Quoted Text What inconsistency is that, bro?

snowflake = 1 word

snow flake = 2 words

I did bold it in the passage, incase you missed it.  This has probably been fixed though, if I'm reading an old draft.

Quoted Text Not sure exaclty what you're saying or what version you're quoting from. Marshall leaps out of the water and "surprises" Tobias, because Toby thought he was already dead from the electrical shock, thus "missing" on his shot at Cyndi.  Then, Toby takes Marshall out, while Cyndi makes a break for outside.

Okay bro, I'll elaborate.  You've probably tweaked the passage anywho, but lets look at it again...

Quoted Text Marshall leaps out of the water, a few feet away. A thunderous BANG. The shot goes high, missing her completely. Cyndi gets to her feet, makes a break for the door leading outside, only several feet in front of her. Tobias quickly rights himself, aims down at Marshall in the water. Another cavernous BLAST. Pellets riddle the water as well as the top of his head.  The pool water turns deep red as Marshall sinks out of sight

When you say Marshall leaps OUT of the water, that implies to me that he is no longer IN the water.

Then you say Tobias aims down at Marshall IN the water.

You might want to narrow down that description because it's vague.  Perhaps you'd be better writing something along the lines of "Marshall surfaces", or "Marshall breaks the surface of the water", that would be more apt for what you're going for.

That's a better description, because it accurately describes what's happening down to a tee.  Perhaps add "Marshall surfaces, gasping for air" for some dramatic effect.

Holla back.

EDIT:

Btw, I won't post anymore comments until I get the latest draft.  I want to see how you've worked in the new scene headers for the plane ect.

And PM me about the situation with the script, what offers you've had, and tell me a bit more about this Chernobyl re-write.

Peace bruhs, out.

Hey max, great catch on the snowflake issue.  Crazy after all these years I never spotted it.

The other "issue" was already cleaned up, and I totally agree with what you said.

I corrected "snowflake" and sent you the latest version.  Hope you enjoy.

Page 11 Jeff - another "snow flake"

This is in the draft you sent me, btw.

Damn, I feel like a right asshole for pointing that out.

Quoted Text He continues past the Horny Toad, as the music fades away. A snow flake passes, heads down the sidewalk, back towards the bar. The wind whips it around, past various faces and conversations...closer to the bar.

Thanks, Max.  Those are great catches.  I'll go back in and make sure all snowflakes are 1 word, the way they should be.  Maybe I was high when I wrote it...LOL!!!

Thanks, bro.

What are your margin settings Dreamscale? For the left.

I'm not sure if my Final Draft is wrong or what, but my margin appears a little thinner compared to other people's scripts.

1.5" right?

Quoted from Max What are your margin settings Dreamscale? For the left. I'm not sure if my Final Draft is wrong or what, but my margin appears a little thinner compared to other people's scripts.1.5" right?

I use MM and love it.

1.5" left, 1.0" right.

Quoted from Dreamscale I use MM and love it. 1.5" left, 1.0" right.

My settings are the same, but for some reason my margins look bigger, even on the same zoom.

I've never been a FD guy, as there are numerous issues they've never fixed over the years.

I love me my Movie Magic Screenwriter...and I'm using a very old version that I've never needed to update or replace, as it works like a charm.

Jeffro, send me the same draft you sent Max.  I want to take another look at your script.

What's your E-Mail, bro?  You've changed names so many times, I've lost track.

Quoted from Dreamscale What's your E-Mail, bro?  You've changed names so many times, I've lost track.

Ask Don to upload the latest draft on here Jeff.

If you've amended stuff, it should be represented fully.  Some issues I had got swept under the carpet when you emailed me the newer version.

Know what I mean?  I didn't even know I was commenting on an older version, and that sucked for myself.

If you want to keep the ting under wraps, fair enough blud.  I won't give the new draft out to anybody without your express permission.

If somebody trusts me with a copy of their work, gotta follow the rules, you know how it is.

Quoted from Max Ask Don to upload the latest draft on here Jeff. If you've amended stuff, it should be represented fully.  Some issues I had got swept under the carpet when you emailed me the newer version. Know what I mean?  I didn't even know I was commenting on an older version, and that sucked for myself. If you want to keep the ting under wraps, fair enough blud.  I won't give the new draft out to anybody without your express permission. If somebody trusts me with a copy of their work, gotta follow the rules, you know how it is.

Right on, Max.  Obviously, I don't know you, but I tend to trust SS folks who seem to be here for the right reasons.

I've ben meaning to upload the latest, but thanks to you, the latest is now free of the "snow flakes".

Quoted from Dreamscale Right on, Max.  Obviously, I don't know you, but I tend to trust SS folks who seem to be here for the right reasons. I've ben meaning to upload the latest, but thanks to you, the latest is now free of the "snow flakes".

The snow flake thing is a dickhead thing, nobody cares about that anyway.  I only mentioned it because I thought you might care about it, and it ultimately depends on whether you're a perfectionist or not.

It doesn't diminish anything really, but of course I'll point it out.

Quoted from Max The snow flake thing is a dickhead thing, nobody cares about that anyway.  I only mentioned it because I thought you might care about it, and it ultimately depends on whether you're a perfectionist or not. It doesn't diminish anything really, but of course I'll point it out.

NO!!!  It's not a dickhead thing at all.  And, yeah, I'm a total perfectionist.  I'm shocked I never saw that.

Dude, I totally appreciate shit like that.  TOTALLY!!!!!

Quoted from Dreamscale NO!!!  It's not a dickhead thing at all.  And, yeah, I'm a total perfectionist.  I'm shocked I never saw that. Dude, I totally appreciate shit like that.  TOTALLY!!!!!

Hard to tell if you are being sarcastic, LOL!

I ain't an American homie, if some dude says "totally" at the end of the sentence... it's a big gamble!