Quoted from Electric Dreamer Oh cool! Didn't hear that was an official attachment! Where did you get that info from? Link please.

Well, I saw it on twitter so it's not as official as it should be.
https://twitter.com/Scriptshadow/status/274027742671036416

Quoted from Electric Dreamer Dug into the St. Vincent de Van Nuys yesterday. Any script Bill Murray attaches himself to, I'm interested. And this one didn't disappoint. The writing's top notch and I dig the crusty old protag. Have I seen stories like this before? Yup. Would l like to see a little more originality? Sure. Despite that, did I feel compelled to read to the end? You betcha! The character turns were just real enough to keep me engaged. Always seems to help me get through a script once I know who's attached to star!

Agreed. I thought the story was kind of cute really, this old man who's just fallen out of life meets this lonely kid who becomes his neighbour.

One thing about the writing though, to me it was trying too hard to be "cool" and "groovy". It felt that the writer saw this style on another spec and decided he should try it himself and this is the result. I didn't mind it but some parts just made no sense because of it.

I cracked open this week's Amateur Friday script this morning...

Congrats to the Kiwis for getting a nod on Scriptshadow!
I am a fan of "Eagle vs. Shark." And Lee Tamahori's "Once Were Warriors."
So, I'm rocking the int'l vibe when I crack this open.

However, the quirkiness of the script felt more like frosting than cake.
I didn't understand why at all these funky attributes were hung on the characters.

But the biggest problem for me in the first 20 pages is: NO CONFLICT.

When the fiance was indifferent about the ring. I was pretty much done with this story.
According to the logline, the ring is crux of the plot! What gives?

That fiance better be TEN KINDS OF LIVID when the family heirloom takes a walk!
Our mousy hero should become a Mexican jumping bean of nerves to fix the mess!

But any semblance of contention is deflated before it ever begins.

In the first ten, I couldn't quite figure out who the protag was.
There was a bunch of folks intro'd that I couldn't keep straight.

Since I was confused who this story was about...
Couldn't latch onto a thread of conflict...
And felt the fiance completely hamstringed the stakes...
I bowed out at 20.

I feel that perhaps the author knows why these characters are a bucket of quirks.
But I don't get that from the page. And I need to in order to stay focused.

If there's no sparks on the page, you're pretty much done if no one knows you.
Gotta have the marketable concept rife with conflict nailed to get noticed!

Best of luck and keep writing and rewriting!

I only seemed to have gotten one script today, not sure if it was just me. Did everyone else get it?

Anyway, I gave the first 10 pages of 300 Years a read, the amateur script that Carson apparently got himself attached to.

And really, I think 90% of the people here on SS would just put it down after the first page.

I'll finish this later on in the day but I'll be honest here and say the first 10 pages are pretty bad.

I read the first 30 pages. No problem with the writing, but I am shocked someone is producing this script. I mean stunned.

The premise is that a young guy wakes up 300 years in the future, finds the Earth is now run by a species of aliens. And humans survive only as alien pets.

What is strange is that I have no idea what tone this story wants. There is absolutely no tension or horror. It's not a thriller. Which really only leaves comedy. Except it's not that either, as there is not even attempt at humor.

I am completely baffled. Even bad scripts usually know that they want to be. This script doesn't. I don't understand what happened. I'm not even sure if it's the writer's fault, because it sounds like he has been guided in the development of this script.

Again, the writing itself was fine. It reads very easy. The writer knows what he's doing in that regard.

Strange, maybe it's just me who's annoyed by the writing.

I'm around where you are Kev and pretty much agree with everything you said.

I'll finish it now though, maybe it does get better.

If I could ask you, what is it you don't like about the writing?

Sometimes a script is unclear or reads clunky, and that's a reason to be bothered as a reader.

But I also find there are a lot of writers who are troubled by scripts simply because the script doesn't adhere to their understanding of the rules of screenwriting.

Curious which is the case here, or some other reason. I found the script very easy to follow.

I haven't read 300 Years, specifically, but I usually get turned off by flowery prose. I usually want it to be as sparse as humanly possible. I'm sure that because it involves the future and aliens, that's not a possibility. But, that could be one of the reasons.

Quoted from leitskev But I also find there are a lot of writers who are troubled by scripts simply because the script doesn't adhere to their understanding of the rules of screenwriting.

I wouldn't exactly say that but I really do think this script could use a good clean up. It's the writer's style and I dig that this is just the way he writes but reading "He ran away from home five minutes ago. It's a decision that he now greatly regrets" and something similar every few pages really doesn't sound good.

It's not clunky or unclear but over written in once sense.  I never said the writing was bad, I've seen a lot worse. I don't hate asides either, I use them in my scripts but not so often that it feels like the writer is basically assuming the reader can't use common sense. That dog paragraph literally made me go "What?".

Like Blonde mentioned, it's just what the reader prefers.

I also just finished it. It gets better later on but TBH, the first act needs a rewrite and the characters need to be fleshed out more. Jack doesn't really have a back story, we know nothing about his past except that he was a drop out. His obsession with being free really seems to come out of the blue.

Genghis seems to be just thrown in there because the story needed an antagonist and his character has been seen a million times before. It was predictable and that was my biggest problem with it.

Thanks, I was just wondering. I appreciate the answer.

Quoted from leitskev I read the first 30 pages. No problem with the writing, but I am shocked someone is producing this script. I mean stunned. The premise is that a young guy wakes up 300 years in the future, finds the Earth is now run by a species of aliens. And humans survive only as alien pets. What is strange is that I have no idea what tone this story wants. There is absolutely no tension or horror. It's not a thriller. Which really only leaves comedy. Except it's not that either, as there is not even attempt at humor. I am completely baffled. Even bad scripts usually know that they want to be. This script doesn't. I don't understand what happened. I'm not even sure if it's the writer's fault, because it sounds like he has been guided in the development of this script. Again, the writing itself was fine. It reads very easy. The writer knows what he's doing in that regard.

Hey Kev,

What we got is the writer's submitted draft from earlier this year.
Did you read Carson's original review? I did not.
Perhaps there's some explanation there as to why he got excited by the script.

I'm intrigued to dive into it.
Of the amateur scripts sent out last week, Scion was the only one that engaged me.
Anyone else check out those six entries?

Regards,
E.D.

I am trying to pick one amateur script a week from his list to glance at. I chose The Lost Majesties.

It was a pass for me, but that doesn't mean it can't be fixed.

The protagonist is a teenage girl. He spends the first 2 pages effectively showing us that she is an athlete, one of the cool kids in high school, but yet she's nice to those on the bottom of the social order. Perhaps a Snyder inspired attempt to make her likable.

I had no problem with that set up.

But then she started talking. And her voice did not match the set up. She talked more like a street whore, F words every line, obnoxious.

I am not opposed to F words at all. And I'm sure many high school kids speak exactly like this. But not the characters in movies that we are supposed to like. It was so inconsistent that it was a script killer to me.

As for Three Hundred Years, I actually don't recall a review. I'm at a complete loss to explain the appeal of this script, and I can only assume that it was the premise that drew attention.

The writing was fine. I'll even say good. We can quibble over style and the use of asides, but the bottom line, it reads clear and easy. If a script does that, I really don't care what style or writing rules the writer employs. We all have our preferences, but if I can zip through a script, I'm grateful.

But the tone is so off, I don't get it. A guy wakes up 300 years in the future to find the world is now run by aliens, and humans are pets. This either has to be a sci fi thriller with plenty of adrenaline and tension, or a comedy.

It's not even close to either. The aliens are nice and friendly. But there is not even an attempt at humor. I kept waiting for jokes or gags...nothing.

So I guess it's supposed to be serious. But the aliens look like something from a cheesy 50s drive in movie, or maybe an episode of Lost in Space.

I don't get it at all. I stopped at page 30, and I guess the story gets better. But tone should be established in the first scene. If 30 pages into it it's impossible to tell if the story is serious or some kind of light hearted farce, that's trouble.

I just find it strange how somebody would latch on to this type of script. It's easily got a 100 million budget. There are better scripts out there with barely any budget and they chose this... It just doesn't make any sense.

Quoted from leitskev I am trying to pick one amateur script a week from his list to glance at. I chose The Lost Majesties. It was a pass for me, but that doesn't mean it can't be fixed. The protagonist is a teenage girl. He spends the first 2 pages effectively showing us that she is an athlete, one of the cool kids in high school, but yet she's nice to those on the bottom of the social order. Perhaps a Snyder inspired attempt to make her likable. I had no problem with that set up. But then she started talking. And her voice did not match the set up. She talked more like a street whore, F words every line, obnoxious. I am not opposed to F words at all. And I'm sure many high school kids speak exactly like this. But not the characters in movies that we are supposed to like. It was so inconsistent that it was a script killer to me.

Cracked this one open too and pretty much second your thoughts.
Started out all Disney Channel enough and then WHAM-O!
Welcome to Vulgarville. Population: This script.
Sailors start running out of my office... and I don't have sailors in my office!

That was enough to get me to put it down.
The only one that really held my interest on the page of those six was Scion.

E.D.