Sorry about the mix up.

No worries leitskev. Just wanted to correct the mixup.

Hey Sean, thinking about the couple having sex in the bathroom was in reference to the airplane scene. But come to think of it, if Jeff establishes it early on, it could work at that scene your referring to.

Gabe

What did you guys think about the idea of replacing the post credit scene with a scene showing Xavier breaking in a new couple to his murderous ways? That way it explains Danny and Carry's motives more deeply without having to show them at the beginning. Just a crazy idea. Will check back later.

I didn't like the Xavier sub-plot at all. I felt they should've just been psychotic and loved murder and if need be, have their own rules they abide by (the ones Xavier gave them).

If Xavier were replaced, another explanation would have to be provided for their killing spree. Even if it's just showing their beginning or something. I don't think it should be just a blood hungry couple and absolutely no reason for it. I mean even the movie theater shooter probably wanted publicity, which is why he dressed as batman. Plus he's insane. So I think Xavier should stay. I think any hints at Xavier should be allegorical. Nothing supernatural. Which is how it currently is, I think. Plus, the idea that Xavier is training people who kill randomly, and not connected to any political cause, adds a chill factor to the story.

Quoted from leitskev Plus, the idea that Xavier is training people who kill randomly, and not connected to any political cause, adds a chill factor to the story.

You don't think that it's more frightening that they're just fucked in the head and kill at random because they enjoy it?

No motive, no rhyme, no reason. Just because.

The wait it is now, there is a motive. They live drab, meaningless lives. They have everything, but they feel empty. Xavier does not give them meaning or purpose. He's not Al Quada. But he shows them how to FEEL alive by killing others. But giving them rules for the kill, which makes it a game, a challenge. And what's frightening is they are not insane. They are otherwise normal people. Their motive is to feel alive. But they didn't just wake up and say let's kill people. Xavier showed them how. I always thought the story could more of Xavier gradually showing them how killing could make them feel alive.

You'll see more of X in FTW2:APSOW.

Thanks for all the discussion, guys.

Well, there is a difference between insane and psychotic. As Brad Pitt so eloquently put it in 'Se7en', "When someone is insane as you... clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Guns and Ammo", masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am!"?" Psychotic is just being severely unstable.

In a re-write, if Jeff were to drop Xavier and Tobias, he'd have some extra space to elobarate upon their interest in murder and how fun it is for them and the challenges they set up for themselves. That's just what I would do, but that's also why I don't write genres besides Drama. I can't dream up characters with motives.

And, I love that hint of irony. Discussing two entirely different paths for a script that's not ours because the original writer took the middle ground between the two. Good times.

The problem is that one insane person can live in his own reality and do horrible things that he may not fully comprehend. But two working together, a husband and wife? That seems unlikely and not the kind of thing an audience can accept without explanation. I believe every person in the theater would be leaving saying "WTF, why did they do that?" if there were no explanation.

Good throwing ideas with you Blonde. Sometimes it helps the writer. And it gives me an excuse to break away from my stuff for a minute!

I don't know. I've been able to buy much more ridiculous things in a slasher movie before this.

Yeah, you too. I'm always thinking about mine so trying to help expand somebody else's is interesting and good times. Of course, the only opinion that really counts is Jeff's.

EDIT: I just realized that I sent this message as 11:14. Good times. =)

You guys know I love a good back and forth.  Any ideas are good ideas.

BUT...

I'm afraid that the plot and structure here is not going to be changed.

This is a "story" about killing...plain and simple.  Yes, there are motives and backstory, but we're not going to delve into them.  For the most part, this takes place in real time and covers a single night.

I look at it as an anti TCM mixed with Hostel, and thrown in a blender with a mystery drama.  How's that for out there?

You guys just wait till the sequel shows its ugly head.  The intro alone is frickin' killer!  I love it, which means you guys will probably hate it!  

When are you going to post the newest draft???

I was going to a couple weeks ago, but I still do not like the logline at all...to the point where I can't repost without a much better one.

Fade To White (7/31/12) -- some early thoughts after a first read;  this script held my attention throughout but at this moment I think that the writing outshines the story.
SPOILERS
The first 4 pages are totally successful, the precise and clean writing about brutal acts sets an intense, compelling mood, very much grabs the attention.
Regarding  Carlie and Danny: even though I found little interest in these characters it didn't matter, the puzzle that was set up in the opening scene genuinely  holds the reader's attention.
I found most of the characters to be tiresome and/or uninteresting, which well may be a necessary ingredient to a bloodfest film --  on film their physical attractiveness would be pleasing and distracting, on the page their conversations and actions seem endless, leading one to start to guess who's going to get axed...  
However, the way that the kids (Lisa, Johnny, Janelle etc.) each finally reacts to violence is of interest, I think they each get a fair shot at showing spirit and in some cases prove to be resourceful and courageous.

Their little lives matter to us, in those violent scenes, more than we would have thought they could, and that's what will make actors want to play these roles -- the pacing of the story is very good, the writing is very sharp throughout,  I think.

Still, I have an uneasy feeling about the Xavier  factor -- Carlie and Danny never seem to me to be extraordinary in any way, not quite assasins, not quite thrill killers... and this passage near the end,


XAVIER
There's a power to death and killing
that most will never know...never
understand. It takes a certain
kind...a...certain mindset. It'll
change your lives forever...empower
you. Believe me.



Hmm... Danny and Carlie fade in comparison to Xavier.  
I was confused by the ending, but in a good way; there's a feeling of mystery and revision that's strangely pleasing.
All in all I found this script to be a very interesting read, really a pleasure to read and only a bit of a let down that the story is not as vibrant as the writing.

Log line... Killing will change your lives forever.