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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    The August Challenge  ›  August/September Character Discussion Moderators: Scar Tissue Films
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  Author    August/September Character Discussion  (currently 4128 views)
hawkeye
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 8:31am Report to Moderator
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Frank, check your email -- sent you a Google doc.

By the way, all, I'm still editing the doc.  Feel free to do so yourselves.  Most of that is Rick's work which I'm editing for brevity and adding some of my own touches.  But it's a shareable, editable doc.  I'm out most of the day today (Labor Day here in the U.S., so I'm going to play golf in 100 degree heat!) but will edit more tonight.

Jordan, get me your email address and I'll forward to you as well.

Gary


My web site and scripts can be found here:

Gary's web site
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 10:25am Report to Moderator
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That wall of text above looks a bit intimidating.

Chopping it down to encourage responses:

1, Massive crash caused by Fog. These crashes are happening all over the city/country.
2. Jane, our Police Officer, and her Partner rescue people and take them to the nearby hospital on foot with the help of passers-by and block off the road with their police car to prevent further accidents.
3. They are called to the local Pub to help break up a situation, which they do successfully.
4. In the Pub, Jane discovers that her son is missing.


So, current situation:

Lots of  horrific crashes. Too many for the Emergency services to cope with.
Large number of people phoning the Police as they are trapped in the Fog, or worried about missing relatives.
First, very slight intimations that the fog has psychological effects. Very slight/realistic.
Her own son is missing in the fog.

I'm proceeding under the assumption that the Traffic situation is being dealt with by the Police Force largely off screen. We'll get updates on it on the TV from the Pub, and through Jane's conversations with Dispatch/her superiors and we'll see the results of those conversations on the streets around us.

This frees her to search for her son, and other people lost along the way.

She will keep in touch with Dispatch and/or her husband on the Phone allowing her to describe the situation, and to link back to the Pub.

The search for the missing son will lead into some other story. Probably to do with rising crime or some killer on the loose in the fog.


Looking at what we have I am of the  opinion that, once the beats we've got are expanded we've already got Episode One and more.

I'm thinking the best use of the next week is to slowly fill in what we have and end the week with a Pilot episode. We can then read it, improve it and perfect the style.

I regard hitting that point to be a successful challenge. After that we can talk about taking it forwards for those that are interested.

Does that seem sensible?
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Zack
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 10:52am Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films
That wall of text above looks a bit intimidating.

Chopping it down to encourage responses:

1, Massive crash caused by Fog. These crashes are happening all over the city/country.
2. Jane, our Police Officer, and her Partner rescue people and take them to the nearby hospital on foot with the help of passers-by and block off the road with their police car to prevent further accidents.
3. They are called to the local Pub to help break up a situation, which they do successfully.
4. In the Pub, Jane discovers that her son is missing.


So, current situation:

Lots of  horrific crashes. Too many for the Emergency services to cope with.
Large number of people phoning the Police as they are trapped in the Fog, or worried about missing relatives.
First, very slight intimations that the fog has psychological effects. Very slight/realistic.
Her own son is missing in the fog.

I'm proceeding under the assumption that the Traffic situation is being dealt with by the Police Force largely off screen. We'll get updates on it on the TV from the Pub, and through Jane's conversations with Dispatch/her superiors and we'll see the results of those conversations on the streets around us.

This frees her to search for her son, and other people lost along the way.

She will keep in touch with Dispatch and/or her husband on the Phone allowing her to describe the situation, and to link back to the Pub.

The search for the missing son will lead into some other story. Probably to do with rising crime or some killer on the loose in the fog.


Looking at what we have I am of the  opinion that, once the beats we've got are expanded we've already got Episode One and more.

I'm thinking the best use of the next week is to slowly fill in what we have and end the week with a Pilot episode. We can then read it, improve it and perfect the style.

I regard hitting that point to be a successful challenge. After that we can talk about taking it forwards for those that are interested.

Does that seem sensible?


All sounds good to me.


MY RATING SYSTEM

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Zack
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 12:49pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Let me know if there is anything specific you'd like me to handle, be that further character development or creating some action/ suspense sequences. Like I said, you've got me until the 8th, then I gotta get a draft of my feature finished. I'll still try to help you out during that week, but the next 7 days are when I will be able to contribute most.


MY RATING SYSTEM

  -  5/5
  -  4/5
  -  3/5
  -  2/5
  -  1/5
  -  0/5
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Nomad
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 2:01pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films

That wall of text above looks a bit intimidating.

It's supposed to be. We will trim it down later.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films

So, current situation:
Lots of  horrific crashes. Too many for the Emergency services to cope with.
Large number of people phoning the Police as they are trapped in the Fog, or worried about missing relatives.

The phone lines should be busy when they try to call for help. I like the idea of a football/soccer game being canceled due to fog. The game can be in London or somewhere far away to show that the fog is global.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films

I'm thinking the best use of the next week is to slowly fill in what we have and end the week with a Pilot episode. We can then read it, improve it and perfect the style.

I regard hitting that point to be a successful challenge. After that we can talk about taking it forwards for those that are interested.

Does that seem sensible?

Perfectly sensible

The beauty of this challenge is that we can write what we want following the outline established by Rick, but ultimately it's Rick's call on what comes out of the mouths of the voice actors.

I feel a lot less pressure to make everything perfect in my head before submitting it.
I'm going to do my best to create something that I'm proud of, but I know it'll change.

I don't speak Davyhulmeian lingo, so any dialogue I write will be with a Southern Californian accent.
Please feel free to remove any "dude"s, or "totally"s, or putting the word "the" in front of any freeway.

-Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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ReneC
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 2:14pm Report to Moderator
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@Frank There are many insanely talented voice actors out there. The success of the podcast will rely on the quality of the voice talent, and of course the foley, sound mixing, editing...

Of course, that's all out of our hands. We can only focus on delivering material worthy of great talent.

@Gary nice job putting that doc together and getting it out to us. I was wondering if a discord or something might be productive but I like the google doc approach. As long as we don't go down two separate paths with some people working on stuff posted here and others working on the doc, we should be more efficient.

Episode 1 is nearing fruition. We need to know where it's going now.

What are each character's arcs through season one, if they arc?
What topic or theme are the next episodes going to tackle?
What is the fog going to do in the next few episodes?
What other weather might happen in season one?
How are other nations being affected, and when?

I had a thought that maybe this should be set in December, so events are leading up to Christmas. More stress early on, more worry, busier time of year for travel, cold getting colder, religious time of year, and the audience would feel it. That Christmas episode could be particularly bleak.


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ReneC
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 2:21pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Nomad


The phone lines should be busy when they try to call for help. I like the idea of a football/soccer game being canceled due to fog. The game can be in London or somewhere far away to show that the fog is global.


I think there should be a football game on in the bar from the start and they have to call it due to fog. It's hard to use music in podcasts unless we want to pay for the rights, but a sports event can be made up pretty easily and would explain why there isn't any music on in the bar. After that, it's news or nothing as everyone's attention is on the situation, not enjoying music.


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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 3:09pm Report to Moderator
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Yes, I think there's mention of a sports game on TV in the mass blurb.

It's what makes them realise it's widespread and makes them put the news on.
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 3:33pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Zack
Let me know if there is anything specific you'd like me to handle, be that further character development or creating some action/ suspense sequences. Like I said, you've got me until the 8th, then I gotta get a draft of my feature finished. I'll still try to help you out during that week, but the next 7 days are when I will be able to contribute most.


You can start at the beginning if you like and have a go at the accident scene which kicks it all off. It's probably the most challenging bit, trying to convey the sense of what's happening.

The vague logistics are that people are driving near the pub, including Kim and George. A car is making a right turn (we drive on the left here)  as the fog suddenly rolls in. A bus ploughs in to the car, probably flipping in and pinning it under the bus. Then other cars pile into the back from both directions, and other cars into the back of them, including George and Kim.

There's no need to describe all that, of course... Jane can explain that to Dispatch on arrival. You want to try to get the sense of the mayhem, fear, pain and disorientation of the crash. The numerous voices calling for help, screams and just enough information that the audience understands roughly what's happening.
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 3:55pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from ReneC
@Frank There are many insanely talented voice actors out there. The success of the podcast will rely on the quality of the voice talent, and of course the foley, sound mixing, editing...

Of course, that's all out of our hands. We can only focus on delivering material worthy of great talent.

@Gary nice job putting that doc together and getting it out to us. I was wondering if a discord or something might be productive but I like the google doc approach. As long as we don't go down two separate paths with some people working on stuff posted here and others working on the doc, we should be more efficient.

Episode 1 is nearing fruition. We need to know where it's going now.

What are each character's arcs through season one, if they arc?
What topic or theme are the next episodes going to tackle?
What is the fog going to do in the next few episodes?
What other weather might happen in season one?
How are other nations being affected, and when?

I had a thought that maybe this should be set in December, so events are leading up to Christmas. More stress early on, more worry, busier time of year for travel, cold getting colder, religious time of year, and the audience would feel it. That Christmas episode could be particularly bleak.


Good questions. I'll throw some ideas out tomorrow.
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LC
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 8:13pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Scar Tissue Films


To Zack:

You can start at the beginning if you like and have a go at the accident scene which kicks it all off. It's probably the most challenging bit, trying to convey the sense of what's happening.

The vague logistics are that people are driving near the pub, including Kim and George. A car is making a right turn (we drive on the left here)  as the fog suddenly rolls in. A bus ploughs in to the car, probably flipping in and pinning it under the bus. Then other cars pile into the back from both directions, and other cars into the back of them, including George and Kim.

There's no need to describe all that, of course... Jane can explain that to Dispatch on arrival. You want to try to get the sense of the mayhem, fear, pain and disorientation of the crash. The numerous voices calling for help, screams and just enough information that the audience understands roughly what's happening.


Zack, if you like, get started on the opening, then shoot it over to me. I'll have a go too and then we can pool our efforts, add colloquialisms, tone, atmos, etc.

What do you think?
I'll PM you my email.

Actually, Gazza, a thought that you might want to include everyone's email in that Google doc.

Rick, working on the Pilot ep sounds like a great idea.


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Zack
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 8:57pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from LC


Zack, if you like, get started on the opening, then shoot it over to me. I'll have a go too and then we can pool our efforts, add colloquialisms, tone, atmos, etc.

What do you think?
I'll PM you my email.

Actually, Gazza, a thought that you might want to include everyone's email in that Google doc.

Rick, working on the Pilot ep sounds like a great idea.


Alright, I'll see what I can do for the opening sequence.

Have we settled on wether or not a narrator will be a part of this?



MY RATING SYSTEM

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  -  1/5
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ReneC
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 9:04pm Report to Moderator
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I think the narrator should be used, but sparingly. Do as much as you can without, which should be the vast majority. Describe through dialogue, use exposition, and when you can't avoid it use a narrator.

I'd also use a narrator to first describe the fog. Make it dramatic. Channel your inner H.G.Wells.

That's my view anyway.


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Zack
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 9:18pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Quoted from ReneC
I think the narrator should be used, but sparingly. Do as much as you can without, which should be the vast majority. Describe through dialogue, use exposition, and when you can't avoid it use a narrator.

I'd also use a narrator to first describe the fog. Make it dramatic. Channel your inner H.G.Wells.

That's my view anyway.


Thinking I'll open with a brief narration before diving into Jane and Peter responding to the pile up. Just really not sure how I'm supposed to write this when it's audio only. Gonna think on this tonight, see what I can come up with.



MY RATING SYSTEM

  -  5/5
  -  4/5
  -  3/5
  -  2/5
  -  1/5
  -  0/5
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LC
Posted: September 2nd, 2019, 9:38pm Report to Moderator
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Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

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Well, you have my help, so just dive in, Zack - I will too - and then like I said we can pool efforts and perfect, then put it up for scrutiny from others partaking. Whatcha reckon?

P.S. PM'd you my email @.




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