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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The August Challenge  ›  August/September Character Discussion Moderators: Scar Tissue Films
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  Author    August/September Character Discussion  (currently 4137 views)
Scar Tissue Films
Posted: August 31st, 2019, 1:43am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC
Maybe have a child (or at least younger than fifteen) narrate it, a smart Greta Thunberg type, then you can have
a clear, unrattled but innocent voice, commentate and make observations on the state of play - adults making not too clued-up decisions etc. Out of the mouths of babes. Oh, and a dog by her side. Oh, and a clutter of feral cats. Cats don't do well when in competition for food and they breed like rabbits. You can also get some good sound effects from them.

At the moment the cast is all adults. Unless a side effect of the fog is most kids perishing...


Yes, we need to know what to do with the kids eventually. For the time being, schools are closed and they are in their houses.

Perhaps the main characters immediate Storyline is trying to organise searches for missing persons. Including a couple of kids who were supposed to be at school. This gets her out and about, exploring the vicinity and reporting back over the dispatch as to what's going on.

At some point, there could be something like they did in the World War, and take the kids off to a supposedly safe place, ran by the military. In later seasons we can find out it wasn't so safe, or find out something much more dramatic as to what's happened to them.

We can pick up an orphaned kid along the way, as well, if we need a child's POV.

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Scar Tissue Films
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Quoted from LC


Hmm, interesting, Frank. I'm just not keen on the shame and worthy of living elements, even if you could argue you're shining a light on those aspects.

So, re the character suffering schizophrenia. I'll just make a couple suggestions... Do your research first. Chlorpromazine is a first generation medication which would bring you to: how old is this guy? Even if he's older, a person receiving regular meds and psychotherapy is likely now not only to be taking 2nd-generation antipsychotics (because they're superior and overdose is less likely fatal) but also be taking an anti-depressant and/or anti-convulsive/epileptic med. Obviously this is fiction so leeway applies lest you bore an audience with technicalities but it's still advisable you know your stuff...

Chlorpromazine is primarily viewed as outdated in first line of treatment these days for schizophrenia and psychotic episodes.  It would also only combat spasms in someone afflicted with tetanus, (diazepam would do the same trick) but you'd still need an antitoxin and antibiotics.

Re storyline, wouldn't it be a breath of fresh air in this climate (still) of stigma related to mental illness  (it's slowly improving) if the character was not just a plot device deserving of being impaled at the end, but if we as writers led the way to counter 'crazy' sterotypes. Your David could conversely be a high functioning individual, very intelligent, have a funny personality (maybe add comic relief with corny jokes) be well liked and be an asset to the survival of the group - maybe even be a leader of sorts. His gradual mental deterioration might then lead to him doubting his sanity as his meds wear off and he becomes less capable of making sound decisions. But even them have him aware of what's happening. He could even die heroically, saving someone else, while battling his own hallucinations. How about that? He could become a much loved character, his demise touching and tragic -

His denouement could be just like Jon Snow preparing for the Battle Of The Bastards - fans shrieking at the TV (or in this case, huddled around the podcast) yelling: No, he can't be gone...!

Okay, off my soapbox now.  
P.S. And no, I have no inclination to write David, btw. Just offering my thoughts, primarily on stereotypes.



I'm with Libby re the character's arc. I think he should be a positive fellow who heroically battles with his condition.

I personally think he should make it all the way to the end of the season.

There are dramatic reasons for this: His POV will be unique as he's not sure what to think at certain times. He's also a necessary counterpoint to the assortment of psychos that will eventually turn up. Our Mental Health Ambassador, if you like.
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Scar Tissue Films
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Quoted from Nomad
We have plenty of characters for the opening scene in the pub, we just need to figure out exactly who needs to be there, why do we need them there, and what are they doing.

They have to establish the world in a very short amount of time.
They have to show the problem in a very short amount of time.
And they have to come up with a plan of action in a very short amount of time.

We can't have the fog slowly get thicker over the course of several episodes.
The fog needs to be something frightening right away. It needs to be so thick you can't see more than 5 feet in front of you.
Then when people find out that the fog is just fog, and not some science/government/alien experiment gone awry, they'll really freak out because it's everywhere and there's no way to get rid of it.

I like the idea of the main character hearing reports on her radio:  Roads shut down, train wrecks, all units are to shelter in place and assist in the immediate area. Stay off the roads until it clears.

Trap these people together for a short while and build the conflict.

Who knows best?
Who is in charge?
What's going on?
What are they going to do?

I'm going to check out the chronology and see exactly where we're going in the story.
We have to be efficient with our characters and not waste time or energy on throwaway characters.
Every one of them needs a job. They need to do something for the story.

-Jordan


Yes. This is where we're going next.

I'll collate the definitive list of characters that start in the pub. We'll continue to pad out those characters, including backstories, and how to give them different, recognisable voices.

And we'll start creating their character arcs and fitting them into the chronological events to build the plot.

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Scar Tissue Films
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Quoted from ChrisBodily
This challenge is a lot to wrap my head around, but it sounds like The Fog or The Mist.

Here are my character ideas:

ASH - an LGBT character

The President - A generic president

A Wolfman Jack-like radio DJ



It is a lot to wrap your head around, for sure. All you really need to know:

The Fog is worldwide (apart from some areas rumoured to be free from it, for now)
There's nothing definitively supernatural about the Fog...but humans being humans they don't know that and lots of rumours start up about it and  people come to believe there are things in the fog.
Because of the sensory deprivation caused by the relentless grey, and alongside other factors, people start  falling into depression, and later are susceptible to auditory and visual hallucinations/seeing things in the fog.
The world rapidly falls apart due to the Fog killing crops worldwide.

There are three main story strands.

1. Main timeline. Where we largely follow one family of four through the events. The main POV character is a female Police Officer. She has a husband who owns a pub. A daughter in the Military. And a younger, rebellious son. The story opens in the husband's pub, which has an assortment of regulars in it, across the social spectrum.
2. COBRA sideline: Government committee that is discussing the event and reacting to it. This provides exposition to the wider effects and also creates Dramatic Tension as the audience knows things that the main characters do not. This is a largely self-contained storyline that exists parallel to the main one.
3. Antagonist sideline. A highly intelligent, anti social guy who gradually becomes the leader of a large group of dangerous individuals after releasing prisoners from their prisons. We'll follow his deteriorating thoughts as he gradually becomes the antagonistic force.

The three story strands collide at the end of the season when the antagonist attacks a Military hydroponic encampment where the Main characters are, while the Cobra committee have started an attempt to burn the fog away using Military means...which goes out of control and burns a  large area....including the area where the above battle is taking place.


Anyway, Nice suggestions.

The President would definitely make an address at some point, and it would be released to the world's Media outlets, so we'd hear it over the TV, while the power is still on.

That is also an outlet for exposition on what the US is doing to try to fix the situation.

We'll also look at fitting Ash in along the way.

We've already got a Radio  guy. The people in the pub are going to be listening to him for local updates. It's a good suggestion.

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OK:

CHARACTERS MAKING THEIR WAY TO THE PUB IN DRAMATIC OPENING:

George Prescott, 26, recently geology graduate, is on a date with Kim Libby, 25, American on a work visa. George is soon heading to Cornwall to work in the re-opening tin mine. His grandfather was a miner, but George will be working in a lab. Accident Victims who appear out of the Fog after a car crash.

MICHELLE HIGSON. Lost child.  Represents  the child's innocent view and completes the age groups. Plot...trying to re-unite her with her parents.

BILL: Blind man with his guide dog.  Represents the blind in the story...unaffected by the fog as he can't see it.

These people meet up outside and are lead by the blind man to the pub.


CHARACTERS PRESENT IN THE PUB.

Husband of Jane, the Main Character: (56)Former Police Officer. Pub landlord. He's older than his wife and not the action man he once was...bought the pub after taking early retirement from the Police at 55.

Starting to worry he's getting too old for his wife. Particularly as she's got a younger, male partner...


Melvin O'Donnell, 54, bus driver, divorced. A regular, someone who knows the city well and knows people along his route. Leaves the pub to try to find his son along with his ex-wife? Represents Working Class man. Socialism. Maybe a little bit racist? Got common sense, but not a lot of education and has no real way of evaluating what's true or not true in terms of the science, psychology, economics etc.


Patricia: Female. Lifestyle guru/Business consultant. Control freak. Haughty. Aggressive.  Extremely Right Wing viewpoints, both socially and financially. Thinks lefties are all communists and layabouts. Slowly goes insane. Represents the Right wing  politically, and the Economy in General.

Clive: Psychologist/Hardcore Drunk. Very adamant that the effects of the fog are all Psycholgical. But is having doubts about his own state of mind. Lost his wife tragically some years before. He's one of the people that becomes affected by the fog. Starts to imagine that his wife is in the fog after hearing similar reports from people on the radio. Goes off to look for her?  Represents the psychological effect of the fog and the rational explanation of psychological phenomenon.


Elderly Couple. Peter: Old man on insulin for Diabetes. The kind of  couple that were childhood sweethearts and are still madly in love even though they're in their late 70's/early 80's.
Marjorie: Asthma sufferer. The effects of  the Fog are very hard on her body.  Represent the elderly and people who need medicine to keep them alive.

(Marjorie will die during the invasion from Manchester City Centre, Peter will not wish to go on without her, but he may make a surprising, heartfelt return).

Daughter: Abigail (Abs for short due to her physique?) (19)Royal Armoured Corps. Always been very sporty and athletic. Loud, outspoken, confident. She's working behind the bar to assist her Father while on leave from the Army. She will get called up by the Military and sent to protect a Hydroponic community that the Government/Military are installing. Her family will later join her.  Represents Military POV.



LATER ARRIVALS FROM THE FOG

Son: Michael(15): Rebellious. Attracted to some of the more extreme ideas. Long term, Leans toward the teachings of antagonist.
Perhaps one of his best friends is the brother of local gang leader, Freddie. So he's attracted to that crowd.  Represents impressionability of young, conflict with authority. The changing times...the future will be different than the imagined one and he'll have to decide for himself the best way to face it.

Starts the series lost in the fog after being truant from school. His Mother has to try to find him?

David: Someone unusually susceptible to the psychological effects of the fog. The schizophrenic character Frank worked on.  Represents the Mental Health issues people will face as medicines run dry. Perception, and the way humans see things and how that can be altered and how reality is only a kind of mass, shared hallucination.

Priest. A hard drinking, chain smoking, but deeply spiritual man. Possibly going  to attempt to lead his congregation to a place above the fog to start a community at some point. Represents the Theological/Spiritual side.

Teacher. Barbara Pierce, 50. Knows Freddie and his friends from school. Suspended Freddie. They despise each other., Melvin's ex-wife, comes looking for him when she can't get a hold of their 20 year old son Rupert soon after the fog hits.  Represents the Scientific side. Explanations.

Freddie, 22: Local gang leader, piece of shit, drug addict, thief, hooligan, probably killed someone but he won't say for sure.

Freddie's friends.  Represent the criminal/amoral element of society. The underbelly ready to cause chaos.

(These characters start to cause trouble locally, and become increasingly Feral as the story progresses. In some ways their chaotic nature and amorality give them an advantage over others as society breaks down).


The Antagonist. Socially reclusive, highly intelligent. He's  just stopped by to get a quick meal. He's alone in a secluded corner, working on his laptop. He leaves quite quickly. Doesn't like the people there. Needs a job that he does himself and requires him/allows him to record his thoughts on phone/Dictaphone.  Represents Logic/Reason taken to inhuman extremes. Force of antagonism, the changing of all things in a Material sense.


Jane: Main Character. Police Officer: Arrives with her Partner to deal with an altercation involving Freddie and his friends.  Represents Control vs Chaos. How to stop humanity falling into chaos.

Jane's Partner.  Younger, good looking Partner. Husband is a little bit  insecure about him.


PEOPLE ACCESSED THROUGH THE PUB

News Reporters on TV and other announcements (including World Events, and lead in to COBRA storyline).

Local Radio guy through radio from upstairs or from people's phones.

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Scar Tissue Films  -  September 1st, 2019, 6:27am
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LC
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Looks pretty good, Rick.

For big cast apocalyptic type events on film I looked at the cast numbers of the first season of The Walking Dead:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Walking_Dead_(season_1)

Obviously that cast grew as the story lines evolved, not counting those who were picked off regularly.  

Your cast list so far is on track if you were to consider the above as a successful and manageable template.

Anyway... Forgive me when I say (as you might have guessed) I'm one-hundred percent opinionated but not quite one-hundred percent commited yet to joining the throng on this project.

So, question:

In the spirit of me being opinionated,   are you committed to this opening, below?
** The story opens in the husband's pub, which has an assortment of regulars in it, across the social spectrum.

Wouldn't it be more highly dramatic to open a narrative about The Fog with characters actually lost or in strife in the fog?

Perhaps open with various audio scenes of characters in different situations when this calamity hits? Then the next scene is a rabble of excitable voices (the pub) where they've all found their way? You then naturally establish a hierarchy of characters - the natural leaders, those who are calming influencers, planners in a crisis etc., And
likewise those who aren't good in a crisis, freak out, etc.

Examples of active fog scenarios:

I had originally thought of a 'little girl lost' on her way home from school (the fog came in suddenly like a tidal wave catching everyone unawares) - she's a brave little girl but suddenly marooned, whimpering. She's crying softly after walking around in circles. A voice echoes through the fog, the voice of a blind man accompanied by his guide dog. He (and the dog) know this route like the back of their hands - to the pub, of course, where daily he enjoys a pint with his mates. The two (or three, if you count the dog) will take safe haven with everyone else.

Alternatively, or in addition, Rene's characters:

Accident Victims who appear out of the Fog after a car crash. George Prescott, 26, (recently geology graduate), is on a date with Kim Libby, 25,
A car accident could be a similarly emotive opening scene, highly charged with terrific and easily identifiable sound/audio effects.

Perhaps other scenes of 'where were you when it happened?' could be interweaved later, if you think it's too much at the top.

I just think you need to grab an audience at the outset with audio action, suspense - right in the thick of it.

...

Just mho.  





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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: August 31st, 2019, 5:22am Report to Moderator
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OK. We're in a really good place. It's all coming together nicely.


Libby has suggested an interesting opening angle.

Start outside as the Fog hits. Characters in trouble make their way to the Pub.

From their we go into Jordan's suggestion: Jane, our main POV, is called to the Pub to deal with an altercation involving Freddie, a local trouble maker.


From this point we can build the story the story out.

The Fog rolls in quickly. Jane and her partner are called to deal with the developing situation...primarily Emergency Road Traffic duties, I imagine.

The next thing to deal with from her POV would probably be Missing Persons, lost in the Fog.,,but there is the opportunity here for anything dramatic.

There needs to be a discussion about how the local Police/Council deal with the matter in the short term which impacts the storyline of Jane. The orders she receives etc

Perhaps they start setting up lights etc to lead people home and to mark known landmarks. Perhaps the Police might even set up Radio systems telling people where they are. (also makes it easy to tell which location we are in when we cut).

Numbers in the Pub can be thinned  by having people leave to go to their homes. Others are invited to stay in the spare rooms upstairs. The pub has big freezers, with a lot of food reserves (to feed customers).

The main story event to build to is the Episode 5 Mid Season event. This is where the starving masses invade the town.

This will be a major "Clear the Decks" event.

The Pub will burn down.
The Town will be destroyed. Any characters we don't want can be killed off.
Others who survive will go their separate directions based on their choices (leaving story strands open to return to in later seasons/episodes).
Others will stay in the wreckage of their homes.

This allows us to re-focus the story onto our main group as they go off to the Hospital, then head towards a Military compound to find their Daughter.

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Scar Tissue Films
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Quoted from LC
Looks pretty good, Rick.

For big cast apocalyptic type events on film I looked at the cast numbers of the first season of The Walking Dead:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Walking_Dead_(season_1)

Obviously that cast grew as the story lines evolved, not counting those who were picked off regularly.  

Your cast list so far is on track if you were to consider the above as a successful and manageable template.

Anyway... Forgive me when I say (as you might have guessed) I'm one-hundred percent opinionated but not quite one-hundred percent commited yet to joining the throng on this project.

So, question:

In the spirit of me being opinionated,   are you committed to this opening, below?
** The story opens in the husband's pub, which has an assortment of regulars in it, across the social spectrum.

Wouldn't it be more highly dramatic to open a narrative about The Fog with characters actually lost or in strife in the fog?

Perhaps open with various audio scenes of characters in different situations when this calamity hits? Then the next scene is a rabble of excitable voices (the pub) where they've all found their way? You then naturally establish a hierarchy of characters - the natural leaders, those who are calming influencers, planners in a crisis etc., And
likewise those who aren't good in a crisis, freak out, etc.

Examples of active fog scenarios:

I had originally thought of a 'little girl lost' on her way home from school (the fog came in suddenly like a tidal wave catching everyone unawares) - she's a brave little girl but suddenly marooned, whimpering. She's crying softly after walking around in circles. A voice echoes through the fog, the voice of a blind man accompanied by his guide dog. He (and the dog) know this route like the back of their hands - to the pub, of course, where daily he enjoys a pint with his mates. The two (or three, if you count the dog) will take safe haven with everyone else.

Alternatively, or in addition, Rene's characters:

Accident Victims who appear out of the Fog after a car crash. George Prescott, 26, (recently geology graduate), is on a date with Kim Libby, 25,
A car accident could be a similarly emotive opening scene, highly charged with terrific and easily identifiable sound/audio effects.

Perhaps other scenes of 'where were you when it happened?' could be interweaved later, if you think it's too much at the top.

I just think you need to grab an audience at the outset with audio action, suspense - right in the thick of it.

...

Just mho.  





I like.


I have nothing to add. I'll simply leave it here to see  what our fellow merry band of (mostly) men say.

It  does seem like a great opening. Full of action, fear.
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Scar Tissue Films
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Right.

What I will do for the rest of the day is start to amend the chronology to include changes we've made along the way (eg speed Fog comes in), signify plot events, and start putting some of the basic character arcs in place. We'll eventually build this out into the script template/plot sequence together. Making it into a form that's easy to follow.


In the meantime:


We'll assume that we'll start dramatically as Libby suggested. People outside the pub getting caught in bad situations nearby, then making their way to the Pub.

Then there should be an altercation in the Pub. Freddie and his gang have made their way there, and they're not welcome.

Jane, our Police Officer is called by her husband to deal with it.

From there Jane and her Partner are called away to deal with developing events and become our eyes and ears in the local world.

Start making suggestions for her story. Probably there is a point she abandons her duties at Episode 5 to go and protect her own family and stays in the pub. That makes sense to me, anyway.
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Hey, Rick, sorry for the delay on the partner character. I'll write up what I've come up up with and share it when I get home.


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No problem.
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Can we get a roll call on who is involved in the writing?

So far, as a certainty, I think it's:

Rick
Rene
Gary
Frank
Jordan

Zack seemed like was a maybe based on the timing.  Libby?  Paul?  I may have missed a couple as well in the midst of all the threads.


My web site and scripts can be found here:

Gary's web site
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OK, I've had a go at just vomitting some ideas down for the start of the story. None of it is set in stone, or attempting to actually be good. It's just to throw something out to get the ball rolling. The philosophy being that if there's something down, it's easier to add to, correct, replace, suggest and improve things than if there's nothing.

EPISODE ONE

Day One: Date: JANUARY 13th
Main Story:

SETTING: MOORSIDE ROAD, DAVYHULME.

Dramatic Appearance of Fog.

We open on one such crash.

A car turning right is hit by a bus being driven by Melvin.
The car is flipped and trapped under the bus, seriously injuring two people.

George Prescott and Kim, who are out Pov for the scene, are involved in a nasty crash. They drive straight into the back of another car that has already crashed.
There are others injured.
Lots of screaming and shouts for help.
Kim calls an amubulance and is told they will get there as fast as they can.
Ask her if George is conscious.
He is. They tell her to stay where she is.
Kim says they should wait in the car for the Ambulance, but George insists he's fine and wants to get out of the fog and the car. He's worried that another car will hit them from behind.
Kim helps George from the car.
They have no idea where they are. The fog is too disorientating.
They narrowly avoid being hit again as a car serves by them.
People in the fog are screaming in fear and pain.
No-one knows what's going on. Lots of cries for help.


CUT TO JANE:

Jane and her partner are nearby in their squad car.
Dispatch tells them about the crash on Moorside Road (where the Garrick's Head pub is).
They head over to check on the victims and to close the road off.
They put their sirens on and their flashing blue lights and make their way there.
Most other cars pull over to the side of the road for safety, and to let them pass.
They get to the scene of the accident. It's bad.
Numerous cars involved in a pile up.
A bus has smashed into one car turning right.
The car is stuck under the bus.


Partner calls dispatch recommends Emergency crews and closing roads. Dispatch this is Officer xxxxxxx. There's a pile up on Moorside Road. Need to get Emergency Services out here and  shut the roads down.

Jane's Partner takes the car and closes off the end of the road, leaving the car parked across the entrance with it's flashing lights.
He takes some bollards and lights from the trunk/boot and runs back as best he can to close off the other road before more accidents occur.  
Two people in the car are still alive, but this is an emergency.
They are trapped in the car, under the bus.
There's a little girl there's also..Olivia, Calling to her mummy and daddy who are the ones people in the car.
The bus driver, Melvin, is traumatised.
A fire has started.
The girl wanders off into the fog.

She calls Dispatch and makes them aware of how bad the situation is and that they need to deal with it.
Dispatch: We're getting calls from everywhere, you'll have to deal with it.



CUT BACK TO GEORGE AND KIM.

People outside find themselves trapped in the fog.
People make their way blindly to wherever they can.
There are confused people passing them in the street. SOme curious overheard conversations about the fog, Foreshadowing that the fog effects some people.
They struggle to the side of the road.
And come across a young girl, crying, who has been separated from her parents.
They shout for the parents, but no-one comes.
What's your name, Honey?
Olivia. Olivia Higson.
Where's your parents?
They won't wake up.
We can't just leave her.
We'll find your parents, honey. Come with us.
They take the girl with them, thoguh they have no idea where they're going themselves.
An older blind man (name, race, backstory?)meets them and offers to guide them towards the pub he goes to every day. His guide dog leads them all there. There's a Pub just ahead. The Garrick's Head. Me dog takes me there for a pint every day.

CUT BACK TO JANE:

The injured people are unresponsive.
She shows her leadership skills by organising some people standing round to help.
She cuts the seat belts of the injured passngers.
And arranges for the standers by to help her pull the first injured people out on a count of three.
They get the two passengers out, alive, but hurt.
She orders everyone away from the buring wreckage in case it explodes.
Her tone leaves no room for denial.
Everyone moves back to a safe distance, stumbling throguh the fog together.
A huge boom as the car explodes into fire.

She calls Dispatch. There's a big fire. Need to extinguish it in case it spreads.

She still has the injured people to deal with.
She organises them all. Anyone who can walk, follow me.
She instructs the standers by who helped pull the injured out to carry the injured to the Hospital, which can't be seen, but is also a few hundred yards away.
They all go there, following Jane's Partner who is using his GPS.
They make it to the side wall of the Hospital and slowly make their way down to the Accident and Emergency Entrance.

CUT BACK TO:

George and Kim enter the Garrick's Head Pub, with Michelle (the little girl), lead by the blind man.
Kim shouts for help. he's injured, and we couldn't get an mbulance.
The Landlord and his Daughter get towels to treat the accident victim.
Kim telling everyone about how bad it is out there, there's been a huge crash. The Fog came out of nowhere.
Reaction to that: People worried about families/friends. Some want to go out, but are rapidly convinced it's a bit idea.
Introductions: What are your names? I'm Kim, he's George. This man lead us here.
Landlord: Hi Bill.
This girl is Michelle. She's lost her parents.
The Daughter says hello to the little girl and takes her away with her to find something less gruesome to occupy her time.
Landlord: The Hospital's just over the road. We can try and walk you over, if you like?
George: It's Mayhem out there, I just want to sit down for a minute.
They treat his wounds.
It looks nasty. You really need to get to the Hospital. You can't be too careful with head injuries.
He tells Kim to apply pressure to the wound.
HAve you seen it out there? YOu can't see more a few feet at best!
Landlord calls for an Ambulance, but are told that there are none available and it will be some wait.
The adviser on the phone says to keep George awake (medical advice..check for concussion etc).
Other people have made their way into the Pub.
Melvin O Donnell remarks that in all his years of driving he's never seen fog like this. Are you sure it isn't a chemical leak?
Patricia mentions that it might be a terrorist attack.
Landlord tells them to calm down it's just Fog.
Clive: We better close the windows, just in case.
Landlord: Probably not a bad idea.
They notice on the TV screen in the pub, that whichever sport was on has been abandoned due to the Fog.
It must be widespread across the country.

Daughter turns the channel on the TV to the News.
She yells for quiet.

TV CHANNEL

Breaking News about the Fog.
Hearing reports of major traffic incidents across the country.

MAIN STORY

Landlord I told you, it's just fog. Or do you think Terrorists have attacked the whole country?
Melvin: It could still be some kind of attack. Korea, or something.
Landlord: Give me a break.

Clive, the psychologist:  Here look out the window, look at it. There's something not right about it. Can you see it?
Melvin: What the hell are you talking, about? It's just fog.
Clive: No, it's....
Melvin: It's what?
Clive: I don't know. Forget it.

Landlord: How's the patient doing?
George: I'm  alright, just a bit dizzy.

Peter and Marjorie toddle over to the action.

Marjorie: I'll look after him. I was a Nurse in the second world war.
Landlord: Really?
Marjorie: No, not really young man. I'm not that old. The cheek of the young man, Peter!. Have you heard this, Peter? He's saying I'm ancient.
Peter: I heard. Terrible it is. Grey discrimination. Young people have no respect.
They both chuckle.
Marjorie: ALright,luvvie. What have you done, banged your head?
Kim: We had a car crash. He may have hit his head on the dashboard.
Marjorie: That's a bad business. We never crashed did we, Peter?
Peter: no, never.
Marjorie: We were always too careful.
Peter: I think we had better coordination than young folks these days, we had to do more with our hands.
Marjorie: That's right. Young folk sspend too long on their devices these days. They're not focused.
Peter: They're like Zombies.

They chuckle again.

Marjorie: Let's have a look at this.

SFX: Peeling off the wounds cover.

Marjorie: OOooh, that's nasty. You need to see the Hospitsl with that.
Kim: There are no Ambualances. And we don't know where it is.
Marjorie: It's only over the road. We can take him, can't we Peter?
Peter: I don't see why not.
You can't see out there.
Marjorie: It's only a bit of fog. Wecan handle it. Peter was a Frogman in the WOrld War, weren't you Peter?

He laughs.

Peter: That's right.

They check outsde...it's far too foggy to go.

Out of the fog, some figures loom.

Freddie and his gang enter the Pub.
Arguments begin because the Landlord and the regulars don't want him there.
Freddie refuses to leave.
Just serve us the drinks, fat lad.
The situation becomes hostile.
Husband doesn't want to get involved. Worried he might lose the fight and no-one  else in the pub is willing to help.
Clive: Just serve them.
Landlord does.


CUT TO HOSPITAL:

Jane and her partner have made their way to the hopsital with the injured and the passers by.
JANE: I didn't want to move them, but the car was on fire and we didn't have a choice.
Doctors and Nurses make checks on the injured and whisk them away for treatment.
The passers by want to know what to do now. They don't know where they are. She advises them to stay in the Hospital until the Fog clears and thanks them all for the help.


CUT TO PUB:

Freddie and his gang want more. Don't want to pay.
Freddie makes his way round the bar to serve himself and his friends when the Landlord refuses.
Landlord calls his wife, Jane. Our Police Officer.

CUT TO HOSPITAL:

Mobile phone rings. It's her husband.
Tells her there's a problem with local gangs in the pub. Could turn nasty.
Can't you handle it?
(Pause) There's a few of them.
Alright, we'll be there.

She calls dispatch.
Got an incident over at the Garrick's Head.
Isn't that your place?
Yeah.

They make their way throguh the fog.
More foggy weirdness.
Some strange incident with a passer by.

POSSIBILITY they meet David here, lost in the Fog and he wants to walk with them. He's disoriented.

Then they get to the Pub.


She and her Partner deal with Freddie, who seems to want to fight.
Her partner's son is part of the gang they're facing.
Partner takes his Taser out.
She knows his address it's not far.  A grown boy like you isn't scared of a little Fog, are you? Do you want me to hold your hand and walk you home?
Or hardcore: There are serious incidents going on , you either leave now in perfect health, or you leave with your face in pieces. It's up to you.
You can't say that.
Make a complaint to the Police Complaints Authority if you like. Once your wounds have  healed.
Freddie laughs.

Here, have your pint back. He throws the glass behind the bar, shattering it.

Then leaves with his friends.
Jane's partner moves to get his son.
Jane: Leave it for now.

ON TV

Continuing with the breaking news about the fog.
Reports of major incidents across the country.
Major pile ups on M1, M60.
Government recommends people don't travel.
Stay where you are until the fog has passed.
Commercial flights delayed.
Schools Shut. Who parents should call if they are worried?

IN PUB:

Jane  talks with husband and daughter.
Where's Michael?
Shit. He was at  school. He must still be out there.
He tries calling.
No answer.
He's not answering.
Call the school.
Maybe they're all still there.
He calls the school.
Headmaster tells him that Michael wasn't in today.
Where the Hell is he?

She tells them to put all the lights on upstairs. Maybe stick some christmas lights out front, so that people, and Michael, who are lost in the fog can find their way here. .

Dispatch is calling them back to work. But they inform them that the roads are untravellable.
Talks to them about her missing son.
They're getting a lot of calls from people worried about their families?
Does she have any ideas?
They could mark out the roads, major landmarks, maybe but radios out to tell people where they are?
Does she think that's necessary? Surely the fog will go in a couple of hours?
Maybe.

People in the pub mention the injured man, George.
His condition has taken a turn for the worse. Looks like he's severely concussed after all. Losing consciousness.
She suggests they escort the injured guy over to the Hospital.

CUT TO OUTSIDE:

She and her partner help them across the road.

Ambulances and Police Vans go past, sirens screaming.

THEN WHAT DO THEY DO????????



CUT TO PUB:


TV Host questioning someone about whether it's just Fog or something else?
Impossible to say right now, but it's so widespread that it appears to be a natural weather phenomenon.


After the super fast start I imagine that the Pub characters are effectively stuck in the Pub for the foreseeable, and settle down and start talking...which is when we get to know who they are better.

Probably some interesting entrance for the main antagonist is in order as well. Either walking in out of the fog, or doing something strange/memorable if he's already in there.

Revision History (8 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Scar Tissue Films  -  September 3rd, 2019, 4:17pm
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ReneC
Posted: August 31st, 2019, 12:58pm Report to Moderator
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Everything is coming together quite nicely.

A word of caution about the opening though. If Jane is our main character, the current opening doesn't establish that very well. Having a series of short scenes in the fog is fine, but then we stay on George and Kim after their accident. They will seem to be the main characters, but they aren't even major characters.

We can do the terrible driving conditions and the crash and leave them. Let us wonder about their fate. Go to Jane, and stay with her. That should be the longest scene so far. It doesn't matter how the couple make their way to the pub afterwards.


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ReneC
Posted: August 31st, 2019, 1:21pm Report to Moderator
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For the antagonist, maybe he doesn't work. He inherited a small fortune quite young (no family) and effectively lives outside of society but maybe judges it quite harshly, and privately. He knows the world is broken and needs fixing. He logs his personal thoughts and ideas, certain one day he's going to write a book that will change the world. And in the meantime, life just keeps dumping on him, proving him right.

In the pub, he can be writing about the people around him or about what's on the television. When he leaves, he could get nearly run into by a bicycle and yelled at, maybe even drop his precious laptop. Something that sets him off.

For the altercation, maybe it's that one of the patrons has a restraining order against one of Freddie's goons for domestic abuse. She sees him outside and calls the police even though the goon doesn't know she's there, because she's afraid. She's also too afraid to leave. Something more urgent can pull Jane away after confronting the goon and he leaves, only to come back soon after she's gone and now he knows she's inside, his own little power move. It might even be Patricia, someone who's strong and capable in many ways but deeply affected by her bad choices romantically. It might even be the thing that unhinges her in all of this.


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