Quoted from LC Well, you have my help, so just dive in, Zack - I will too - and then like I said we can pool efforts and perfect, then put it up for scrutiny from others partaking. Whatcha reckon? P.S. PM'd you my email @.

Emailed you a very rough draft of the opening sequence. Wrote it on a document program on my phone, so please excuse the odd format. Let me know what you think.

Just a gentle warning on the opening, building on what Rene said earlier in the thread.

It needs to establish Jane as the main character, so be wary of cutting away from her story for too long at the start.

There is plenty of time to establish the other characters in the pub.

Rick, just to clarify though, there's no hard and fast rule says the main character has to appear in the very first scene of the opening is there? She's there obviously, but there's an ensemble of characters hit by that fog on the road intermingled with her prominent appearance?

I'm gonna read the entirety of this thread again and Gary's summary.

Zack's having a go at the opening, as am I.

Nothing to stop Rene, or anyone else from giving it a go too, right?

I mean at least to start with we should pool our talents for the optimal Opening and see what works most effectively from a general consensus POV?

I won't be able to really get into it though till tomorrow afternoon probably. The dentist comes first unfortunately, ick.

One other question: If someone manages to download a format template (transcript) for one of the popular fiction podcasts I'd be grateful - one that looks good and is efficient and easy to work with. So many I've looked at so far look messy and it'd be good to be able to work with an application that makes the writing easier.

Not complaining, just saying...

Have a go and see and see what works, if you like.

When I did the original vomit beat sketch, Rene felt that if focused too much on George and Kim's plight and gave the impression they were the main characters, so I restructured it, adding a bigger accident and establishing Jane's credentials immediately (essentially a 'Save the Cat" moment, though that wasn't a conscious thing).

It made sense to me simply because we've got to focus the attention primarily'somewhere. It's just a question of balance, though.

P. S

Stephen posted a couple of templates somewhere on the chronology thread.

Rene also posted a link on this thread to a podcast, and on their website they had links to their scripts.

It's basically just:

Libby : Why, what terrible weather we're having.

SFX: A tornado in the background.


Everything is audio. Anything outside of the dialogue must necessarily be describing some sound effects. So as long as you make it clear what we're hearing.. Even if you go over the top in describing it, is fine as far as I'm concerned.

Alright, so Libby and I are taking a stab at the opening scene with George and Kim just as they are about to have the accident.

Are there any others characters that NEED to be in this scene. Obviously Jane and her Partner, Peter?, but are there any others? Libby mentioned a little girl named Olivia. Who is she?

Any named/important characters on the bus? How badly is George injured during the accident? Is he concious? Can he walk?

I'm at work at the moment, but I'm gonna reread this thread whenever I get some free time.

Michelle AKA Olivia, Zack.

Our blind character with his guide dog help her when she's lost.
Sorry about that. I should have been clear in my email.

Quoted from LC Michelle AKA Olivia, Zack. Our blind character with his guide dog help her when she's lost. Sorry about that. I should have been clear in my email.

So is Michelle the dog? Or the blind person? Lol

And is this character part of the accident? Sorry, it's been kinda tough keeping up with this thread.

I did wonder whether the bus involved in the accident could be driven by Melvin because he happens to be a bus driver. So he starts the story traumatised which might make his character more interesting.

Good point, Rick. I was just reading the precis again and this other bus driver appeared in the pub, so yes, agreed. Melvin should be one and the same, adds much more him being traumatised etc.

Quoted from Zack So is Michelle the dog? Or the blind person? Lol And is this character part of the accident? Sorry, it's been kinda tough keeping up with this thread.

Yeah, it's a bit that way.   At the moment, anyway...

If someone could PM me a comprehensive list of all the characters involved in the opening sequence, I'd be extremely grateful.

It's sunny here in Vancouver and I have fog rolling in...

Method writing.  

CHARACTERS MAKING THEIR WAY TO THE PUB IN DRAMATIC OPENING:

George Prescott, 26, recently geology graduate, is on a date with Kim Libby, 25, American on a work visa. George is soon heading to Cornwall to work in the re-opening tin mine. His grandfather was a miner, but George will be working in a lab. Accident Victims who appear out of the Fog after a car crash.

MICHELLE/OLIVIA HIGSON. Lost child.  Represents  the child's innocent view and completes the age groups. Plot...trying to re-unite her with her parents.

BILL/NASIM (Gary called him Nasim): Blind man with his guide dog.  Represents the blind in the story...unaffected by the fog as he can't see it.

These people meet up outside and are lead by the blind man to the pub.

Melvin O'Donnell, 54, bus driver, divorced. A regular, someone who knows the city well and knows people along his route. Leaves the pub to try to find his son along with his ex-wife? Represents Working Class man. Socialism. Maybe a little bit racist? Got common sense, but not a lot of education and has no real way of evaluating what's true or not true in terms of the science, psychology, economics etc.  He crashes his  bus and is deeply traumatised.

Jane and her Partner are attending the accident.  There's already a Peter in the story (an old guy). Better if you change the Partner's name to something else.

Did another pass at the draft. Again, writing this on my phone so the format may be a bit wonky. Anyone who wants to give it a look, send me your email.

Libby, sending it your way now.