of the opening act for me, was actually the exercise bit, which most don't appreciate, it seems.  I actually think it should have been longer and more detailed, because it was indeed interesting, and "cool" in alot of ways.  I feel that it's these type of scenes that distinguish futuristic, scifi movies, and add some originality over and above the usual low budget dreck.

I didn't feel that Act 1 was overly long at all, actually.  I just didn't think it was at all impressive either.  It was far from a page turner for me, and I continually found myself laughing to myself or shaking my head, because I wasn't buying much of anything I was reading, or seeing in my head.

Quoted from Mr.Z Two reasons: Mystery and conflict.

You are correct as usual.

I would also like to add that there is almost something new or exciting, mysterious, interesting or whatever being added in just about every single action paragraph. There are no dull moments. I think that makes a difference.

DreamScale didn't like some of the descriptions. I do and the way I pictured the planet's colors and such was like that place in Contact. Beautiful, but too beautiful, unreal looking.

Okay i finished reading it.

This was a great story but not a great script. The description was filled with words like F**k, S**t, i mean it looked like a teenager had written it.
Don't get me wrong i enjoyed it, but i think the writing could have been (like they say in the script) F@#%*G BETTER. I wonder what could have been the reaction of the member here on the board if one of us had written it?

Anyway, now i'm curious to read the short story by Richard Matheson, and i will search for the TZ episode on youtube.

Cheers
Nik

Glad someone finally sees the light!  I thought I was the only one who was not impressed by this thing.

As Nik and Breanne pointed out (and I agree 100%) it was very odd how the writer used fuck and shit in his descriptive text, but very little in the actual dialogue.  It comes off as a PG 13 rated movie, without even a hint of sex or nudity, but an R rated script read, based on the meaningless use of swear words for no reason whatsoever.

As I said earlier, and want to re-emphisizet, for me, this came off as a very immature, juvenile, and even amateurish script.  Seemed like it was writen by a teenager who doesn't know what relationships are all about.  Because, basically, there weren't any in here!  Riker and Mills supposedly had this hot and heavy thing going on,  but you sure wouldn't know it based on their actions and words. And really, no one seemed to have any real interactions with anyone throughout the entire script.

Glad Bre also saw the ridiculousness of the red creatures, which again, was just a very immature (and cheap!) way to bring in a new beast, without even bringing in a new beast.  Just so weak!

As I said earlier, this movie is going to be a total flop, and will lose money hand over fist.  To do this right, it's going to cost at least $50 Million.  If they bring in any decent level talent, which they most likely will have to, it's going to cost alot more.  I don't see this even grossing $40 Million, and it could be alot less.

As Bre hinted at, there are so many far better written and more interesting and unique scripts in here.  Too bad Hollywood plays by their own rules.

I thought we were still discussing the first act...

Sorry!  I got carried away.

No no, it's totally okay. This script club thing is a new thing. There are no rules. In the past though we've taken one subject at the time to discuss about a script, but those previous scripts also had their own script threads for regular reviews.

I liked this script and I probably will go see this when it comes out.

I'm glad you/DS and Breanne have your opinions about this script and it would be great if you elaborated on certain elements. If you guys want to move on to plot, or characters, character arcs, emotional decisions, dialogue or whatever that's fine with me.

Quoted from Grandma Bear In the past though we've taken one subject at the time to discuss about a script,…

I’m sorry. I was just giving initial thoughts. I removed the post. What particularly about the first act are we discussing?


Breanne

I'll go back to the first act.  IMO, Act 1 is where we meet our characters for the most part.  This where they need to be established, find a voice, and relationships need to be defined. I don't believe the writer here was at all successful in this regard.  Riker and Mills relationship does not come off as either real or in any way interesting. It seems like hey hardly even know each other the way they communicate.

Many have said that Act 1 feels too long.  I guess it really depends where Act 1 actually ends.  But for me, Act 1 is too short.  I feel like we get to the action of Act 2 too quickly, which takes away from any chance our characters have of being established.  I agree that typical scifi movies need a bit more time to establish "the world" they're portraying, so I'd say that Act 1 needed alot more to it, and if it came off as slow, I think it would help in the long run, because I just can't root for anyone here, as I don't feel like I know anyone here.