Read half of Somnia this morning.

Very well executed horror with a concept that really stands out. There are a lot of great things you could do with the premise, and the writers did a good job.

I thought maybe they could have done a little less four square/school/bully stuff because it was taking a long time to reestablish the horror tone. But I'm not knocking it, they did fine work. This should make a much better movie than Sinister, which I recently saw at the movies, and which makes me reluctant to see horror again any time soon.

Hey guys,

would appreciate if someone would be kind enough to email me Somnia... pretty please. Really intrigued to read a 'horror' that is apparently above the norm. Need some inspiration.

Will PM email.

Thanks in advance.

PM me email.

PM sent.

Thanks so much Kev.


Libby

And it looks like there's a third amateur getting some notice on Scriptshadow...

http://scriptshadow.net/amateur-friday-rose-in-the-darkness/

I read the script before it got taken down over the weekend.
All it takes is a long holiday weekend and a good review by Carson.
Then WHAM-O! Instead industry interest.

Never heard anymore about Nathan Zoebl since he signed with WME.
Though I wouldn't be surprised if that Keeping Time develops.

So, who will be the first Simply Scripts/Scriptshadow crossover?

E.D.

One of the bonus scripts this week was a Blake Snyder script called Ringers. I read act one. Some very strange choices in that story.

Based on the first act, there is kind of no protagonist, no character that we remotely care about, or is in any way interesting.

The story is about a villain planning a bank heist by enlisting a group of strangers chosen because they look like employees of the bank. The villain himself looks like the manager.

Through the first act, we learn nothing of this guy. We don't even know if he's a real thief, or just someone who discovered he looked like the manager and hatched a scheme.

Then we follow the teammates he has chosen as they shadow their counterparts in the bank in order to learn their daily habits. There is some potential with this part of the script, as it gives us a window into each would be bank robber as they possibly develop personal insights based on watching their doppelganger.

But through the first act anyway, the character development is extremely shallow, and there is no compelling reason to want to see them succeed in the robbery, or even to fail in it. We just don't care.

There is some appeal to the concept, I suppose. As with any heist, we're curious how it will play out.

Perhaps the character development that is missing in the first act takes place in the second. If so, the concept might have merit. I do think it's a major handicap to not make any of these characters appealing or interesting in the first 25 pages.

I also looked at one of the amateur entries. I'm not going to mention it here by name. But it didn't work for me, and I gave it 10 pages. Let me explain what went wrong.

Our main character is a teenage girl. Care is taken in the early pages to show her doing some nice things(STC?) which makes her likable. I thought that was reasonably effective, and thinking the concept was potentially interesting, I was encouraged.

It was when she began talking a few pages into it that this script lost me. I actually don't mind swearing in a script, and I'm sure high school girls swear all the time. But should a high school chick who has been set up as an All American type, good at sports, nice to those less popular, and so on...be using the F word every other line?

It just didn't fit the way the character was set up. It's like she was written in the first draft as a b!tch, one who sounded like an inner city whore, and then someone told the writer you need to make your character more likable. So he went back and added stuff at the beginning to make her seem nice. It just didn't fit.

Quoted from Grandma Bear I read the first 20 or so pages of Rose in the darkness. I was not as impressed as CR was. I didn't like the writing for starters and I thought the going was slow. Btw, was that supposed to be human meat they're eating in the beginning? If so, I'm really tired of cannibalistic films, but I'm also tired of vampires.

I wasn't as impressed either.
And yeah, I did find the writing a bit clunky at times.
Felt as though the author way over-telegraphed the character's every move.

And you and I have talked about how important page flow is.
I pushed through the first half before putting it down.
Then after the flurry of activity, I finished it off.

As with most amateur scripts, the second half didn't feel as polished as the first.
Most spend far more time on the first act than the rest of the story.
And I think that shows here too, some downright gaping logic holes at times.

But if the concept gets attention, apparently that's enough.
Plenty of good writers out there, but we all need that hooky premise!

E.D.

I agree with E.D.

The more I read what's selling and who's breaking in with what... the common denominator is a stellar premise. As long as the execution is decent, it'll get attention from agents, directors, producers, etc.

I have to disagree here. I actually thought Rose in the Darkness was pretty good for an amateur script. I think it's 90% better than the things posted on SS these days, including non members who are pretty new to screenwriting. But it had this really creepy feel to it which I really liked, SEMI-SPOILERS especially that flashback where Father stands over the bodies, smiling.

Quoted from Electric Dreamer So, who will be the first Simply Scripts/Scriptshadow crossover?

I'm also wondering that, somebody should really send their script over and the SS crew can email Carson, telling him it's good .

What I've noticed now is that he doesn't go past the first page on his email and picks the top 5 from there, based on mostly the logline unless you get someone who wrote a good request, which I doubt happens a lot.

Untitled Mann/Logan project starring Dicaprio.

Guest review today at the blog was very well done.

Noir is a difficult way to build a protagonist. Strong character goal? Noir characters are cynical, jaded, guarded. If they have a goal, they are likely to hide it from us, perhaps even from themselves. If noir characters have a goal, it is more likely to be an obsession, usually a forbidden one. And the writers do seem to understand that here, attempt to tap into it.

Noir films are style over substance. Gritty reality should not be confused for depth and dimension.

And that's why noir films are often something we convince ourselves we are a fan of, but when we go back and revisit them we discover we are not. We love the harsh tones, the biting dialogue, the violence which lurks in every shadow.

But there is generally something missing. And it's missing here as well, as the reviewer points out with precise insight. The noir protagonist is difficult to connect to, to bond with, and that is the case with Slidell, who is perfectly noir as the writers intended. And perfectly lacking as the result.

Rose...the writing to me wasn't great...but I think it was the WTF moments...I mean people eating while something/someone is screaming in the basement or attic(I cannot remember) and then the Mother comes back with blood smears...and it was just weird.

I didn't really like the whole human tooth thing. Infact, I think it was way too early a reveal probably but the script is getting bites. *no pun intended*

I didn't read too far into it. The writing was clunky but it was different and I liked the characters ...the way they acted...I may read the rest....time is limited.

Quoted from Pale Yellow Rose...the writing to me wasn't great...but I think it was the WTF moments...I mean people eating while something/someone is screaming in the basement or attic(I cannot remember) and then the Mother comes back with blood smears...and it was just weird.

That was actually one of the reasons I liked it. It was those WTF moments which made me read on. They were strange and kinda made you sick but I liked them, this family is eating dinner while some woman is screaming upstairs. It gave it a creepy feel which made me keep on reading.

Also, congratz to Joe with his script. It just got attached to a somewhat known producer.

Dug into the St. Vincent de Van Nuys yesterday.
Any script Bill Murray attaches himself to, I'm interested.

And this one didn't disappoint.
The writing's top notch and I dig the crusty old protag.
Have I seen stories like this before? Yup.
Would l like to see a little more originality? Sure.
Despite that, did I feel compelled to read to the end? You betcha!
The character turns were just real enough to keep me engaged.

Always seems to help me get through a script once I know who's attached to star!

E.D.

Quoted from Electric Dreamer Dug into the St. Vincent de Van Nuys yesterday. Any script Bill Murray attaches himself to, I'm interested. And this one didn't disappoint. The writing's top notch and I dig the crusty old protag. Have I seen stories like this before? Yup. Would l like to see a little more originality? Sure. Despite that, did I feel compelled to read to the end? You betcha! The character turns were just real enough to keep me engaged. Always seems to help me get through a script once I know who's attached to star! E.D.

ditto

Quoted from nawazm11 Also, congratz to Joe with his script. It just got attached to a somewhat known producer.

Oh cool! Didn't hear that was an official attachment!
Where did you get that info from?

Link please.

Regards,
E.D.