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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The August Challenge  ›  August/September Character Discussion Moderators: Scar Tissue Films
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  Author    August/September Character Discussion  (currently 6788 views)
Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 1st, 2019, 4:20pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

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Quoted from FrankM

So maybe the one drawing Jane’s own rebellious son toward the gang.

Makes sense to me.
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Gary Howell
Posted: September 1st, 2019, 4:49pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

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Rick, just sent you a PM.

An utterly mediocre writer who somehow still falls bass ackwards into getting some of his scripts produced.
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Posted: September 1st, 2019, 5:27pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
Shall we make him a single father as well? Put a bit of pressure on his shoulders?

Yes, I believe his previous marriage likely ended badly, maybe do to his drinking?

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
If he's going to have a son, we could make him one of Freddie's gang. Gone off the rails a bit, rebelling against his Father,

Like it.

WITCH HUNT - horror, 77 pgs

GOODBYE - drama, 4 pgs

HERE COMES THE BOGEYMAN - horror, 24 pgs
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Posted: September 1st, 2019, 5:29pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Quoted from FrankM

So maybe the one drawing Jane’s own rebellious son toward the gang.

Double like it. I think the son should be a lost cause. Maybe he's the one to kill his father?

WITCH HUNT - horror, 77 pgs

GOODBYE - drama, 4 pgs

HERE COMES THE BOGEYMAN - horror, 24 pgs
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 1st, 2019, 5:42pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

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Seem like a decent plotline.
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 1st, 2019, 5:50pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

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Day One: Date: JANUARY 13th
Main Story:


Open on:George and Kim driving. Talking.
Traffic moving quickly.
Dramatic Appearance of Fog.
A car turning right ahead of them  is hit by a bus being driven by Melvin. 
The car is flipped and trapped under the bus, seriously injuring two people. 
Other cars hit, or are shunted into the crashed vehicles.
George Prescott and Kim are involved in the same nasty crash. They drive straight into the back of another car that has already crashed into a car in front, which had ploughed into the bus from the side. Its a huge pile up.
There are many injured. 
Lots of screaming and shouts for help. 
Kim calls an amubulance and is told they will get there as fast as they can. 
Ask her if George is conscious.
He is. They tell her to stay where she is. 
Kim says they should wait in the car for the Ambulance, but George insists he's fine and wants to get out of the fog and the car. He's worried that another car will hit them from behind. 
Kim helps George from the car. 
They have no idea where they are. The fog is too disorientating.
They narrowly avoid being hit again as a car serves by them.
People in the fog are screaming in fear and pain. 
No-one knows what's going on. Lots of cries for help. 

Jane and her partner are nearby in their squad car. 
Dispatch tells them about the crash on Moorside Road (where the Garrick's Head pub is).
They head over to check on the victims and to close the road off.
They put their sirens on and their flashing blue lights and make their way there. 
Most other cars pull over to the side of the road for safety, and to let them pass.
They get to the scene of the accident. It's bad.
Numerous cars involved in a pile up.
A bus has smashed into one car turning right.
The car is stuck under the bus. 

Partner calls dispatch recommends Emergency crews and closing roads. Dispatch this is Officer xxxxxxx. There's a pile up on Moorside Road. Need to get Emergency Services out here and  shut the roads down.

Jane's Partner takes the car and closes off the end of the road, leaving the car parked across the entrance with it's flashing lights. 
He takes some bollards and lights from the trunk/boot and runs back as best he can to close off the other road before more accidents occur.  
Two people in the car are still alive, but this is an emergency.
They are trapped in the car, under the bus. 
There's a little girl there's also..Olivia, Calling to her mummy and daddy who are the ones people in the car. 
The bus driver, Melvin, is traumatised. 
A fire has started.
The girl wanders off into the fog. 

She calls Dispatch and makes them aware of how bad the situation is and that they need to deal with it.
Dispatch: We're getting calls from everywhere, you'll have to deal with it. 


People outside find themselves trapped in the fog.
People make their way blindly to wherever they can.
There are confused people passing them in the street. SOme curious overheard conversations about the fog, Foreshadowing that the fog effects some people.
They struggle to the side of the road.
And come across a young girl who has been separated from her parents.
They shout for the parents, but no-one comes.
What's your name, Honey?
Olivia. Olivia Higson.
Where are your parents?
I couldn't wake them up. She's crying.
Were they in the car? She nods.
What should we do? They take the girl with them, thoguh they have no idea where they're going themselves.
An older blind man (name, race, backstory?)meets them and offers to guide them towards the pub he goes to every day. His guide dog leads them all there. There's a Pub just ahead. The Garrick's Head. Me dog takes me there for a pint every day.


Terrible situation.
A family is trapped under the car.
A fire has started.
The bus driver is traumatised.
Jane again calls dispatch and checks the ETA of the Ambulance and Fire Services. They are not going to be here on time.
She shows her leadership skills by organising some people standing round to help.
She cuts the seat belts of the injured passngers.
And arranges for the standers by to help her pull the first injured people out on a count of three.
They get the two passengers out, alive, but hurt.
She orders everyone away from the buring wreckage in case it explodes.
Her tone leaves no room for denial.
Everyone moves back to a safe distance, stumbling throguh the fog together.
A huge boom as the car explodes into fire.

She calls Dispatch. There's a big fire. Need to extinguish it in case it spreads.

She still has the injured people to deal with.
She organises them all. Anyone who can walk, follow me.
She instructs the standers by who helped pull the injured out to carry the injured to the Hospital, which can't be seen, but is also a few hundred yards away.
They all go there, following Jane's Partner who is using his GPS.
They make it to the side wall of the Hospital and slowly make their way down to the Accident and Emergency Entrance.


George and Kim enter the Garrick's Head Pub, with Michelle (the little girl), lead by the blind man.
Kim shouts for help. he's injured, and we couldn't get an mbulance.
The Landlord and his Daughter get towels to treat the accident victim.
Kim telling everyone about how bad it is out there, there's been a huge crash. The Fog came out of nowhere.
Reaction to that: People worried about families/friends. Some want to go out, but are rapidly convinced it's a bit idea.
Introductions: What are your names? I'm Kim, he's George. This man lead us here.
Landlord: Hi Bill.
This girl is Olivia. She's lost her parents. (quietly.)I think they are in the crash.
The Daughter says hello to the little girl and takes her away with her to find something less gruesome to occupy her time.
Landlord: The Hospital's just over the road. We can try and walk you over, if you like?
George: It's Mayhem out there, I just want to sit down for a minute.
They treat his wounds.
It looks nasty. You really need to get to the Hospital. You can't be too careful with head injuries.
He tells Kim to apply pressure to the wound.
HAve you seen it out there? YOu can't see more a few feet at best!
Landlord calls for an Ambulance, but are told that there are none available and it will be some wait.
The adviser on the phone says to keep George awake (medical advice..check for concussion etc).
Other people have made their way into the Pub.
Melvin O Donnell remarks that in all his years of driving he's never seen fog like this. Are you sure it isn't a chemical leak?
Patricia mentions that it might be a terrorist attack.
Landlord tells them to calm down it's just Fog.
Clive: We better close the windows, just in case.
Landlord: Probably not a bad idea.
They notice on the TV screen in the pub, that whichever sport was on has been abandoned due to the Fog.
It must be widespread across the country.

Daughter turns the channel on the TV to the News.
She yells for quiet.


Breaking News about the Fog.
Hearing reports of major traffic incidents across the country.


Landlord I told you, it's just fog. Or do you think Terrorists have attacked the whole country?
Melvin: It could still be some kind of attack. Korea, or something.
Landlord: Give me a break.

Clive, the psychologist:  Here look out the window, look at it. There's something not right about it. Can you see it?
Melvin: What the hell are you talking, about? It's just fog.
Clive: No, it's....
Melvin: It's what?
Clive: I don't know. Forget it.

Landlord: How's the patient doing?
George: I'm  alright, just a bit dizzy.

Peter and Marjorie toddle over to the action.

Marjorie: I'll look after him. I was a Nurse in the second world war.
Landlord: Really?
Marjorie: No, not really young man. I'm not that old. The cheek of the young man, Peter!. Have you heard this, Peter? He's saying I'm ancient.
Peter: I heard. Terrible it is. Grey discrimination. Young people have no respect.
They both chuckle.
Marjorie: ALright,luvvie. What have you done, banged your head?
Kim: We had a car crash. He may have hit his head on the dashboard.
Marjorie: That's a bad business. We never crashed did we, Peter?
Peter: no, never.
Marjorie: We were always too careful.
Peter: I think we had better coordination than young folks these days, we had to do more with our hands.
Marjorie: That's right. Young folk sspend too long on their devices these days. They're not focused.
Peter: They're like Zombies.

They chuckle again.

Marjorie: Let's have a look at this.

SFX: Peeling off the wounds cover.

Marjorie: OOooh, that's nasty. You need to see the Hospitsl with that.
Kim: There are no Ambualances. And we don't know where it is.
Marjorie: It's only over the road. We can take him, can't we Peter?
Peter: I don't see why not.
You can't see out there.
Marjorie: It's only a bit of fog. Wecan handle it. Peter was a Frogman in the WOrld War, weren't you Peter?

He laughs.

Peter: That's right.

They check's far too foggy to go.

Out of the fog, some figures loom.

Freddie and his gang enter the Pub.
Arguments begin because the Landlord and the regulars don't want him there.
Freddie refuses to leave.
Just serve us the drinks, fat lad.
The situation becomes hostile.
Husband doesn't want to get involved. Worried he might lose the fight and no-one  else in the pub is willing to help.
Clive: Just serve them.
Landlord does.


Jane and her partner have made their way to the hopsital with the injured and the passers by.
JANE: I didn't want to move them, but the car was on fire and we didn't have a choice.
Doctors and Nurses make checks on the injured and whisk them away for treatment.
The passers by want to know what to do now. They don't know where they are. She advises them to stay in the Hospital until the Fog clears and thanks them all for the help.


Freddie and his gang want more. Don't want to pay.
Freddie makes his way round the bar to serve himself and his friends when the Landlord refuses.
Landlord calls his wife, Jane. Our Police Officer.


Mobile phone rings. It's her husband.
Tells her there's a problem with local gangs in the pub. Could turn nasty.
Can't you handle it?
(Pause) There's a few of them.
Alright, we'll be there.

She calls dispatch.
Got an incident over at the Garrick's Head.
Isn't that your place?

They make their way throguh the fog.
More foggy weirdness.
Some strange incident with a passer by.

POSSIBILITY they meet David here, lost in the Fog and he wants to walk with them. He's disoriented.

Then they get to the Pub.

She and her Partner deal with Freddie, who seems to want to fight.
Her partner's son is part of the gang they're facing.
Partner takes his Taser out.
She knows his address it's not far.  A grown boy like you isn't scared of a little Fog, are you? Do you want me to hold your hand and walk you home?
Or hardcore: There are serious incidents going on , you either leave now in perfect health, or you leave with your face in pieces. It's up to you.
You can't say that.
Make a complaint to the Police Complaints Authority if you like. Once your wounds have  healed.
Freddie laughs.

Here, have your pint back. He throws the glass behind the bar, shattering it.

Then leaves with his friends.
Jane's partner moves to get his son.
Jane: Leave it for now.


Continuing with the breaking news about the fog.
Reports of major incidents across the country.
Major pile ups on M1, M60.
Government recommends people don't travel.
Stay where you are until the fog has passed.
Commercial flights delayed.
Schools Shut. Who parents should call if they are worried?


Jane  talks with husband and daughter.
Where's Michael?
Shit. He was at  school. He must still be out there.
He tries calling.
No answer.
He's not answering.
Call the school.
Maybe they're all still there.
He calls the school.
Headmaster tells him that Michael wasn't in today.
Where the Hell is he?
She asks Abigail (Michael's sister, and her daughter) if she had any idea of where he is.
Reluctantly, she tells them that he sometimes goes to the Park after school. Chassen Park
Doing what?
What do kids like Michael stupid Youtube videos and try to smoke cigarettes.

She tells them to put all the lights on upstairs. Maybe stick some christmas lights out front, so that people, and Michael, who are lost in the fog can find their way here. .

People in the pub mention the injured man, George.
His condition has taken a turn for the worse. Looks like he's severely concussed after all. Losing consciousness.
She suggests they escort the injured guy over to the Hospital.
(George will go into a coma, leading to a choice Kim has to make to stay with him in the Hospital or leave him and go to attempted safety with the main gang.)

Dispatch is calling them back to work/for an update on the situation.
Car is out of action blocking the road to prevent further accidents.
Back up is on the way to deal with the situation.
Talks to them about her missing son.
They're getting a lot of calls from people worried about their families and from people trapped in the fog.
Does she have any ideas?
They could mark out the roads, major landmarks, maybe but radios out to tell people where they are.
Can they tell local media to run with it and get people putting up Christmas lights and to tell people to stay indoors as much as possible?
Does she think that's necessary? Surely the fog will go in a couple of hours?
Need to speak with the Meteorological guys, see when this is going to pass. Never seen anything like it.
They agree. They will keep her updated.
Meanwhile, they agree that she can go look for her son.


She and her partner help Kim and George across the road to the Accident and Emergency.

Ambulances and Police Vans go past, sirens screaming.

Revision History (5 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Scar Tissue Films  -  September 3rd, 2019, 6:08pm
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Posted: September 1st, 2019, 9:32pm Report to Moderator

The Great Southern Land
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Looking good, Rick. Will scrutinise it more later.

Just a word about names: I'm not overly fond of boring Michelle for a name, but beggars can't be choosers.  Names change depending on fashion and decade. You could argue for her age we'd need to look up names a decade ago for popularity but I'd say we just go for popular now for all cast members. I obviously could/should have thrown you a name and age if I'm interested in writing said characters.

FYI: going forward if anyone's interested.


I think Michelle should be: Freya, Isla, or Olivia. Age: 11, or 12.

What exactly is the plan re writing?
I'm married to a guy from your neck of the woods so have picked up a lot of the local lingo (without going over the top). That said I'd be interested in writing the young Girl, Blind Man, and Freddie (Freddy) and his gang specifically.

Just as an added thing... While I was looking at names I came across this:

It is estimated that more than 150 million men and boys in the world bear the name Muhammad due to its relationship to the Islamic prophet Muhammad. Muhammad was the most popular baby boys' name in four regions of England and Wales, including in London and the West Midlands, according to 2013 official statistics.

Also, so we're accurately representative:

The City of Manchester has the highest proportion of non-white people of any district in Greater Manchester. The 2011 census found the racial and ethnic composition of Manchester was:

White: 66.7% (59.3% White British, 2.4% White Irish, 0.1% Irish Traveller or Gypsy, 4.9% other white)
Mixed race: 4.7% (1.8% white and black Caribbean, 0.9% white and black African, 1.0% white and Asian, 1.0% other mixed race)
Asian: 17.1% (8.5% Pakistani, 2.7% Chinese, 2.3% Indian, 1.3% Bangladeshi, 2.3% other Asian)
Black: 8.6% (5.1% African, 1.6% other black)
1.9% Arab
1.2% other ethnicity
Since 2001, the share of Christians in Manchester has fallen from 62.4% to 48.7%, while the percentage of people with no religious affiliation increased from 16% to 25.4%. The percentage of Muslims has increased as well from 9.1% to 15.8%. Manchester has the largest Jewish population in Britain outside of London.

Manchester also has a percentage of gay and lesbian people that is higher than the English national average: 0.23% of people were in a same-sex civil partnership, compared to the national average of 0.16%.

There are several areas that serve as a center for ethnic minority populations, including Rusholme, Cheetham Hill, Moss Side and Longsight. There is also a Chinatown with the third-largest Chinese population in Europe.

Additional story strands:

I like the previous subplot suggestion of crime under the cloak of darkness - in this case the fog. Whoever was a serial killer before (maybe not that extreme) still is etc. The fog could be making the job easier.

And, as things move along what about racial/cultural tensions & divides - along the line of some suggesting the fog is terrorist related?

Just throwing things out there.

I'm still a bit ambivalent about what seems to me to be a huge ambitious project here, but you can definitely count on me to contribute - even if on a more minor scale than some.  See how I go... Does that work?

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Posted: September 1st, 2019, 9:47pm Report to Moderator

The Great Southern Land
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Quoted from Gary Howell
Can we get a roll call on who is involved in the writing?

So far, as a certainty, I think it's:


Zack seemed like was a maybe based on the timing.  Libby?  Paul?  I may have missed a couple as well in the midst of all the threads.

Yep, count me in as a bit of a nervous player, (like I said in my prev post,) on behalf of the female contingent.  

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Gary Howell
Posted: September 1st, 2019, 10:17pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group

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Quoted from LC

Yep, count me in as a bit of a nervous player, (like I said in my prev post,) on behalf of the female contingent.  

Libby, can you PM me your email address? I've started a Google Doc with everything to date in one place so we can all easily find things and edit as we go.


An utterly mediocre writer who somehow still falls bass ackwards into getting some of his scripts produced.
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Posted: September 1st, 2019, 10:36pm Report to Moderator

The Great Southern Land
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Thanks, Gary.

P.S. Wow, great work! Looking it over now.

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Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 12:33am Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Impressive work, Gary. Definitely gives me a good idea of how exactly this will be structured. Really think this is coming together pretty well.

WITCH HUNT - horror, 77 pgs

GOODBYE - drama, 4 pgs

HERE COMES THE BOGEYMAN - horror, 24 pgs
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 4:47am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

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@Libby. I'll reply in full when I've got a break from work.

So far I consider the names to be placeholders. Michelle is too close to Michael, anyway. Olivia is the one out of your list that appeals to me the most.

In terms of the racial make up of the characters : I mentioned that (in admittedly less detail) in the opening post.

Davyhulme itself is largely white. Which doesn't mean it shouldn't still be a diverse cast(it needs to be) . The Hospital is the best place to introduce diversity, in realistic terms (if that matters). The Pub in real life us a significantly less diverse place than it could be, but of course people can walk in who wouldn't normally be there.

The racial stuff is problematic on many levels and has to be handled with extreme sensitivity.

In truth, the reality of what would actually happen is probably illegal to even type in this age of oppression.

The truth of matters is that any group with large numbers, particularly of young men, organised by a central belief system that disseminated information in a top down manner... Would have a significantly increased chance of survival over other, less organised groups and less "certain" groups.

Which probably explains much of human history.

We'll have to deal with that very carefully.
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 4:59am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

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Like I said before, I ultimately want to end this story on an optimistic note. Humanity pulling together its multiple strands, and rising above the fog together.

Religions, politics, scientists, male/female pulling together in what is probably some kind of 'Hallowed Secularism' and putting together the new seeds of a bright future for everyone.

So I feel comfortable going to some pretty dark places along the way, but it's got to be done right.
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Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 6:04am Report to Moderator

The Great Southern Land
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Say no more, Rick. I agree. Make it about people pulling together - (amidst darkness) more about character and personality without other complications like race, religion, etc., even though that can be incidental.

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Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 7:22am Report to Moderator
January Project Group

Between Chair and Keyboard
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While having a racially diverse (or more precisely, accent diverse) cast helps distinguish a large number of voices for the audience, there is the practical concern of what actors the production company can expect to bring to the table. We have nothing to worry about if they’ve got their own Rich Little or James Doohan who can do several voices and accents, but I wouldn’t want to assume that.

Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilot:
"Kord" (Fantasy)

Additional scripts are listed here.
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