Another one to get rid of their own character.  

Good job Ripley, sorry he had to go.  

Next up is jayrex.  And while he won't be taking us into Niagra proper, he will take us to the outskirts.

I'll update the tracksheet as soon as I'm done with my day's work.  

I don't understand the last post at all.  I thought Timber was Wolf's pet wolf?  He was human much of this post.  What happened to Sam's red barchetta?  Who got killed?  And who or what killed him?

I'm very confused...  

WHAT???  Sam lost her pretty candy apple red Barchetta? Poooooooooooo

I hate to say this...but Ripley...sometimes Wolf was the dog and the man and sometimes Timber was the dog and the man...   Are you sleepy?   

I don't think he was intending to imply timber but I see how you could get confused.  He gets very vague around that part, but I think he is saying Michael is killed by an (generic) animal.

Sounded like a bear ....lol. Or at least thats what i thought.

Anyway, tracksheet is updated and emails are sent.  We are at our destination folks.  

I apologize for being negative here Ripley, but this is such an important part in the script and I don't get the "vibe" that you really worked on this at all.

My sincerest apologies if you did. It is a very hard time in the story.

First off:

WOLF
I don’t [  ] about you guys but I have no problem walking.

I hate myself when I miss on proofreads. This isn't a good sign. It wouldn't matter a whoot if the rest was filled with effort.

And this:

Timber walks over and carries her.

How can a dog/wolf breed carry a human?

They can if it's explained somehow.

Why does Wolf say: "You're a good man Michael." He doesn't even know him.

At the very end:

Three people and an animal walk: Sam, Leona, Timber and Wolf.

I feel it sums up the emptiness in this scene. Timber is no ordinary animal and these individuals are no ordinary people yet that's all we see on the page.

I understand that you're probably just burned out and have a lot of work so don't worry about it. I just wanted to say though that I feel disheartened by this scene.

All the best to you Dear,

Sandra

"How can a dog/wolf breed carry a human?"

"sometimes Wolf was the dog and the man and sometimes Timber was the dog"

^That is more so my fault. Ripley had sent me the scene to look over. He had confused Wolf with Timber and neither of us noticed it until, by chance, I gazed over their character bio. I always assumed Wolf was...well...the wolf. I notified him at the last minute, so it's no wonder the confusion still slipped through his scene.

I agree that the scene is very passive and short, but I feel like it was a good breather from all the action-packed sequences we have had so far. If this were a movie, and Ripley had done another action scene, half the audience would've had heart attacks by now.

I do think, however, that Michael's story was building up to a lot; and yet he went out with a whisper rather than a bang. But it is Ripley's character -- he knows how he wants him to go out.

But again, I think, personally, Michael being "dropped" emphasizes on the bleakness of our story. I had mixed views on the scene, but I felt a change of pace/breather was necessary by now.

--Julio

My apologies crew.

The names Timber and Wolf. Timber sounds like a person's name. Doesn't it? Why George? (joking) lol. I edited a few portions of it. But I'll read it over again tomorrow to proofread.

What Sandra commented upon not understanding Wolf's line about Michael being a good man, I can explain. Michael didn't snoop through Wolf's bag. IMO, I thought of Wolf's character as seeing that as one sign of telling if someone's good. It's like if someone doesn't read your diary even though he or she knows where it is. Hope that explains it.  

I didn't want to reveal the animal since all the previous scenes had a specific type of animal kill. I wanted to try something unique in not showing what animal it was. Failed. lol.

Also, I didn't want to overwrite this scene. I had an elaborate scene of having dogs kill Michael, but didn't follow through with it. I thought people will get bored reading it. Shouldn't have listened to that side huh? If Michael allows me too, I will like to see if I can get the scene with the dogs in.  

Sorry guys again.

Quoted from Mr.Ripley My apologies crew. The names Timber and Wolf. Timber sounds like a person's name. Doesn't it? Why George? (joking) lol. I edited a few portions of it. But I'll read it over again tomorrow to proofread. What Sandra commented upon not understanding Wolf's line about Michael being a good man, I can explain. Michael didn't snoop through Wolf's bag. IMO, I thought of Wolf's character as seeing that as one sign of telling if someone's good. It's like if someone doesn't read your diary knowing where it is. Hope that explains it.   I didn't want to reveal the animal since all the other scenes had a specific type of animal kill. I wanted to try something unique in not showing what animal it was. Failed. lol. Also, I didn't want to overwrite this scene. I had an elaborate scene of having dogs kill Michael, but didn't follow through with it. I thought people will get bored reading it. Shouldn't have listened to that side huh? If Michael allows me too, I will like to see if I can get the scene with the dogs in.   Sorry guys again.

Don't worry about it at all!!! How many times have we all not listened to that little needling voice?

I had that feeling that this was "meant" to be a breather scene and I fully understand that and I think it's a good idea. At the same time as saying that, I think we need to push ourselves onto that next level and really fight to dig into the depths of our characters.

That was probably part of my problem with this scene. I didn't feel like it dug into the characters enough.

We all fall down and the bright side is: YOU'RE GONNA BE ON THE UPSWING NOW!!!

If Michael allows you to rewrite, I hope you can bring back the snazzy red vehicle. LOL

Sandra

Thanks Sandra.

About the red car, I remember Sam leave her car and pat Timber. I figured she hit a ride with Michael, Wolf, and Leona. But if I get a chance to edit, I'll see if I can bring the red car back.

Didn't see Julio's post. Talking about slow reader. Thanks Julio for the support. I've mentioned some of it above immediately after Julio's post. I wanted to change things a bit. Not continue the same pattern. But I'll wait for Michael's decision. I'm willing to put it in just to see the reaction. lol. It's way different than this one and a bit longer but I'm willing to put it up. Maybe after this, we can have a segment of where we all add our scenes that we either thought of putting in or cut out due to our judgment.  

Interesting you should say you want to get into the characters more.  Maybe it's time to talk about the next collaborative exercise.

But before we do that, maybe we should discuss whether or not we want to take this one to the next level.  That would involve any number of us doing a rewrite and at x number of months from now we get all the rewrites together and vote on the best one.   Do you think we should do that with this one or do you want to go through this process one more try before we take it to the next step?   I think we are almost ready for that next step, Shiva had some story issues but I think they could be handled in a rewrite.  What do you think?

The next project, which will go on during the rewrite process - if that happens, will be a bit different.  It will be all about character and one of the primary goals will be that it is low budget.  No CGI or special effects, just people.   And strangest of all, no one will get killed - or at least it won't be planned and you'll have to have a darn good reason if you do kill someone off. I'm not 100% certain yet what the premise will be but I'm thinking about paranoia.  How's that sound?  

Quoted from mcornetto Interesting you should say you want to get into the characters more.  Maybe it's time to talk about the next collaborative exercise. But before we do that, maybe we should discuss whether or not we want to take this one to the next level.  That would involve any number of us doing a rewrite and at x number of months from now we get all the rewrites together and vote on the best one.   Do you think we should do that with this one or do you want to go through this process one more try before we take it to the next step?   I think we are almost ready for that next step, Shiva had some story issues but I think they could be handled in a rewrite.  What do you think? The next project, which will go on during the rewrite process - if that happens, will be a bit different.  It will be all about character and one of the primary goals will be that it is low budget.  No CGI or special effects, just people.   And strangest of all, no one will get killed - or at least it won't be planned and you'll have to have a darn good reason if you do kill someone off. I'm not 100% certain yet what the premise will be but I'm thinking about paranoia.  How's that sound?

Without speaking for anyone else at this point, I would like to work on the next collaboration you envision and at the same time, I'd like to keep Shiva as a project that is alive and carries on.

I see no reason to kill off Shiva as we move onto the next step.

Everyone has really done a wonderful job with this and I apologize for the lame: "wonderful" word, but trust me, I mean it in its highest form.

Working with all of you has been such a "wonderful" experience and it wouldn't have happened without you.

The work involved in hosting these threads is enormous and to try and pull it off in a cohesive manner and stay on track is a real challenge!!!

Thanks again to everyone who contributes here and to Don-- he's working behind the scenes-- always gets the job done. Without him, we'd be without.

I'm in a mushy mood, but I really do feel so very thankful for all of you.

Sandra

I'm all for helping in some way to rewrite Shiva and make it a more cohesive feature. My suggestion on rewriting would be for one person to go through it all to work it up so it has more of a single mindset going through it. Whoever does it though should have full control over it without fear of repercussions when it comes to tweaking.

Once that is done, I would want everyone to look at THEIR OWN CHARACTER for the dialogue and each person give their character their own unique voice by rewording whatever is said to say the same thing, but however they should say it.

That process will bring the plot together as a whole and make each character as unique as they could possibly be.

Just a few more things about the last post from Ripley.  And I don't mean to be an ass or anything, so sorry up front...

This scene really bothered me for many reasons.  It is the very first meeting between Sam and the rest of the group, yet there isn't any "meeting" whatsoever for some reason.  Sam just went through this huge transformation that I felt totally worked, and all of a sudden, she just leaves her new car that she loved (because it reminded her of driving in Italy with her Grandmother when she was a kid), and goes on foot with a ragtag group she just came across?  Why?  Does that make any sense at all?

The Wolf/Timber thing was extremely poorly done, and like Sandra said, I don't see much effort here at all.  Wolf is portrayed as the new leader for some reason, while Sam is portrayed as a feeble, weak little girl, even though she's packing at least 3 big guns, and wearing a Kate Beckinsale from Underworld hotass outfit, that would scream out that she's not some weak little follower.

The attack and demise of Michael was very weak and confusing as Hell.  I actually thought that you were thinking that Wolf and Timber were really one character that kind of shape shifted between each other and was the killer of Michael.  Why didn't anyone help Michael, and why was he so pitifully weak?

Where is the group walking to now?  Why wouldn't they be in a car?  I just don't understand any of the motivations for anyone or anything in this post.  And remember, the dogs are dead now, so your other scene you wanted to write wouldn't have worked either.   I thought we were now concentrating on snakes?

I don't know, I'm sorry for being harsh, but this really just didn't cut it at all.