Quoted from Murphy It makes no sense. This is not supposed to be a film review thread, why can we not just discuss the produced script we have read instead of trying to find a way to make it better (in our minds - this whole question is subjective remember).

Because that is what we do in the script club.  We discuss and try to improve. The fact that this script is produced does not change the goal of the club.

Well, first of all, I don't think this movie is aimed at 10 year old boys.  It will be a PG13 rating, as far as I can tell.  They could really mess things up and make it R rated, as some of the violence could definitely lend it an R.  The storyline however, is way above 10-13 year olds, IMO.

Back to Alien...I wasn't trying to compare the 2...only in terms of characterization.  I learned a ton about those characters in Alien, and the main thing I learned was that they came off as real people...people that I could actually relate to...people that I cared for, even though all of them weren't necessarily "nice" people.

Bert, you're right, I definitely appreciate buildup and characterization, but it doesn't have to be long in terms of minutes and pages.  It just needs to be something in which we can differentiate the characters.  They need to have some personality, like Bre keeps saying.  Their relationships need to come across as somewhat real and believable.

The interaction between Ryker and Mills doesn't play real at all, for instance.  The exercise scene for me was the best scene in the first 20 pages, because it actually showed us something that we haven't seen before.  It showed some imaghination, and also showed the characters being human beings, not cardboard cutouts of characters we've seen 100's of times before.

Sniper, I hear ya, but that doesn't mean that what worked in the past so splendidly, couldn't, or wourldn't work now.  This is exactly the problem with most movies nowadays.  For some reason, Hollywood thinks they have to be a certain way, and that's just not true.

Quoted from mcornetto Because that is what we do in the script club.  We discuss and try to improve. The fact that this script is produced does not change the goal of the club.

Okay, then I have got it wrong. I honestly thought we were trying to understand what makes this a produced script, what makes it good.  It seems to me we are not trying to improve ourselves but trying to improve this script and that is something I am not qualified to do.

I will let you lot improve this script, I will go and read something else.

Oh dear.... now I'm being misquoted.   I didn't say I thought this was made for teenage boys. Others said so and I just pointed out that I'm not a teenage boy, but I still liked it.

I agree with the character developements, but how much do we really need to know about them when some get snuffed pretty quick? I do agree that Ryker was not effective as the lead. I thought Finn  (I mentioned this long time ago) was the one that changed the most during this film. In other words, I felt he would be a better protagonist.

Relax Gary!  Sounds like you're having a rough day over there.  We can all play nice, can't we?  Differing viewpoints are what this is all about, and I honestly believe that we learn an awful lot from other's opinions, whether or not we agree with them.

Cornetto and Bert both suggested that we throw out some ideas that would improve this script. I started at the very beginning...a very good place to start...

Pia commented awhile back about the fact that the last 80 pages or so are constant action, and I said something to that effect as well.  In this type of movie, if you don't develop your characters in the beginning, you're not going to be able to do it at all. And if you don't have developed characters, why should the audience give 2 shits about them when they die or are about to die?  

DS,

I agree, but I think we only need to know some of them better. Not the ones that get bumped off early on.

Quoted from Dreamscale And if you don't have developed characters, why should the audience give 2 shits about them when they die or are about to die?

Which audience are you talking about? Because I honestly believe that the audience this movie was written for do not really care.

If we are talking about improving this script, re-writing it even then a decision needs to be made for what audience are we re-writing it for? it it for ourselves? If it is for me then yes of course I would want more character development otherwise I would probably walk out the cinema before the end.

So who are we re-writing it for? Because the minute this movie starts appealing to me then it stops appealing to it's original audience and it becomes a different movie altogether and we need to look at cutting the budget down.

You want to know what would make this movie more appealing to me?

Lesbians.

But I think we would limit the commercial potential of the movie there despite the fact i would probably enjoy it more.

I am being serious though, you need to decide who your audience is before you decide what would work better otherwise you are just writing a generic script that is not really aimed at anybody in particular and therefore has limited real commercial appeal.

OK, then some of them should have been fleshed out more early on.  I'm pretty sure that there were at least 4 of them alive until the last 20 pages or so, weren't there?

How soon do they start getting bumped off?  Other than Corvin, I think it was pretty far along before anyone actually bit it...or am I wrong?  I tiink it was at least 30 or more pages in, wasn't it?

How can we get another look at this script?  Where'd it go?  I'd like to review it again, so I can make some comments that are accurate.

Well Gary, if this is indeed intended for 13 year olds and under, I'd say right up front that a big budget like this is most likely going to need, is a BIG mistake in the first place.  There just isn't anything here that I think is going to appeal to a very young audience.

There's no humor at all, that I can recall.  There's very little of the "cool factor".  The story line about the inevitability of future isn't going to be grasped at all.  There's no hint at any sexuality or skin, which young teens do apreciatte for sure.  And finally, and most importantly, there aren't any cool creatures that kids are going to go for.

There's just nothing here that is going to make this movie stand out.  Now, they could sign on some "hot" young talent, in hopes of drawing in a young audience, but other than that, I don't see it.  An if that's inded the case, it has nothing to do with the script at all, and if they're banking on this, I say "good luck!".

There certainly is a lot of chatter.  I'm almost afraid to post anything else but there were a few questions asked.

Mr. Z. asked - "If this script was written on spec by an unknown writer, would it help him to break in?"

Yes. But it wouldn't be produced.  It's too expensive for a first timers spec.  It could get you an agent and it could get you work.  It's solid and clean and it meets all the requirements for a high concept film.

Dreamscale refuses to let go of the fact that this script was an automatic greenlight because it was a Matheson story.  Big deal it's based on a Matheson story.  Studios and production companies own the rights to millions of dollars worth of literary merchandise.  A greenlit script would not be dated 2005.  Greenlight = money is moved into a production account which has to be used within a month.  

This script has been in various stages of development for four or so years.  In 2005 Brandt and Haas wrote a script which has been sitting around for three years.  After Wanted and 3:10, Brandt and Haas are seen as golden.  They make money and because they make money the project is going to attract a better cast.  The script is now in play again with Brandt directing.

I can understand a lot of your frustration about selling a script.  But the thing is you have to be both a good writer and good at making the deal.  That's what makes a screenwriter.  It's understanding the market and what people want in a script.  It's just seems wrongheaded that you keep trying to rewrite this one.  This sold.  It's what people want.  They don't want it changed so why are you trying to change it?

Okay, I do not think this movie is really aimed at 13 year olds. Somebody else said It and I just went along with it and never expected my words to be taken so literally. I have said in an earlier post that I see this movie as being written for the 15-25 year old market, the same group I would Imagine were queuing up to watch the recent Mummy sequel.

Quoted from Verdugo I can understand a lot of your frustration about selling a script.  But the thing is you have to be both a good writer and good at making the deal.  That's what makes a screenwriter.  It's understanding the market and what people want in a script.  It's just seems wrongheaded that you keep trying to rewrite this one.  This sold.  It's what people want.  They don't want it changed so why are you trying to change it?

Well, there you go. Can’t get any plainer than that. So how about shifting the discussion to the points here?

1) Understanding the market
2) Writing the script
3) Making the deal

Thanks Verdugo.

Or do we need a separate thread for this?


Breanne

Thank you Verdugo.  Your input is actually awesome. It's what we need here.

I'll drop my earlier beliefs about this being auto greenlit.

Now I'll say that I bet the script we're looking at is a very old, 1st or 2nd draft that has been radically altered.  I just can't believe that what we're looking at is anywhere near what we're going to see on screen...at least I hope it's not.

So Verdugo, can you give us some insight into the budget here?  What about the demo it's going after?  And finally, are you aware of who is being attached to it in terms of star power.

Thanks again. I don't mean to come off as an A-Hole or anything of the sort.  I just honestly don't see much in the script we read and are discussing.

AnotherWriter...I was obviously joking around.

But the bottom line for me at least, is that the vesion of the script that we read here, is nothing at all special, and in many ways is shockingly weak in many, many aspects.

I don't mean to put anyone down or downplay the talents of any writer, but in a discussion type atmosphere, I'm always going to shoot from the hip and never pull any punches.

I calls 'em as I sees 'em.

Quoted from Verdugo This sold.  It's what people want.  They don't want it changed so why are you trying to change it?

Well, shut our mouths haha.

I am not sure how we attracted your attention, Verdugo, but you are a welcome participant here.

I hope the chatter doesn't scare you off.  There are people listening.

Quoted from AnotherWriter Sorry if I'm a dragging over a dead donkey.

Yeah, kind of.  Dragging out the discussion of how delusional some of us may or may not be regarding our own talents is a bit counterproductive to the topic at hand.

There were a few comments directed towards you -- and your responses were made accordingly -- but I hope that is the final word on that particular avenue of discussion.